Lately I've been seeing guys wearing printed shirt that says things like "Screw you" and "Piss Off". Well, I think if there's a printed shirt i wanna wear it should have this written on it.


Can't blame me. I'm sweet and Kelicious. Woo, word of the day haha!. But then sometimes, all we need is...

A hug!!!

Think sometimes what we all need is some love. Actually, from time to time. World is lacking love now. War everywhere. Racism in 3rd world countries. Poverty amongst kids. Power hunger amongst the veto countries. Even the simplest things like offering a seat in the train for someone who needs it more is a symbol of love and kindness. Sadly only a minority exist now with that in them. A nice warm hug. A 'lil love and respect from the mates. Some kisses and hugs from the folks or kids. Just something to show a lil appreciation of your existence in another person's life. After all, a hug is free and won't harm a person in anyway no matter who you hug, well in most cases that is HAHA!! Come to think of it, lately I've been approached by random people asking for a dollar or two to buy food. Hey I would give but seeing them physically well, well clothed and able to hold a ciggie at the tip of their fingertips, why would I bother giving them? I reckon the guy i meet outside Nando's occasionally deserves it more than me. Or least, the performers along Swanston and Bourke Street. Least they have some form of talent and putting it to good use. So please please please pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. . . go hug someone today and appreciate them for who they are no matter if its a friend or a loved one or anyone.

Everybody needs love =)

you...

Question, when was the last time you said "I Love You" to someone else? I know that line has been said too casually and used too often the meaning deteriorate. Those words is just used too much everywhere that it doesn't mean anything anymore. Agree? Everyone has a different views on that 3 simple words. Mine's simple, saying that means the receiver is someone I'm looking forward to spend my days growing old and raising kids together while loving each other everyday and even more as days go by. Whats yours? Ponder about it as you go by. Being single till now has given an in depth perspective in the issue of relationships. I admit I have someone in mind now. Probably the whole networking knows about it by now considering how people in U.K knows too without us telling. Day after day i wonder if she feels it too. And if she still feels the same, stronger or weaker. Who knows? =) She's amazing, attractive gorgeous and wonderful of course. Anyway...

We all go through it in various situations. Dramatic or not it doesn't matter. What matters is the outcome of the learning process. There is bound to be good times and there is bound to be bad times. No one asked for bad times and we tend to ignore it and push it at the back of our mind if there's one. A friend of mine told me that the Bible tells about solving your issues before the sun goes down or in the modern day version, before you go to bed and wake up the next morning FRESH instead of waking up to a frustrated mind carrying the worries of yesterday. As for me that is so true but funny that the easiest things is the hardest to learn. Something i can relate with the word trust. To say you trust someone is easy but to do it is like whoa..... Not gonna go too much into that tho. Back to where i stopped, as for me I chose to be single all this while. I've prolly got a fair list of girls i've liked so far in those single years after jamie but nonetheless it was not God's will I got attached even tho came uber close in 3 attempts. I still love the single life, freedom with no strings attached to anyone altho there are times I wish I have someone I can give out my affections and the excess love. I bet you know what I mean :D . Still in the molding process now, character building some would call it. Still learning new things everyday...

Of Easter Bunnies (wannabe that is) and tales over the lunch table . . .

This year's winner for bunny wannabe goes to....

every man and woman for themselves over the dumpling!

One happy family in the end with the kids all well fed.

Yarra river in the dark under the rain.
It was so peaceful and quiet.
So much tranquility in the whole place.
And the behind of where i took this shot is...

The N.G.V. Short for National Gallery of Victoria.

Staring at my clock, it's already 3.34am and the clock still ticks. I realize how fast time goes by when I'm least aware of it. Worst part is, it flies so fast that I'm not making the most of it. It's a shame but most of the time we all do that. There's a whole bunch of statistics to prove that but unfortunately I'm too lazy to Google that out for you now but I can only tell you we spend a significant amount of time each year wasting it doing nothing productive in any way. Nah, I'll spare you and I the long lecture on maximizing the usage of the time give to us each day. I'll be the last person you probably wanna ask on proper time management. Life drifts past us whether we like it or not and only difference is if you wanna let it stroll past you or catch it and run with it.

I wanna run but I'm tired, very tired of running with the flow. Tired of following what others tell me. Tired of the boundaries I'm forced to live in. Tired of the circumstances and consequences that goes against me if I refuse to follow. Tired of the eyes that watches my every move and mocks and laughs at my frailty. Tired of how unreliable friends can be when you need one. Tired of everything. Like a marathon you participate just that you're in the category that has no time limit and the distance is forever. Stop and stare would be my favorite song now and has been the past few weeks. Here's the chorus of it.

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Ohhh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

Notice the words in bold. With all thats tying me up I really feel I'm not going anywhere and all these have made me someone I'm never. Don't get me wrong. I am still a cheerful person, care-free, caring, understanding and loving. The parts of me that has changed through the years and maybe recently, has made me a much quieter person. Believe me when I say that. Someone whom I share my personal problems with, recently scolded me on my attitude lately - well that was a couple of weeks ago and I'm working on it seriously. I've become more reserved, quiet, sometimes too still, but definitely not as enthusiastic, loving and friendly I was last year. That's when I know unconsciously I've built walls around me. Around my jovial spirit. I realize with all that is around me, I've truly become someone I'm not. I just wished things would've been fairer to me. Everything would be as simple and straight forward it can be. Complexity is never my war zone. It leaves the common question amongst us, "Why can't things be any easier?"

One thing's for sure, all these years my emotions dictated my game play. Not just that but a fear in me, that my jovial and care-free spirit would give everyone an impression of immaturity on me. It wouldn't bother me much back then, but hey, that was when I was in my teens. I'm 21 this year and I need to start being more mature. If you think it's still early cause I'm ONLY 21, then shame on you. I don't have the luxury of staying a "kid" or "teen" forever. So yeah, maybe I can narrow it down between expectations I've to meet and the circumstances around me If I ever fail to achieve it. It drives me crazy and it sure as heck drive me nuts. And yes, that's one of the reasons why I'm "emo" from time to time or most of the time. Geez, did I ask for it? Last checked nope.

Like a pigeon who's wings is tied up preventing it from flying even after recovering, the pigeon wants to fly badly. I wanna be myself, doing the things I enjoy or WANT TO DO with no chains. Not with circumstances or rules or boundaries tying me up. Chem/Biology 101, human emotions that are stored up in the person not expressed is turned into a toxin that harms the body in a long run. See how people with mental issues die too early? Suffering from things like depression, Schizophrenic, sleeping disorder and stress end up in health issues like loss of proper mental state, high blood pressure and worst of all, OD and died on your own bed.

P.S: Funny how an engineering student knows things like this. Scary what we can learn in our free time haha!!

I may sound all emotional now typing this. At the start yes I admit I was. But I took the liberty of calming down and going through my words one by one making sure I don't my emotions get the better of me in this post. As conscious, awake and human as i can be, I'm typing this. I know some of us are like that. We all live in expectations and boundaries set by our parents, our boss, our friends, our mentors, our lecturer and even our loved ones. It's harsh and it REALLY HURTS but thats how life can be some times. . Realizing is always the first step towards solution. Admitting is the second step. Getting help is the third and final step. Where do you stand today? "so won't you break free, break free get up and dance?" familiar?

Stand up and be counted!!!

Ever since i saw this picture i cant stop reflecting back the 2years or so of justin's relationship with jovy. One of the things that keeps playing in my mind over and over. Weird to start with considering it wasn't me that went through it and i should be minding my own business. Still, he's my brother and she's the one who built bridges between us both. Yes, as a sibling i sucked for the past 18years or more considering how both of us fight over the pettiest things back then and showing who has the bigger ego in the house - well i end up losing most of it considering i'm younger in age and experience but anyway, i owe it all to her for what me and my bro has today an I'm very much grateful about it. I may not have seen all the photos they took together but i've seen my fair share so far and i think this one explains both of them the most. My brother would be the one making all the lame jokes, the wannabe man but still not quite there yet, the over the edge desire to be cute in 90% of what he does - practically the clown. Jovy would be the nice one, the kind and caring, the compassionate, the lazy bum, the protected one - the serious one. Yeah they both were very in love and into each other. Sadly they both broke up in the end cut it short but still she's one jewel that in my opinion, my bro threw into the ocean. I promise this would be the last time i'll grunt or talk about this unless inclined to due to circumstances. They both have moved on.

Here's some random photo's of the past few days tho =) . To compensate me being lazy and not type my long winded essays today that is hehe. Cheers!

After the fun at the beach. A total SS photo of myself i know =D

Baby Jessie 5 weeks old? or 6? or 7? =S

Talia and her pacifier moments...


Shio Yen and Mel on a candid shot. My heart cried when mel lead worship after such a long time. It was beautiful mel =) you did more than GREAT!

Speculating if Rita was checking her facebook while taking a break in service. (o.O)"

Can see the sign right in the middle?
Thats what we all need nowadays...


Thats right!


The 2 wu liaos - Choi Mei and Seow Hui

It feels like its been a really long time since i posted my last post but then again it was only 3 days ago or so i think. But then the past 3 days sure felt like forever or really long at least. Then again amazing how much things can happen in just 72hours. Some of the things which is the most important i need not write it here as altho this blog is for my personal use and there are some readers that i'm aware of, some things are better kept between those involved. I think if you're reading this you know who you are *wink*.

Things are going well so far. Like a roller coaster, it went down and now its back up again. Lets just hope it stays up long enough for the time being ey? Back to going Uni again after the long weekend where seriously, was like the longest 5days i've ever experienced in my entire life lol. So much happened that summing it up in one paragraph wouldn't be fair to the points i might have missed out or the people involved in it. But then i wanna take this opportunity to thank the people who were there for me being advice, caring or just bringing love back.

Jo, Doug, Kim, Shio Yen, Rita, Mel, Ange, Chrys, Dino, Nikki, Choi Mei, my very cute 23yr old brother, mum, Ben and baby Talia.

If i've missed out a name i'm so sorry i dont remember but thank you all so so much for being there for me. Of course you can never complete a thank you list without the big fella up there - namely, God. For His love, peace and provision in those moments when i need one most.

Now some of you might be wondering, whats baby Talia got to do with it or even, who is baby Talia?!?!?! Here's your answer...


Talia is simone's 1yr old daughter. Well this photo was taken last year and she's got a cap on her head so you can't really tell how she looks like now but i promise lotsa pics of her come this sunday. So what's the connection you ask? Well fairly simple actually. In those "not so pleasant" moments i was in, and when i got a smack in the head to wake up, i was reminded greatly of talia. I feel like a baby, learning to walk for the first time. I remember i saw Talia walking for the first time on that sunday morning and suprisingly, she walked to me! Now i have to admit that altho i am very good with kids, babies wasnt my specialty so for this to happen to me was a big thing. I remember how Talia walked towards me and after one or two steps she fell, but she didn't cry. She SMILED! She stood up and walk again inching closer towards me. Well she eventually got distracted by the tons of female around me and end up walking to one of them as she was SOOO close to me lol. But anyway, that scene came back to me after a good long talk with doug and i never felt better. I remember smiling actually. It was like as if God was giving me this illustration telling me no matter what, you gotta stand up and keep on walking straight. I fall from time to time, we all do. But i'm thankful to have people around me to lift me up again. Sometimes people you least expect is coming on to you and helping you push through it. I can only say that i've been left speechless and in awe too many times but yeah...this "baby" is definitely walking again.

P.S: I'm very proud of myself for holding Talia for the 1st time last week taking care of her while everyone else, yes all the female included, was busy doing this and that and i get to babysit all the kids including Talia lol. Better yet, they keep saying i'm uber good with kids. *Yes my nose expand few inches and my cheeks kembang a lot now* hahahahaha.


Nikki Kah i will forever hate you for this photo lol. For asking me to act cute like my brother whom i totally despise of due to his cuteness (-_-)". But then seriously la, i don't look like my brother, dont talk like him, don't walk like him, don't laugh like him and definitely, don't have the same type of humor as him!!! argh i give up trying to convince you people I'm not like him. Yes she's my brother's 1st ex whom I'm hanging out with in Melbourne oddly. But then she's 2years older than me, is super random, and a complete party girl so yeah, NO CHANCE I'll fall for her if any of you are wondering. Must highlight that just in case y'all cannot read v(^_^)v


Here's a bonus for today's post tho. An old song courtesy of Ruthie who's apparently been listening to it the whole night and got me hook on it too now. Ish you this =P But yeah, love this song and the words especially =) Enjoy!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA8193wrmro

What else can i say, won't be posting any till Sunday soonest cause I'll be at Choi Mei's place this weekend to do some girly stuffs and build the Taj Mahal at the frankston beach. Lol no I'm seriously not doing those mind you but i'll be at her place. Just need to feel some sand and the beach before it gets too cold to do that come winter.



___________________________________________________________________

And since this is my blog and i cant be expressing these words to you directly altho i know you'll be reading it anyway, just ought to let you know that i'm sorry for the whole thing, that i caused those swollen eyes in that sarong pic and to make you feel really down bout it. But i think about you all the time even when i'm busy drawing and rushing to finish my sketches. Manquer vous toujours...

Dearest Ruth,

I cannot stand staying appear offline and not nudge you. A single Hi even or a smiley. So close yet so far. I cant stand staying in my place now for everything i see and everywhere i turn i see something that connects remind you. I look at my laptop i see your face on my wallpaper. I look down the table i see the hall's sweet wrapper u gave me before i went back, the last sweet in your bag that time. Bet you don't remember but i do. I go to bed in my room i see the card you made me. Your face still smiling in your lil pretty white dress. Gosh you look so beautiful in it. For once i saw something so perfect. I look into my cupboard and each top has a memory. My blue adidas you love to see me in. My pink levis we wore in sutera the night before i flew. The green esprit i wore in the airport before i flew. Every single bit of memory still fresh in my head. Every single bit that ever happened...

I type this cuz i know ur gonna read it. I know its hard on you. Tears still outpouring in your heart and eyes. I never asked for this to happen between us. Give me one wish and i will only wish i could freeze the moment and wipe them all away and keep it paused. That way you would never have to cry again and be still in that moment where nothing matters at all. But i guess reality is never a friend of mine. Least i can only wish i can freeze my moment so i wont have to drop another tear down my eyes. I can only tell you i'm still crying now as i type this. No matter how much i try to distract myself now with loads of things to do but only you appear on my mind.

I regret every single minute since 7. 09 pm. The time we hung up one last time. I regret the fact i'll never hear your voice again. Never see ur sms again. Never see ur face again - again till ur ready that is. When time permits. I hate myself for even bringing that option in the very beginning. I lied. I tell myself i have peace for pulling the trigger. I dont and I hate myself for lying bout that. I cant sleep i cant eat i cant move. I laugh so loud with everyone but i never felt so empty before. I only wonder how long will this go on for me. Recover? Maybe i will one day but till that day comes....i'll stay in misery. Not cuz i want to but i just dont have the strength to move out from that seat now. Not without your hand.

Never did so many people cared for me 1 by 1 considering how few i told. Everyone's trying to bring me on my own 2 feet again but it just feels so hard right now. Ironic how i find the 2 likeliest person that im not close to even is helping me. Chrystella and Dino. Thank you both so much for being my senior and helping me to plan to pump out my endorphines.

So much more i wanna type now but i just cant go on. Not while tears still flow from my eyes now. I just want u back now....cant i be selfish for once in my life? selfish publicly. Is there anyway i can undo what has happened? I just wanna call u so much now but i know i cant. But now i know you wont pick it up. Not replying my sms or anything. I wont blame u. I cant anyway. I just dont know how anymore....I'm still waiting on a june that will never come i feel. goodbye

Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown - No Air

(Pre-Chorus)
But How
Do you expect me
To live alone with just me
Cause my world revolves around you
its so hard for me to breathe

(Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live can't breathe with no air
thats how i feel whenever you ain't there
Its No Air No Air
Got me out here and the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me
if you ain't here i just can't breathe
Its No Air No Air

Jordin Sparks - Tattoo

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

I'll always have you, I'll always have you

Hillsong United - Still

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

All American Rejects - Move Along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along


Four songs to sum up all I am now. Never been this empty before ever. I felt like i've just lost her off my life completely. But i had to. I had to do it for the better of her so she can move on and not let me be a stumbling block. What i feel isnt included in the equation. All that matters is her. Doesn't matter how much joy i can bring into her life now. It wont matter. Nothing will ever matter now. Its not the time. When? I dont know when. I wish i do. All i know is when she's ready, I'll be here waiting. I miss her.....so much more than ever before yet i cant do anything. I've to be strong myself too i know. I only hope she wont read this post. I cant bear another tear down her beautiful eyes. Shes more beautiful than a portrait. One that cannot be tainted by my dirty hands.

I finally realize why i love to shower long. Not that I love to waste water and don't care about it since I don't have to pay water bills but I find showering the most peaceful time. The feeling of water flowing down on your face and the serenity that accompanies it. It's like it's just you're the only one alive that confined space where nothing else matters to you. A time to think and reflect back of everything. A time to plan. A time for peace. A time to talk to God. A time to say a quiet prayer. Or probably for some, a time to practice those off tunes songs that you love to sing. But for whatever reason we carry, it's "your" moment.

As for me I've always use my shower times to reflect on things that runs through my mind of late. If I'm not thinking I would be planning ahead then. Today's been a really odd day for me actually. Things are just happening around me and I felt spaced out from reality, something like third person view if you know what i mean. It's been an eventful day I would say but from a different perspective. From going zoning out my mind and pushing through the assignment this afternoon to pacing myself to the train station slowly where oddly, I was the 1st to reach. Talking to someone randomly in the train and heading over to Pastor's place for dinner with the whole troop.

Anyway I'll just get straight to the juicy bit. I realize how hypocrite us humans can be. And what a good liar we are at times. Christians don't fall short of this category mind you. I'm gonna bet no matter how "good" as a Christian we are, we fall short at times on the simplest of things. I like to think the simplest yet most common example is when someone asks "How are you?" and we go on answering "Yeah I'm good thanks". Stop. Think about what your answer was. Was it really good? I'm not saying no one has a good week ever but I'm sure that each week or maybe each day we face a difficulty. Challenges come and go in our lives no doubt but it's how we deal with it.

Anyway back on track, it's ironic how when someone asks that question we automatically respond saying it's been good. Try asking again or look into their eyes a little deeper and give them that genuine caring face and you'll get a different answer in 15seconds. If only we all open up a little bit more.Friends are always here for each other when one is down or facing a problem. Friends don't laugh at one another and friends are ALWAYS there for you no matter what.

We're sometimes like a wound if we put life into perspective. You treat it by giving it antiseptic after some washing. Then you tape or bandaged it if required and then you let it open to heal itself in the later stages. The washing represents us letting out our problems. What has been worrying us the before. We bare it all out or even cry it out if we have to. It never fail to make you feel better. The antiseptic represents friends or people we trust in our lives to speak into us and help us grow or heal. Its sole purpose is to do you good and nothing else. The taping is the time we get comforted and be in a safe zone. Just loved and cared for every moment never leaving you feel alone. Finally, when we open up our bandage, thats when we know we are strong enough to stand on our own two feet and face the world again.

I urge you, open up and don't let your problems bring you down. Sort it out before it sorts you out of your sane mind. Never think that problem is there to make your life worst. God places it there for a purpose and that reason is for you to wake up and find out. He never leaves our side for a single second. Always there just waiting for us to call out unto Him. If He never bothered, why would He create us in the very beginning? Just to let us suffer and be in misery? God is never mean to us in that way. He loved us so much He sent His only Son to die on the Cross for us. He opened up His heart for us through Christ Jesus.

I'm not perfect. The only reason I'm typing this is solely because I face the same problem. All of us do and I wanna share it with you.The difference is that i respond to it and try not to let the situation get the best of me. I thank God for caring loving people around me where I find comfort and just be myself. Yes in the beginning i tend to put on a mask and be as normal as I can be. Who doesn't? Just that i realize my mistake and I change my ways. I thank God He places a word in my heart. That He rebukes my negative thinking and gives me something to ponder on. I can only pray we learn from our mistakes and try our best not to repeat it again. If we somehow did, at least you and I know how to respond to it. Please...open up your heart. Bring down those walls around you. You're never alone in this world =)

2 Corinthians 4: 8 - 10

"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed - always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body."

I was going through my Bible looking for a verse but I had no clue where to start to be honest. All I did was just flip through the glossary and I find myself stumbled upon this beautiful verse. It's just amazing how God can lead your fingers to find something so relevant and straight into it. The verse says it all =)

Remember i said i dislike Wednesdays for this semester? Well I'm gonna have to take back my words and exclude this Wed out for special reasons. Haha. Don't blame me tho, today is one day where things went smoothly for me. Not to say super duper juber uber smoothly but smooth enough a baby's bum lost. Okay maybe that example was a bit too much

*ugh i can feel my arm's muscles soaring while i type this. Too much sit ups can be a bad thing sometimes*

Well i do have to admit i was on the brink of skipping the morning class due to laziness and severe procrastination but thank God i kicked my head and walked to Uni - not without being 10mins late that is!! typical kel for ya'll on his lazy days haha!! it's a bad habit i know which im not proud of and trying 25% harder to curb this semester. or was it 33%? bah who cares lol...

*note to self: having supper the night before helps curb the hunger in the morning and enables me to skip brekkie at times*

Time to kick into the juicy bits tho before i bore you and myself describing every single minute of my very uninteresting day in uni - trust me, i would bore myself to death so badly i might just pass out in front of my lappy.

Part 1: The one where the guy sends first

So yeah, i find myself in a awkward position yet again - buying flowers that is. Do you know how hard it is to buy flowers? there's like a gazillion trillion types of flowers with all kinds of colours and names and meaning behind it. Now i know why guys was never wired to do flowering business in the beginning, well most guys that is. I'm not being a sexist here geez...

Long story cut short, after lotsa googling, browsing, colour picking, decoration selection and weighing in all the added stuffs, finally came out with one after an hour or so of hard thinking. I cannot imagine if a guy's tux for his prom night or wedding is that hard lol. Thank God for simple guy preferences :D. once again im not being sexist and discriminating the female population. Dont know what got into my head again haha. So yeah, here's the end result of my secret mission!

Leaving behind one very happy "customer" that is =P

Part 2: The one where the guy got a taste of his own medicine

I was never the type of student who pays attention in class back in secondary school but one of the things i remember is "buat baik dibalas baik, buat jahat dibalas jahat" from moral class. Odd right? And again, i dont remember ever being left speechless totally before except last year's birthday lunch which was a real shock to me lol but anyway, got a lil package from ruthie today and well, was playing down my chances thinking that yeah, thats a card she bought thanking me for the book and card and some add-ons prolly. Then again, i was the one left jaw dropping when i saw the "card" inside. Handmade and special is 2 words best describe that card.

Its a handmade card with our picture in front of it and a really lovely message inside

Guess im the one who got left hanging in my steps at the end of the day eh?

Score update: Ruth 2 : 1 Kel

Part 3: For her eyes only =/

I dont know what to say ruth but since having you in my life you've fulfilled some of the things i've always wanted to experience thru the years. The ice cream, a warm hug at night, a card/potrait of us handmade and so much more. It's life coming back to me when i least expected. You've never fail to make me laugh although im the one making you laugh but you made me laugh with your laughs and giggles too. 4 months will pass quickly i promise. It's already march now and when easter is all over, its already april and bout time to start worrying due date assignments. We'll both be buried i suppose but i should be the one lazing more haha but i'll always be there for you.