ahhhhhh...blogging~~

miss doing this for the past few days due tight schedule and internet connection went down.
not really a problem now though.
in the midst of Ps. Pat's conference and its been one heck of a roller coaster ride so far with his preaching.
best part was, to see wai and shirley coming to church.
man, harry musta did something so right to convince him to come after so many years and the sight of him walking inside the church - priceless.
hope this is the beginning of more great to come.
after all, march is still a month of decisions, trials and answers.

"you know the solution of your problem but you choose to be in denial about it only"

anonymous

got this from someone tonight while spending some long hours catching up with each other and discussing how our lives has been so far.
never thought of doing it with "anonymous" of all people but seems that this person is a lot like me going through all the struggles of a young adult.
one word - awesome.
and in the end came up with a story bout "Z"

Z has a problem and Z tries hard to solve it
unconciously, Z refuses to solve it
Z wants to be selfish, stubborn and in denial
Z has many friends and all tells the same
its time to solve it once and for all
unfortunately Z is stubborn, very in fact
at times, i wanna tell Z to wake up
wake up and smell the coffee and realise
there's more to life for Z and brighter days
but Z still stands in the middle, still refusing
we all look in agony, pain, irritated, agitated
still Z is a friend, least is we support Z
im tired tho, dont know how long i can go on
probably its time i let the Almighty deal
im already stuck in this icebox in my heart

P.S: if its too confusing to understand please forgive me. names cannot be mentioned due to privacy and i wish to keep blogging simple tonight. it's best only a handful know what im talking about here. =) cheers + toodles~

"In the past I made the starting point of my relationships what I wanted instead of what God wanted. I looked out for my needs and fit others into my agenda. Did I find fulfillment? No, I only found compromise and heartache. I not only hurt myself, and, most seriously, I sinned against God.

But when I reversed my attitude and made my main priority in relationships pleasing God and blessing others, I found true peace and joy. Smart love unlocks God's best for our lives. When I stopped viewing girls as potential girlfriends and started treating them as sisters in Christ, I discovered the richness of true friendship. "

I quoted this part from the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. There's more to where that came from but as I was reading it in the lrt for the first 25minutes, this part struck me the most. It reminds me of the hurts i've received from the past and how I selfishly viewed things in this area. Haha. I so deserve this. It's like so many times God has been telling me "Kel!!!! you're super duper not ready for relationships yet since your last! Don't be so harsh in getting one now." Prolly the hardened ear wax in my spiritual ear caused me to be deaf to it so far.

I had the opportunity to engage into this book several years ago, while i was entering my teenage years but with the ego I had in me and the mindset that i'm ready to take on the world, i refused this book and end up being the biggest loser in this little game we play. It's never too late tho for anything. I do have a tendency to learn things the hard way in every aspect of my life. Therefore, at this age of 20, probably it is yet the best time for me to engage into this book and learn it's principles. After all, relationships at this stage is preparing ourselves for the bigger picture. You know what i'm talking about. *winking* haha.

But then i'm being happy now with everything. Well, not entirely happy but least i'm not complaining. Being able to establish back the lost relationships with several close friends is the biggest catch of the day - girls that is - and to not go beyond that line is really the icing on the cake. All the more, being busy with studies and church activities leaves me no time to think of girls. Well, maybe when i'm showering or that 5 minutes before i doze off in bed at night. haha. Still, my one big problem has been settled already without me even knowing it. It feels like God just came and took it away during prayer meeting. Maybe even as early as when I was preparing my heart for prayer meeting, to get my spirit right with Him. I cannot think of a happier state of myself than now. Amen!!!

Still, like lo wen has always reminded me, it's never an easy journey but you gotta push through all the way. Jus glad there's people watchin my back when i'm about to fall or having problems. This is definitely one of the best advantages in becoming a Christian. Hallelujah!! But I feel the urgency to start anew tonight. To start fresh in my relationships. And the thing is, there's this ringing from God telling me to apologise for the lies and craps and undelivered promises i've made. Well, if that's His will, it shall be done then. Sorry!!! I mean it (>.<)"

baby shannon - as cute as ever like her parents

looking out my window, i see long hours and days ahead of me. studying is said to be the best part in our lives with all the freedom we get. after all, we only have exams to worry about for 3 weeks or lesser every 3 or 6 months. sounds ideal and thoroughly appealing to almost everyone but not me nowadays. in my final semester now and i can really feel the tension rising up adi. gotta do well after all. its now or never...

amazingly today has been a great day. wonderful in fact. spent the whole day studying and managed to go prayer meeting which i gotta say, was totally awesome when everyone goes praying in tongues and 15mins passes JUST LIKE THAT. really W-O-W. haha. feel charged up again and ready to take on the world for another fight. the best part was, really icing on the cake, was that i have total control over my emotions and no "girl" problem in my mind. haha. think some people would understand what im yapping here. ^^

even the radio understands me well now by playing the song "scars" by papa roach. so good timing o. i urge you to check out the lyrics bout it. really fits my shoe right now and what i should do. haha. problem is i care too much about everyone else till i lack the urge and time to care bout my own needs. over sacrificing prolly. still...life is good!! loving the stress and busy-ness i go thru each day. but then im thinking of working part time. wonder if it would affect my time to study or not? but i sure could use the extra cash to push thru this very long and faith stretching season of sowing and reaping.

building the rock of newspapers and sticky glue...yerrrr

days go by and still i think of you,
and i've become more and more out of touch with reality,
thankfully i found hands to carry me back,
hands of those not i wanted from,
but that of what i need most,

it hurts every day when i think of it,
and honestly, like hell sometimes,
still i'm a fool to go through it,
letting go wouldnt be an option tho,
not even at the 14th floor,
stubbornness runs in the family.

been tired of counselling lately,
why me i wonder,
i'm no perfect person,
just doing what i know correctly,
maybe it's my turn,
to return back to God what He gave me earlier.

in a future full of uncertainty,
it's only driving me nuts,
i dont wanna think bout it,
but everything around me reminds me,
friends, family, special ones, everyone,
i want you all to leave me alone,
let me deal with it in time,
is that too much to ask of you?

i cant be selfish,
never learnt that word in school,
i have to be the light,
anyone who needs it,
thats why ive gotta keep smiling,
driving myself and motivating with optimism,
its tiring, forceful at times,
but emotions fluctuate with time,
its harder to control tonight,
but i wont lose, not when there's one more soul on my watch tonight,
i shant give up for the better of tomorrow,
not when the fight isnt over...

in lonely moments,
in cold nights,
in warm mornings,
in afternoons,
in rainy evenings,
there will always be a hand stretching to grasp you back,
one that never fails,
don be afraid to step out,
we've got your back covered.

results came out today via pass/fail list. woke up at 9.26am from shorty's call bout results being released earlier before scheduled. sudahlah i told him i very benci people waking me up before my alarm ring (which was 9.30am today) he still pretend nothing happened. gotta cut that guy some slacks tho. after all, he didnt do well and took loadsa comforting talk with a whole dose of optimism to get him to bounce back. then when came boon wee with the same news i directly k.o. im outta prep talk scripts adi. sigh...

well bout myself, the best scenario of passing everything was not meant to be knocking on my doorstep today. failed one paper tho which was CNC technology. if there was something to blame for this to happen is watching footie in mamak at 2am. (-_-)!! somemore it was the match where Man U thrashed tottenham 4-0. morale of the story, no more footie matches in exam periods!!! 1 paper wont really affect me much tho since i passed the super duper muper juper luper tuper important ones. this one? can de la...

dad wasnt too happy bout it tho but nor was he angry. just want me to buck up cuz he's like more worried bout me not getting into Uni than myself now. (>.>) parents, amazing people in our lives eh? haha. and in conclusion, he wants nothing lesser than 3.0 in my cgpa. demanding parents. good also ler...got motivation and pressure to study. hahahahaha...still got mummy to deal with. good thing she busy in taiwan now. hahaha. less half the pressure jor (^.^)v

so end up skipping another day of class again. 2 lectures that is and went to play bowling!!!! if theres a proper reason to skip classes, this would be a legitimate or acceptable reason. anyway 7 of us end up going to midvalley and bowled 3 very very very long rounds. 4hrs to be exact. end up bowling till my right hand cannot do workout jor. happy with my game today cuz reach 100 above with more strikes and spare. yay~ amazing thing was for 3 times, yeap THREE times, the ball bounced up from longkang and whack the pins. i turn my back and i can 6 guys with their jaws dropped. must be me being too geng or "someone" helped me while bowling. best thing was, i never felt so competitive while bowling. 3 of us were like banging strikes after strikes and spares after spares. pressure man!!!!

the lanes after lights turned off and dance music being played...

in stance ready to bowl the ball...
feeling dejected after my near perfect stance only got 1 pin (~.~)

bored while waiting for george...

had my 1st practice with the rest of the cast for easter production today and had lots of fun. at some point too much till i cant forgot i stopped laughing at albert especially. what is wrong with this cast anyway? theres like too much humour in each of them that this whole drama can actually become a comedy. if even heng as Jesus can crack up jokes halfway, what else? this is definitely a recipe for disaster. but then its great to see such a great cast of ppl for this easter and tho my role maybe small, im enjoying it. everyone starts from something small anyway. still, i wonder who signed me up in the production? i know liew was by lee choo, but for kenny and me? (-_-)!! there must be some conspiracy to it. but erin, its definitely NOT KEITH!!! hahaha...u weirdo funny "auntie" (^.^)v. but all this excitement is making me look forward to easter. feel like a new born christian again - minus the baby part la. but its like this new faith inside me. awesome....

I want to follow but what does it mean,
To live in this world and keep everything clean.
Nothing I own here is ever my own,
When I live in the mercy and blessing you've shown.
I lay down my rights; see the world through your eyes,
And fight for the hungry who pay for our lives,
I want to have you in all of my world.
So Jesus consume me, flow through me, cos now is the time...

As i look into the bridge of this song and try to understand it, it got me thinking again. what does it really mean to follow Jesus? to do His works like in Mark 16:15. and then i began to recap back the past few years of my life. it's never been a happy journey filled with non-stop laughter each day all the way. there's always a problem here and there. persecution from friends and family. bad things that we wished never happened. but despite that every other day has been really wonderful. more meaningful. more exciting and thrilling. like when counting down and preparing for youth camps or conferences like emerge. or being so stressed out over exam periods and being faith stretched then. or gotten so happy or depressed over relationships with friends or loved ones. but then its been an amazing journey so far.

and right now i feel great. great altho i skipped the whole day of college today because i talked to someone who's inspired me to go on and gave me directions once more. after all, the no.1 priority in our lives is God. so if i cant deal straight with Him 1st, i cant do anything else right. so if i were to skip class today to make it right, it would still be a wrong thing but i gotta do it. okay im confusing myself now (-_-). quiet time is much more fun now, the word of God is much livelier.

HEAD OVER HEAR

that's one thing i've learnt outside the four walls of a class today. its having the ability to choose to do the right thing despite how much the situation is against you and still able to deliver it. i may be emotional but that doesnt mean i should show it all the time to everyone. some selective people only who are above me and wise enough to help me through it. this means i can still be emotional. yay!! and being the stubborn person i am, i gotta admit i'm not ready to fall into a relationship at all. least for now. truth hurts but it heals better and faster.

to someone special, for brighter days ahead in our lives, for happier days with sunshine... =)

the world of blogging is taking a twist right now in my view. everyone's gonna be blogging now. minus the fact that i already know a whole bunch of people who blogs atm but with the church engaging the blogging culture, it's gonna be somehow...awkward i think?

i can't really imagine someone like lee choo or po hin blogging on the net. not that they're not "hype" enough for it or dont have the talents but its more of what they're gonna write. and to be honest, i'm dying of curiosity. what they'll write, how much can they bare out, if it's gonna be interesting or not to the readers? i've got tons to find out but yet it kinda feels awkward to me.

on the other hand, it would be awesome to know what people like teh and the rest of the usher team can blog. after all, they seem to be so fun to be with. ok i'm biased. i spend more time with them during serving and we always play around with each other. :P still,for good or for worst, it'll be interesting to read all the blogs the leaders and staff have. haha...

here's something really random to pop up in the midst of blogging...

here's something encouraging, really positive and helpful i learnt couple of days ago. not really learnt but it was more of a revelation from God. somehow i seem to be getting quite a few lately. it's that each day, we ought to speak positive things TO ourselves. stand up straight, walk up to the mirror and pray over ourselves. i find each time i do it, it really works wonders and theres a whole lotta difference in that day. prolly can try speaking positive things to ourselves, or ask for something from God such as wisdom and guidance to lead ourselves throughout the day, etc etc etc. give it a try =)

kids performing a song for ministry recruitment...

kinda ashamed of myself. if kids at the age of 14? 15? or lower can play instruments while i cant, what else have got to say bout myself? (-.-)!!

had the 1st class with keith today and it went really well. as if i really enjoyed it for the first time. felt blessed i manage to pull myself up and go attend this class after consulting with lee choo. and that to face my problems instead of running from it. probably the best thing i've done this year so far. thanks God...and here begins my journey of recovering from backsliding. gogo kel!!

airports are definitely the best place to grab some much needed liquor or choc without the duty

a very nice and recommended album to hear...totaly awesome!!

al' demonstrates us how to eat french toast during dinner...@#$!?

well, life goes on and college semester resumes with classes everyday. only thing thats killing me now is the intense heat and the weather lately. its either reli wet or reli dry. then there's long breaks like 4hrs everyday to deal with. klcc is 20mins away with nothing to do there. cyber cafe's are a total waste of money. there's not basketball and not enuff legs for futsal. and i'm not in full gear to go library yet. i'm so dead with boredom (= =)

then there's a new lecturer for maths. and as far as i know, i don't fancy him too much. plus he's kinda boring. so here's wad we few did during lectures. (^^)v
yeap, playing cards to kill time. ahaha!!
him giving us the maths talk. zzz...

then there's shawn and sai kit's birthday we celebrated at McD. and with all those oily fried food there. i'm totally doomed. my face i mean. haha. need go do mask adi at night!!! this time, we bought both of them seperate cakes. the small little ones for individuals. we were planning to let them eat it but in the end, nah...so both got splat on their faces on the cake. it was awesome. we totally rocked McD with the whole place looking at us and the workers wondering how much mess we made with the cakes.

this was sai kit's cake. total flat on his forehead. awesome!!

life goes on tho. feeling kinda upbeat now but for reasons i dont know why. jus everyone i talk to or see is smiling at me, reminding me optimism, being cheerful and all. guess happiness is infectious to one another. but there's exam results coming out next week. the supposedly tense, nervous and shakey feelingh hasnt really kick into me yet and infact i'm dying to know now. least i would be able to plan ahead. plus "shorty" has been bugging me where i wanna go after graduating. rmit? monash? nottingham? bla bla bla...dont really matter now. what matters is graduating. then i'll find out if i wanna go or not. thats if i find a reason to stay here or not. i'm gonna leave that to some few very influential people to help me decide on it tho... =)

mummy dearest going taiwan tomorrow. worry if anything happens to her and hopefully she's gonna have a lotta fun there. then also do some shopping for dearest son here. haha. but i wonder, whats there to buy in taiwan? and is there anything special i can get in taiwan where malaysia cannot buy? decisions decisions.

tablets o tablets
why aren't thou made in a lovelier way?
sweeter and smaller
more appealing to its consumer
altho you are important
and nutritious
yet you don't look nor taste nice...@!#$%

fidg·et
v. fidg·et·ed, fidg·et·ing, fidg·ets
v.intr.
1. To behave or move nervously or restlessly.
v.tr.
To cause to behave or move nervously or restlessly.
n.
1. A condition of restlessness as manifested by nervous movements. Often used in the plural with the.
2. One that fidgets.

[From obsolete and dialectal fidge, to move restlessly]

17 days. 408hours. 24480 minutes. 1468800 seconds. thats how long i was fidgeting. being so nervous. so restless bout everything. so indeisive of myself. i remembered telling kher lit to ask herself what she wants in her own life. maybe back then i should've asked myself what i want in my life instead. too late? some say better late than never. life goes on.

im just glad im on the right track now on what i need. it felt great to hear people telling me how i've been different now. to be able to stand firm on things i believe in. principles that i stood by. the self confidence i bring to the table. my speech and attitude. guess that's how God has changed me over the years. it's march now. 3rd month of the year. 2 has gone by and 10 more to go. time is passing by fast.

i got knocked by a revelation from Him. well, if it's not from Him it was from something. but im pretty sure it's Him. to be the man i was raised to be. it feels good. to wake up one morning and everything makes sense to me. to know wad i need to do. 15minutes with erin on msn. that was all i need. a lil talk with her. to tell her bout it and she being supportive. it meant alot to me. i wonder how many people can do it to me as i scroll down my phonebook.

vow
n.
1. An earnest promise to perform a specified act or behave in a certain manner, especially a solemn promise to live and act in accordance with the rules of a religious order: take the vows of a nun.
2. A declaration or assertion.

v., vowed, vow·ing, vows.

v.tr.
1. To promise solemnly; pledge. See synonyms at promise.
2.To make a pledge or threat to undertake: vowing revenge on their persecutors.

a person don't simply make vows just so he/she can break it. i made a vow and therefore i gotta fulfill it. guessed i overlook or forgotten my vow ever existed after 2 months into it. lousy me. but then i got a gentle reminder of keeping my vows therefore i'm keeping. May 23. i'm looking to you when the day comes. what kinda vow is it? only a handful know and it amuses me justin is laughing at me but jovy is kinda supporting me. stupid brother.

its been a heck of a day today. filled with fun, pain, drowsy and so much more. but it couldnt be better to kick myself out of my misery shell state the past few days. started the day by facing the mirror and praying for self and speak positive things to myself. something i need to do more often. remembered that from some sermon i heard previously. ops...

woke up, showered, lunched and spent the whole afternoon in karamunsing complex doing facial treatment, massage and etc. 3hrs and it felt GOOD!!! except the part where the person "forked" out my blackheads which caused me so much pain and the long wait for the mask to finish its thingy on my face. but it felt good. its giving me the feeling of wanting to be a more metro person now and amazingly, mummy supports it. yay.

and it gets even better from there, mum bought me a new memory card for my phone. well, she insisted i pay with my own money but in the end she bought it for me. haha. finally i got wad i wanted after getting my n93 back then. im ready to snap the world at its barest moments now. (^^) went back home, showered and got ready to go dinner. 2 different aunties birthday. i used to hate these "adult" dinners but now im enjoying it more often since im beginning to be part of the community. well, theres alcohol and hottie there too. lol!!! so transparent of me.

this is my favourite dish of the night
its a slice of crispy chicken skin on top of a slice of mango on top of a
whole chunk of chicken salad with a thick piece of lettuce. mama mia!!!

aunt slyvia's cake - the award winning choc moist cake
aunt doris's cake - very de sweet butter peanut cake

bring me to the moon...

dinner was crazy. 10 dishes , 3 desserts, 2 cakes and lots of alcohol. amazing. i was like super bloated at the 9th dish but then came the 10th. summore got 3 desserts. omg!!! im not blackhole lo. mango pudding, coconut jelly and 1 more delicacy. sigh. why didnt i have a larger capacity?? it was like next best thing to heaven. lol. jk jk. sorry God. (>.<). biggest mistake of the night was my 4 1/2 cups of whisky. didnt plan to drive tonight so tot i could get a lil naughty but then end up aunt veronica request my mum let me drive away so it like too late. 4 cups down adi with 1 more left. sigh. bad bad kelvin. hahaha. seriously didnt feel that well when reach sutera harbour to walk walk with vec, jas, cyn and jamie. a lil dizzy jor. thankfully end up sober 100% now. (^^)v

but the day couldnt have been any better when i finally know my family. literally. 19 years 3 months and i never knew who my real dad and mum is. haha. not like their some secret agent spy or terrorist or working with the government but their real job, who they are really and everything behind the scenes. truly, i have a great family and it makes me proud when everytime ppl tell me my mum loves me lot cuz i know she does with the things she has done for me behind the scenes. jus something i wanna release here....i love my family. =)