the past few entries has been depressing and full of emo which dont belong there. but you cant really blame me right since blogging is suppose to help me release how i feel deep inside, a place to rant bout the day that has been but still, guilty of over-reacting and over emotional. sucks but life goes on. so im deciding to "trim" off the last post and edit away the bad mojo parts. hey, im suppose to be cheerful and be a lil light and salt of the earth. lol.

just been much more cheerful today. tho the rain is still pouring heavily in the afternoon but i guess the tears has dropped its last one for a quite some time im predicting. the maternal instinct of a mother practically beats every single frown in my opinion. thats why i think my mum's the best friend i could have. guess i never knew my mum that well all this while considering i spend the last 19years screamin and argueing back. thankfull i drew a line after my 19th birthday and its time to set things right once and for all. so 3 months and on, everythings amazing with my mum. 2 thumbs up for myself there. =)

if memory serves me well, no one's complaint bout my "half-naked" photo except for "no.6" or kher lit to some who knows. since she's off the list. its time i get a new one instead. haha. i kinda like this one this time with me brushing my teeth and sowie if im being too "ss" with myself. a man's gotta do somethings to cheer himself up. so if u've got somethin to critic bout it, do feel free to debate on...muaks!!

a man was planning his 1st ever vacation on his own to 2 different locations - portugal and spain. he loves both countries very much due to their culture and food and not forgetting, people, beautiful people that is. being indecisive, he draws a list of comparison. in spain, he loves the hotel he stays because it has the best facilities and services. meanwhile in portugal, the hotel he would be staying in has the best dining experience and has a larger room ratio compared to the one in spain. so he's there stuck and wondering which of the 2 to decide. they're both good in the areas which mattered most to him. 2 different places with 2 different hotels. how would he decide? then came another factor. in spain, he has friends and some relatives staying there. in portugal, his best friend resides there and the prospect of a new job opportunity which he was landed recently where he can gain more information. so it becomes 3 different factors totally opposing each other. its like the best of both worlds. so how would the man decide?

its a story. a kinda story i like. a story which tells all im facing now. 2 places, 3 factors. each matters a lot. how to decide? lets find out together shall we?

The night before mel left...

strawberry lollipop are nice to eat!!!

harry ho shows the professional's way to play pool...

while mel and ana had their share of pool too...

me? sitting crapping with teik kheng bout nonsense watchin them play...lazy bah...

The day mel left...

mel and family checkin in...

the rest of the photos? none were taken after this...
who wants to take photos with teary red eyes? everyone got sad and ironically
it rained like never before. whole week no rain today rain.
this is truly "tears from heaven". thanks God...

The night mel left...

went to youth since i was bored then followed by house crashing at jul's place

david(amber chia) + me + jess + alwin (alwina) tay
more like 3 girls and 1 guy...yucks!!!

vec + jul + jason + lo wen

jason + lo wen

me + jess
this girl can hit like mad...punya la main sakit dia pukul...

=PIC OF THE DAY=
who looks better? jason or rain in that pose
think we all know who the obvious winner is eh? (-__-)"

===================================================================

i wanna get drunk. to drink all the red wine i love so much and just get drunk after that. then do somethin stupid like confess i like someone while im drunk. then get a hangover for the next 48hours and get chopped by parents. who cares? least i wont remember much what happened the past 50hrs or so...but then i cant. no kaki to get drunk with cuz theres CHURCH ON SUNDAY MORNING!!! great...just great. still i cant do that. that isnt my way of getting out of my "emo sessions". where's erin when i need some comforting from her?? argh...

life is peachie. i finally decided what i want in my life. places i wanna go, people i wanna be with and the things i wanna do. it feels good tho to finally release all that accumulated tension inside. now just hoping everything will fall in place. if not, life will still be peachie. dont even know what im blogging now. i shouldnt be blogging even. mel just left and im pretty sad bout it but thank God He comforted me during worship just now. once again, life is peachie.

but then i was thinking, how do u know if ur falling heads over heels for another person?

i guess only others can tell u that... =/

been listening to "romeo & juliet" lately and its reli a nice song. this is the chorus part.

我愛妳
wo ai ni

妳是我的茱麗葉(卓:茱麗葉)
ni shi wo de Juliet (Zhuo: Juliet)

我願意變成妳的梁山伯
wo yuan yi bian cheng ni de liang san bo

合 (Together):

幸福的每一天
xing fu de mei yi tian

浪漫的每一夜
lang man de mei yi ye

卓 (Zhuo)

把愛不放開
ba ai bu fang kai

曹 (Gary):

因為 Ｉ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ
yin wei I love you

卓 (Zhuo)
我愛你
wo ai ni

你是我的羅密歐(曹:羅密歐)
ni shi wo de Romeo (Cao:Romeo)

我願意變成你的祝英台
wo yuan yi bian cheng ni de zhu ying tai

合 (Together):

幸福的每一天
xing fu de mei yi tian

浪漫的每一夜
lang man de mei yi ye

美麗的愛情祝福著　未來
mei li de ai qing zhu fu zhe wei lai

has some cheesy lines but think of it its kinda nice and simply sweet in a different perspective. wonder if somethin like this can reli happen in the modern world today? wonder where's my juliet right now...busy doing something i suppose...

this pair of size 6 bowling shoes looks absolutely amazing!!
its so colourful and imagine wearing that while bowling. gosh i would be embarrassed lor. too bad ana had to wear that while playing. man i missed that feeling so much and thankfully still hitting 100+ altho so long no bowl. after all, felt a resounding challenge from abraham from the 1st pin dropped till the end since he was tailing me closely. haha. wanna win me with that skill of urs? in ur face!!! hahaha.
i need to bowl more in kl man!!! need go for bowling kaki hunt again. argh...

my 700cc of apple juice after 10 long days.
i miss the drink blardy much!!!!
[P.S : 1000cc = 1000ml = 1litre ]

mel driving her LA611.
the last time im gonna it in her car for a long time and the
last time she'll send me home.
sigh...cannot go sutera harbour de beach to walk walk anymore.
mel im starting to miss u even now altho u technically not leavin yet.

me & juliana in her pooh pajamas....
and i look like a monster....gotta make an appointment in the morning
to see a plastic surgeon (O_O)

bai nien at the chai sister's place
musn't sit in middle anymore since everyone crams around me and ruins my hair
ish...

today has been really fun actually. couldnt stop laughing especially when yam cha with ex-5A mates. james with his car maniac theories and speeding records, laine with her sarcasm, mel with the constant red face, yew with his straight-forwardness, evan with his humble genius cambridge mind and judy with her well, less hurtful and if theres another way to say it - nicer self. last and not least, me with the victim of the night role. guess too long with them all made me practically immune to any other insult anyone else can throw at my face. haha. seems like going to all saints was the best move instead of flunking myself into tsung tsin back then. worst part is fiona fong fei kei. tomorrow go yew's place cari her lepas geram. but then seeing abraham pulak. the "unwanted" guy amongst...

WHY MUST HE KNOW OUR PLANS TOMORROW!!!!!

celaka babi sial. lost count how many times i used the babi word today. anyway jus gonna feel awkward seeing him tomorrow in yew's place. mel's ex anyway and the least fav guy in the whole class. its not like i reli have a problem with him going, just that mel and fiona don't want him there. i gotta pick a side in this situation right? they 2 are after all my ji mui's. sigh...i just love playing the bad guy role. hahahaha....

results coming out soon!!!

to be honest dont feel super nervous or tensed bout it this time. dont know why but if memory served me well, i was like shaking badly prior to taking my results. this time much more calmer. prolly the confidence i rolled in thruout the exam period. oh well. too late to do anything now but commit unto Him bout the whole thing and have faith all will be well in the end

hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is the substance of things hope for, the evidence of things not seen"

AMEN!!!!

first there was

then there was

so end up my face becomes

thats how i look like today. total "nyok" with eyes half opened.

been doing some hard thinking today and jus couldnt decide where again. then came mum who gave a lil nudge on which to pick. gave me that comforting talk on my future. made me felt better but still cried in the shower. i also dunno why i should be crying. its not like i got dumped by a girl or someone passed away. and if i remembered clearly, i didnt even shed or tear or felt remorse when i dumped her back then. what a sucker i was. anyway jus have this feeling of insecurity again over my future. one that janice told me to just fully rely on God cuz if i were to go where He wants me to go, i would grow the most there. sigh. decisions decisions. least i get to prolong my deadline to give ans answer since my results will only be released much later than expected. maybe i should take half a year off. that's what janice advised me to do. go and join some program or camp or ministry or whatever that would build up myself. to listen to God's voice much better. to know His will in my life. to just answer so many things i needed to know. then i t would've given me the peace to go on knowing i have Him to guide me over my walks. even mummy guessing that i wanna take some time off to work or do something else before i proceed. i havent stop yet since form 5. and its been tiring for a student. never had the luxury of months of holidays not even a full month. think prolly thats why i look older than my age. =/

and amazingly i finally fong fei kei today. decided to last minute pull out to go out pai nien. seriously la. with that kinda face wanna go out? ghost see also freak out till die again. also was still tired and muscles aching from futsal last nite where anthony fong fei kei us all. sigh. sendiri organise sendiri tak datang. what is he thinking i wonder. which girl he kept staring in the eys till he forgot the time. but then later going to coffee bean for ruth's farewell so gotta look good. hair looks nice tonight tho so prolly a sign i should go out and for the moment, forget bout the whole thing and just have some good ol laughs and fun time with them all.

cant remember when i snapped this...

i miss the stars i used to stare when i was younger
when the world was unknown to me
with my aunt, my 2 cents worth and the child in me

i miss the seaside i used to play with
when i wouldnt care what the world thinks
there was just me, people and the salty water

i miss the hand i used to hold by
where i felt the warmth of another person
and where i know i was alive

most of all, i miss my aunt
11 months gone by and i still miss u
how u would care for me each day
how u would make me my favourite meal
and till now i dont understand why they dont tell me ur leaving me
i hated them for it...
wish u were still here
my place of comfort each time.
i miss u...
amazing thing is i cant even find a single photo of me and u together
what a niece i've been all these years
i wont have the chance to do it now again...
ever

being the thorn among the roses

(mel, laine, ana, myself)

the trio minus the "thorn" (^.^)


my half cup of unfinished good wine..gave me the minor headaches for 3 cups in 10mins

2 1/2 bored kids
(johny boy, my bro luiz & the 1/2 kid me)

me and vivian ( the hottie ) ... but sayang she cut her hair short
a "lil lesser" pretty. lolz...

me & mummy dearest (^^)

"potatoes" acting cute - vec and jason

ruth, me and joanne. miss the 2 "aussies" very muchie...

everyone goes "cute season" (=.=)"

the monkeys and apes that went "pai nien" today - joanne's crib

laine finished the toppings of the pizza and forced me to eat this.
so bad of her...sudahlah looks so disgusting and no toppings, still wanna
paksa me eat ... !@#$%^&*&^

ice-cream at vedablu with ana and mel. im the one
without coloured nails. mummy don let. (>.<)

having nightmares the past 2 nights bout 2nd major issue atm. kills me a lil each night i sleep and wake up in sweat knowing i just dreamt something bad. still, maybe this is a sign from God or the attack of the devil bout it. hmm. guess only time will tell with lotsa prayers in it.

ang pao tally so far is kinda satisfying but knowing that all of it is going to fulfill my building pledge isnt really fun. still im not complaining. a promise is promise. fulfill it 1st and believe the blessings will fall in shortly. haha. so far been pretty blessed with new expensive clothes from mummy which reli came in a suprise for me. think the cream of the crop would be the excellent i had so far with my parents. zero scolding nor arguing with nothing but love and tenderness. particularly with dad. lol. guess my breakthru is this area of my life has finally arrived.

wanna blog out of the heart but the time does not persist so i guess i gotta stop for now. isi hati paling sukar diatasi, difahami and diberitahu bagi setiap insan. thankfully i got an opening to talk to janice today during pai nien. guess i forgot to refer back to the one wise person whom i first know. lol. she's my youth leader anyway. hmm...off to aunts place then laine's place then futsal with anthony who's leavin tomorrow to kl again. less 1 kaki yam cha jor now. argh....

green tortoise "ridin" blue tortoise. the bad & naughty twin tortoise of lo wen and me getting bored in burger king while catching up with friends...

town was like freaking jam today so thankfully didnt go downtown to pasar malam like planned. coming to think of it, what can we do in a pasar malam on the night before eve of cny? its not like those pasar malam in kl where theres lotsa food and cheap dvd's but more like selling stuffs for cny. i dont own a house so i definitely don need deco's nor i got enuff cash to buy boxes of mandarin orange. thank God i decided to revoke the plan to go downtown tonight.

13 days. thats how i have left to decide my future. and i just got a reminder from lo wen and jason bout it again. this sucks. cant think straight and being freakingly indecisive now for once in 19years. got a lil help from "assistant" to decide where i wanna go and how i wanna do it but then can things really be that simple in life? all this while i learn that nothing is as simple as it seems. theres always a larger picture behind everything. all the more i dont wanna regret when i finally picked one. but then think if there's another person in the world who understands me, it would be robert frost since he wrote this piece back in 1920...

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Godsped i pray...

embarking on the 1st step of getting self in shape and getting back my long lost stamina. after all, i ran in track & field every year in sec skol. must fully use my good long legs. today got improvement. 6mins non stop at top speed. better than yesterdays 3. need go all the way till 10 then only reach standard. grrr. God, i love the treadmill most...

vec runnin, ant sleepin and me snappin...

then in the evening went to watch movie - twins mission. missed the first 15mins due to sloppiness of me at home and slow kancil on the roads along the way. so typical sabahan to drive slow with small cars. MOVE!!!! anyway it was a lousy movie. only good thing is the actress was hot. start with J de. dono wad name. woo woo...but then overall a waste of rm6 and lots of petrol. !@#$%^&*(
later went to McD to makan-makan and snapped ourselves in the midst of boredom while waiting the nuggets to arrive.


me, ana, mel n yew

finger stars...

me & ana's dinner + supper

kk's one and only mcdonald drive thru. that also being in an area farthest from me. what a rip off of my petrol. -_-

a well fed person always smiles broadly...

yew's forehead looks so bright. like the sun at night...hahaha

then the sun dimmed when night approaches...

2 hungry slaves

overall today for once im tired. been out every night and today was the worst. must be the gym in the afternoon. vec and ant was like half dead already. haha. now im pretty beat up. driving also so tiring being the chaffeur for those 2. and i nearly wham thru a avanza at the roundabout. lately lack of concentration due to lack of sleep. tomorrow need be good boy stay at home.

right now feeling crappy over where to go to further my studies. worst part is time is running out for me to decide. wanna stay in malaysia? go melbourne? or go uk with my bro? so many factors contributing to it that i cant think right anymore. right now im at the brink of crying to just think bout it. kl to save on living expenses and closer to family and church and certain friends. melbourne for the experience and close close friends and better quality of edcation. uk to be with my bro, footie and experience also. but at a higher price. this sucks. dont wanna think anymore!!!!!

you know, almost every blog or friendster profile or msn display pic, there is ALWAYS one picture in this pose. so after months and months and prolly years of struggling, i took one myself. like they say, "if you cant beat 'em, JOIN 'em."

the secret recipe in kk really sucks. menu's missing some key items and the food taste half the good in kl. take my fish n chips for example. standard fries with brown crispy fish. smaller in size and minus the crispiness in the skin. the only satisfying part is the tartar sauce. that also prolly taste like the ones bought in a supermarket.

DISAPPOINTING!!!

even mel's chicken chop doesnt look very appealing to me. and the rice sure sucked.

and yew's kebab looks more like super toasted burnt meatballs on a stick to me than "kebab"

totally reserved... =/

went home at 3plus and im kinda tired. been out dribing all night even tho not my own car. realise that prado is not fun to drive. so freaking huge. even my crv is big also not THAT big compared. geez. for once, really once, going out vec, ant and jason got more girls than guys. lol. usually the girls not back or parents tak bagi keluar but this time totally outnumbered. musta been some change of fortunes in the wind direction lately. ruth still looks fine, andrea slimmed, jamie the same and bla bla bla...guess not many ppl really really change physically this time.

and if ur planning to see epic movie. i beg you, PLEASE DON'T!!! its a waste of money, a mock to the women, an insult to other movies and a full of lame conversations. not to mention filled with disgusting scenes like a fat girl having sex with someone, a man kissing and playing tongues with a BEAVER and of course, the fat man running topless with his "chest" flapping in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n where his nipples look so @#$%^&*. i cant even think of it. makes me sick. all 10 of us were like screaming oh!! Ahh!!! shit!!! damn!! gross!! crap!!! omg!! etc etc etc for the whole 1hr 10mins. man, im not gonna watch it again!!!

btw, V-day is indeed a special day.
special day for marketing purposes where ppl make
10 times the money or at least more then usual and
you dont even know it if ur blinded by love. hey, anyday
can be V-day if you want to. you don't need feb 14 to show
you like someone or say "i love u" to someone. its all bout u
and her. suprise the girl anytime. it brings more of and effect
than to buy her stuffs or ask her out on that day itself cuz
he/she would've been EXPECTING IT!!! but then who
needs it now. V-day's over!!

so happy belated valentine's day peeps!!!
toodles~

Love must be learnt, and learned again and again;

There is no end to it.
Hate needs no instruction, but wants only to be provoked

- Katherine Anne Porter-

I'm not interested of the past
I'm only interested in the possibilities of the future
- Anonymous -

lee choo must've been too happy we got her her vege's which the females went crazee over

nothing beats the satisfaction of having a full cooked big sized hot fishball in your watering mouth

when you see a pot with this much left, don't play games with someone else where the loser eats half the pot. it AINT FUN!!! (-_-)

itchy fingers jessica trying to perform an illegal toast before anyone else

tea-time in the terminal minus the tea and shortbread


one crazy bunch reunited again...

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kinda tired now from long hours of driving today since morning. took my photos to renew my license and then joined the jam while picking fiona off work and having mel tag along in it. been tiring but was worth it. had lotsa fun on the road and well, did some crazee stuffs on the road along the way. no harm done thankfully. amen amen amen. now hanging here thinking...should i go out again??!! pretty broke anyway so guess not...

missing the noise and the air i breathe in kl right now. how the janitors in my condo would argue each morning tamil bout whose task not done yet or the dog in 7 or 8th floor barking at the kid selling nasi lemak door to door. or perhaps some noisy neighbour who can't get enough of talking day and night loudly. the smell of my bed is different. dont have that "lazy college student who doesnt tidy his bed as often as he should smell" that kind. haha.

met jaclyn victor in the terminal in kk which then i only realised that she was on the same flight as me. kewl. wanted to ask her for a picture together but then no one was doing it so felt kinda paiseh. but then i was being too chicken anyway cuz all the while she was standing next to me in the immigration department and i didnt noticed!!! argh!!! stoo-pid kelvin...anyway the biggest suprise was that no teenagers or students or those of my age went to approach her. instead it was the aunties or elder generation who took pics with her and chatted with her. hmm...somethings gone a screw here. past is past....moving on...

more boring days ahead now with V-day looming round the corner. what am i gonna do? what are you gonna do? toodles!!~