season of joy

today is christmas and its indeed a very special day for all Christians. it is after all the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus. It's been truly a blessed xmas so far cuz i've truly been blessed with so many gifts and friends. Didnt have the xmas spirit few days ago but it all changed this morning. There was just something different i could feel and indeed its been a great day so far. Probably my best xmas yet - without a xmas tree of my own. Haha. Of all the things i get i got - in this case getting since its on its way to kl now - from my mum. Something ive been wanting to own for sometime now and finally it came true. Wee...wonder what colour mum bought for me.

It wasnt just the gifts that cheered me but also the friends who greeted me and accompanied me. Felt that im remembered and it means a lot to me to have friends around you for christmas. I thought i would be spending xmas alone this year since so many ppl is not here or gone and i didnt have any close friends who stayed here this time but the unlikeliest people i expected accompanied me and i felt happy indeed. And not to mention friends back in KK taking turns to call me to talk. Then people kept asking me to go out to countdown but i turned them down. Didnt like crowds during countdown cuz it can really go all crazy and i might get lost in the crowd. Haha. Sorry guys, perhaps next year or during new year's eve countdown ill com by. Didnt do much too as i stayed home. Sleeping and chatting was the main agenda and i totally did not study today. Haha. funny when i wanted to do it im not allowed. Felt that God wanted me to just take the day off today and relax. It's xmas eve. Enjoy the day right?

There's 4 more weeks till exam commences - rough estimation that is - so i guess i gotta start my preparation asap if i wanna do well in this major hurdle. Make or break scenario that kind. Was thinking if all goes well, which im a lil pessimist on it, i could do 1 subject a week leaving me to just touch up during exam periods so i dont need to be so stressed up. Hopefully i can make it according to plan. This would mean a cut down in games and online. Maybe i should take a msn fast like erin too? seems like an excellent idea to help me keep focus.

If theres 1 thing im worried now is the efficieny of poslaju. Hehe. Awaiting "the parcel" from bro within the next 2 days. Hopefully it would arrive asap so i can sleep soundly at night. Come on, its a 3k worth phone sending through courier. Who wouldnt panic? haha. But now im hearing this in my head : "Cast your burdens unto Jesus". hmm...sounds like God speaking to me again as im blogging. Amazing.

Lastly, just wanna wish everyone a Blessed and Merry Xmas this year especially to w20, w23, w14, attributes ministry, college friends and most importantly, kk friends. miss u guys loads!!

ive missed blogging. thankfully have an hour to do it in the college library, one place i wouldnt fancy hanging around without a jacket cuz im frisking cold now. egads!! quite tired now although slept for 5-6hrs this morning. how stupid of me to virtually not sleep on sunday and was out whole day. gosh, my eyes were heavy like punchbags. dota till 2 then chatting till 3 and mamak till 4. woke up at almost 6 to go klia and endured a 2hr trip. came back wanna sleep but got busted by su min in the call. terus fly over to church.

lesson 101 : sleep earlier!!!
lesson 102 : never take a risk with harry ho. tak steady tu

moving on, the coming weeks and months is gonna be tough on me. real tough. exams at end of january earliest and in jan got promoted to "shift leader" (everyone give kelvin a round of applause). the journey's going up a very steep mountain and im gonna need to push hard to reach the top and come out victorious. not too mention im getting some prob financially so its gonna b tough. still can fulfill pledge but cant afford the extras. noooo..... hhaha.

yesterday had the bookies meeting and boy was it tough. it was the real ass-kicking session and i seriously feel and know la, that quite a huge pointers mentioned was bout me. >.< man i so need to BUCK-UP!

lucky no.7

one thing ive learnt the past 2 weeks is that never to limit God. the more you doubt it, the more u gotta evn do it. like yesterday i didnt wanna go cg but a voice kept telling me, "the more you dont want God, the more you need God and the more you dont wanna go, all the more you gotta go". its really amazing how things can work out when u pay attention to the still small voice thats urging u into the right path. maybe this is part of me growing up. overcoming temptations and obstacles. still at times i know i fall short especially in my speech and behaviour.

was talking to koon the other day bout the past and i end up making a list of ppl i used to like and ever gave chase. haha. there was 6 totally in the list and only 1 succeed. this gives me a percentage of 16.67 success so far. haha, i suck i know. they were:
1)Cheryl - in canada now and became good buds now
2)Cynthia - in sabah and good friends
3)Evelyn - in US now and is one of my best buds
4)Jamie - my ex and now in sarawak and friends
5)Sharon - the best of the 6 and in kedah and the one who knew me best
6)Kher Lit - the one ive fell apart with and location unknown. haha
this sucks. none of them is near me and they always seem to be miles apart from me. plus, in my network of friends, they are the toughest to pick up. sucks!!!!! why do i have a taste for the near impossible? haha. cant go for no.7 now tho until may19 - got deadline summore (^.^). but then no.7 better be the best. lol. thats so lame.

anyway, had fun in cg with lee choo after so long and its great to have cg again. preached on new year resolutions and keeping them. it makes me laugh when i think back my own resolutions for 2006 cuz it really sucked. total 180 of wad im doing now. so since next year is "faith and courage", gotta plan down really good resolutions which i can keep like maybe go to dentist 4 times. hahahahaha. i need one anyway. -_-

unforgettable....that's what you are

thanksgiving is officially over and that technically marks the end of the year 2006. unless you wanna include in christmas which is not really considered an event since its a fixed thingy ady. being the 1st thanksgiving i attended - well i gave a lame excuse last year and i didnt attend - it was awesome and feels good to be part of this church. really love this house. awards were given and friends were going on stage or doing something but personally for me the highlight tonight was something i did after the show. ok so it might not sound like super big but its a stepping stone. plus, small things lead to bigger things - in the norm that is.

picture this, a guy is standing waiting alone panicking waiting for a friend and suddenly sees a girl walks by. upon closer inspection it turns out that the girl was pretty - i mean for real! considering the guy was panicking, obviously he wouldnt reli care much except maybe turn and look a bit then panic again. instead the guy stared at her - curi curi stare la that is. and when the girl walks just right past him, she says bye. O_O!! (panic alert panic alert!!) ok la, we simplify the whole 2 min scenario into simpler english.

she walks past infront of me....
her: bye..
me: *smiles 1 sec*
-she takes few steps past the tree-
me: hey. i didnt get your name
her: my name's ____
me: *smiles back*
her: *takes 3 steps* hey, i didnt get your name too
me: *smiled* my name's kelvin
her: *smiles back and walk towards the door*

how lame can i be man? cant i do something else apart from smiling? geez, now i totally understand why su min say i need to be more serious. all the while i am serious jus that the smile covers up the seriousness in me. sucks. to be honest, i dont think i ever had the guts to do that. even someone i know also smile the most. wont even say something like a hi at least. weirdest thing is this: [its the middle of night with no one around the quiet empty street. who makes friends in this kinda situation? definitely something rare or uncommon at least.]
must be the confidence im brewing up lately. anyway that girl is cheryl ho. hahaha. prettiest girl in w22 and still single i last heard. o.o maybe i should invite her to baskin robbins next week? yikes!!!!

ok ok ok....im still astounded by what i did. eh, shes hot what and im a teenager with raging hormones. ok end of story. but then now that ive gotten over kher lit and im starting to develope a crush for someone ELSE in church. sucks. but then wont have much time to spend with her since shes leaving. prolly next year if im going away. don have to say name also some ppl can guess ady who's that. -_-" bah bah....theres the 6 months program need to fulfill 1st then only talk. dam...a bit regret now i did make it. hahahahahahaha

got some photos snapped after the show. too lazy to transfer over now so ill upload em when i wake up tomorrow. so tired now with headache again for the millionth time this month.

@#$%^&*(

he did it again. po hin once again deliberately left me behind in church when i specifically told him im going back with van. he's amazing isnt he? hes so bloody idiotic!!! can he do something correctly? or at least feel sorry since he did it instead of SMILING BROADLY at me?!! wth is wrong with u ppl!!!!!!

!@#$%^%&*&(*)(_)+__)()(*&^%$#$@@#@$#%$^%^&*&(*)(_()(**&^%^%#$@@#$%^% @#$%^&*&(**&&^%$#Q@!@#$#%^%*^&(*)(*&^&%%#$@@!#$#%^&^*&(&*^&%^$%
!@#@$%#^$&%*^(&)**)(&*&^%$#@!@#!$@#%^$%&*^(&*)(_)*(*&^%%$#
#$%^$&%*(&)*_()*(*&^%^$%#$#@#!$@#%^$&*()*_(()*(&*^&%^$%#$@#!$@#%^$&%*

stew-pit post

we learn something everyday. a new trick, a new word or a new talent. we get 1 everyday. thats what this week has been for me the past 4 days. been learning a lot bout things, people, and most importantly - my mistakes. its normal we hate making mistakes and its rather embarrassing at times when we make mistake so it sucks. but then i realised if we dont make mistakes then we wont know where we are and what to do to go further. sigh...too deep too deep.

this week is gonna be crazy tho. especially the weekend that is. theres assignment to complete, church to attend, thanksgiving night and hopefully - shopping for something to wear for thanksgiving. if not, i might as well dont go since i have nothing to wear. i mean it. trying to neglect the fact that i dont have anything to wear for that night at all and trying my best not to panic at all. deep down i am trust me. wonder if there is something i like, something appropriate to wear, something within my budget, have enough time to shop or not, or someone to teman me go!!!! argh....

tomorrow or should i say is friday and am deciding to skip lecture and lab to have a good rest and get a hair cut. hopefully - severely - that its gonna be a good one. kinda annoyed now with it and wanna do something bout it. seriously wonder how girls keep long hair. all that trouble and patience. hmm...no wonder koon gave up hope and whipped hers short. haha.

dont even know what im blogging now. off to bed for war the coming days.

and the truth shall set you free

feel like blogging now despite the fact im tired, i have an early class in the morning and i still need to do my assignment before bed. i think blogging now would be best, to release everything in my heart so i can narrow down each issue in me. also enables me to work peacefully later and snore when i sleep. (p.s: i dont and i cant snore)

remembered a sermon i heard recently that says guys cannot be alone. wasnt too sure if it was dr. robb or pastor or was it po hin but it was definitely from 1 of them. its when guys are alone they will start to be tempted by the devil and so forth. i think its true. but for me when im alone i will be frustrated more than tempted. its like when its all quiet and ur all alone ur mind start to turn and all ur problems resurface. eg. : financial, relationship, studies and etc. right now im feeling really frustrated.

day started well with going to college and being able to break the 8am duck thats been making me lazy to go class. it was cool really. attending all the classes and had some good laughs between. then when get ready to go lrt to church things went bad. got busted by aunt who saw the piercing on my ear and made a very very sarcastic remark and unsatisfied face to me. that was still bearable really although it didnt came to me she would spot it so soon. hmm...must be it really shining with the sunlight. then in lrt su min called telling the stock arriving late and need help. that was good actually cuz it was time for me to show a lil bit of wad kelvin ong can do to help boss. i did eventually and still managed to enjoy the service. okay that was a good part in between. then came the phone call. one very unexpected call from home which got me startled at 1st that i didnt wanna pick it up. eventually i did and it was mum. there she goes telling/lecturing/sccolding me for going out very gung-ho lately. go where? church. well doubt she knew where i headed anyway since shes so stubborn to listen. pift. and then told me the tux cannot send over since its dirty and dont know how to send.

quote : "dont know how"

wat de? 3 days ago she tell me ok. boleh. ke yi. mou men tei. now she tells me suddenly cannot. geng. and to expect that from my own mum. wad la!!! so now amazingly im back to square one. no idea and possibly no money. well no money infact. calculated again for this month and im on par again. sigh. and this is when the saying strikes me. the truth shall set u free. maybe i should be honest with ppl and things. not keeping the story half told. well..i always do that to my mum for example so i guess this is punishment in accordance. i dont know. i wanna breakdown now feeling frust whole night or should i just go on each day as the hours roll by and wait for the miracle to happen? who knows. i try to not doubt it or worry but its so hard. maybe i shouldve bought that book titled give up worry forever. sigh. and summore jus now thought of blessing ah fu with that sermon cd. now i might have to ignore it. what to do arr God!!!??????!!!!!

when things go well in ministry or with God, the world turns its back on me and start giving me problems. maybe its my time to face it now. see how much i have grown past 6 months. wanna rely on Him but it seems so hard. and ppl tell me the harder it is, the more u need to rely until breakthrough happens...and now she's chattin with me i just wanna skip her totally but my conscience wont allow it. ARGH!!!

alcohol works for once...

i did it. after much mustering the every ounce of courage in beneath my skin but i did it. i finally pierced my ear!!! (baloons released, ribbons rolled across, celebrations begins and champagne bottles popped) lol... it wasnt "that pain" everyone described but infact quite pleasant. jus maybe im too nervous or chickened that it made me numb and shaking all over even after i did it. haha. but then now its a lil stinging but its still bearable. hopefully i wont scream or have restless night like during emerge sports where i fell and hurt so badly my leg i couldnt sleep well for 2 nights. -_-" still...hope that this will be worth it. been meaning to get one for a long time but never had the guts or time for it. proud of myself to finally take the bold decision to neglect every negative issue in my head to stop myself from doing it.

had loadsa fun going out with lo wen and the rest in pyramid. spending the whole afternoon to find dresses for vinna and mei xhian. end up only vinna buying while mei xhian was still deciding. -.- then when it was my turn to scout for a funky t-shirt i found one. it was this black t-shirt with the picture of a banana and writes banana sweets. it was pink/yellow/white on a black. man that was cool!! too bad they didnt have my size. was so disappointed!!! then due to time constraint rushed to buy one and i did buy one from wild channel. but it wasnt funky. maybe jus 25%. man, im never going to shop alone again!!! think ill most likely go out again on sat or friday to shop. see got kaki and money o not. haha. if not, think ill jus head over to pyramid and splash 150 for that cool vest and long sleeve shirt i saw in padini. think is around that price. @_@"

pat mesiti is tomorrow night and tuesday. definitely going but its been tiring past few weeks. and of all ppl, amazing i talked to jacob on sat evening and he gave me some pointers on how to persevere. that when ur more tired the more u gotta push on and rely on God to provide strength for myself. but above all, gotta take the 1st step to move out and let God do the rest and never doubt. sounds tough to me but think with time ill get the hang of it. haha. then on weekend got ps mike connell coming!!! man was so shocked when pastor announced it that he's coming for this weekends service. its sooooo gonna be awesome!!! loving the church more and more. and more....haha

what is elegant?

another day passes so fast in front of me. conference with robb thompson ended 2 days ago and it was great to listen from him again. didnt really get him back in july but then now i understand and see the man in him. as in the anointing he carries in him alongside the presence. it was so strong even in the overflow i could feel it. man, looking forward to see him again next year. hehe.

its week 7 now in college and todays friday. 7 weeks have gone just like that and its halfway the semester already. 7 more weeks to prove myself worth it or not all my efforts all this while (somehow i feel there's something wrong with this line). times gonna fly so soon that when i stop to check again its exam season. and to hear that angeline's going thru the same thing as i did last time reminds myself again to not fail again. ive been there and done that. so whats the point revisiting it again? cannot....must be right again. at least i can some tiny little initiative in me jus now by doing assignment work. that was until i kept waiting till someone ask me to go gaming. sigh.

its december now and my fav month has just passed. its like so fast i didnt even know. so many things happened the last 30 days. well, good and bad that is. but above all, i finally see the bondage i've placed myself in and freeing myself from it. that would be the highlight. one thing that saddens me tho, is how poisonous words can be. truth hurts we all know. but to get it from someone you trust, that's like a knife went straight thru your blood veins. worst thing was, you had to find it out urself accidentall instead of being informed by someone decent enough to tell. it seems things that ppl tell me all year round were all lies after all. and it really disappoints me to know i have such ppl around me. like erin said, relationships are meant to build each other up. if it aint building, break it. trying to keep it alive would only break urself even more at the end. well the last lines from my own not her. hahah :x

but breaking them has only brought up nothing but rewards for me. its like suddenly i know more ppl around me, getting deeper with them and sharing experiences and my 2 cents worth. its like you lose a nickel in offering but gaining a dollar in gift. you get the picture right? how cool is that? seems like my life so far can only get better as i rely more on Him now. being financially uptight so what? i survived november wonderfully throughout nov w/o owing ppl money and instead reduce my debts. i need a transport to travel? someone offers after a prayer. i need a direction to head towards, ppl start telling me what to do. things are like going fantastic!!! and i have only my Father to thank for. ^^

Nokia n80 is a good phone. had a good look at it today and tested it and its worth the money. has every high-end function in the market now with a good price. the only bad thing bout it which i dont like is the sliding part. the slide screen is too thin while the keypad part is too thick. not properly rationed. haha. hopefully the n93 beats em all. haha!!! only 3 more weeks to go till i get it. booyah.

major prob now is what to wear for thanksgiving. for once in my 19 years of life im stressing over what to wear for a 3hr+ function. O.M.Gawd. gotta go sout, look around and hopefully i have something half decent to consider to buy and wear for thanksgiving night. if not theres always bro's very exp white tux which he is offering me now suddenly. one prob is, the shoe is suppose to be white also right? as in to match. haha. you cant possibly wear a white tux with black shoes. that'll REALLY REALLY make me a star then. hahahahahahahahaha. was thinking to wear something like justin timberlake in his mtv for the song my love. a shirt with a tie and vest. looks neat and smart. and then i go cut my hair and have a redo of it followed by a piercing to give a lil bad boy look. lol. i cant imagine how ill turn up. scary (>.<)"