first there was

then there was

so end up my face becomes

thats how i look like today. total "nyok" with eyes half opened.

been doing some hard thinking today and jus couldnt decide where again. then came mum who gave a lil nudge on which to pick. gave me that comforting talk on my future. made me felt better but still cried in the shower. i also dunno why i should be crying. its not like i got dumped by a girl or someone passed away. and if i remembered clearly, i didnt even shed or tear or felt remorse when i dumped her back then. what a sucker i was. anyway jus have this feeling of insecurity again over my future. one that janice told me to just fully rely on God cuz if i were to go where He wants me to go, i would grow the most there. sigh. decisions decisions. least i get to prolong my deadline to give ans answer since my results will only be released much later than expected. maybe i should take half a year off. that's what janice advised me to do. go and join some program or camp or ministry or whatever that would build up myself. to listen to God's voice much better. to know His will in my life. to just answer so many things i needed to know. then i t would've given me the peace to go on knowing i have Him to guide me over my walks. even mummy guessing that i wanna take some time off to work or do something else before i proceed. i havent stop yet since form 5. and its been tiring for a student. never had the luxury of months of holidays not even a full month. think prolly thats why i look older than my age. =/

and amazingly i finally fong fei kei today. decided to last minute pull out to go out pai nien. seriously la. with that kinda face wanna go out? ghost see also freak out till die again. also was still tired and muscles aching from futsal last nite where anthony fong fei kei us all. sigh. sendiri organise sendiri tak datang. what is he thinking i wonder. which girl he kept staring in the eys till he forgot the time. but then later going to coffee bean for ruth's farewell so gotta look good. hair looks nice tonight tho so prolly a sign i should go out and for the moment, forget bout the whole thing and just have some good ol laughs and fun time with them all.

cant remember when i snapped this...

i miss the stars i used to stare when i was younger
when the world was unknown to me
with my aunt, my 2 cents worth and the child in me

i miss the seaside i used to play with
when i wouldnt care what the world thinks
there was just me, people and the salty water

i miss the hand i used to hold by
where i felt the warmth of another person
and where i know i was alive

most of all, i miss my aunt
11 months gone by and i still miss u
how u would care for me each day
how u would make me my favourite meal
and till now i dont understand why they dont tell me ur leaving me
i hated them for it...
wish u were still here
my place of comfort each time.
i miss u...
amazing thing is i cant even find a single photo of me and u together
what a niece i've been all these years
i wont have the chance to do it now again...
ever