It's ironic how life is well balanced whether u like it or not. It's like how some things u want it to run this way but it ends up another way and when you want that not to happen that way, it always always end up in that way. It tickles the funny bone when you stop and look at the whole picture but sadly the general population is unable to do that. Frust and throw a fist all u want now and when you're done, you'll forget about it and move on with life. Just shows how shallow us humans can be.

Weather is changing drastically once again and winter is expected to hit melburnians sooner than later so instead of July, it'll most likely be around June - beginning of june probably. Autumn has already unofficially kick in now. Strong cold winds, showers in the morning and night, sun well hidden behind the dark clouds. It IS a beautiful sight to watch actually. Always have been a joy of mine to watch the skies. Brings back memories when I first watched the rain in aunt's bedroom as a kid. It was beautiful although i may not have understood much at that tender age of four or five. Still do it when i was in KL and KK in my own room but not anymore here. All i see is my four walls and if i look beyond my window, all i see is next door where its most likely the guy is playing his game console or watching tv or drinking topless or with a shirt - yeah a LOL for that. I miss staring at the rain i really do.

I hate wednesdays and i'll continue hating it till the end of semester. Okay hate may be too strong a word to use here but i definitely dislike it (sounds much better now lol). CAD classes haven't even begun yet and classes are almost 3hrs on the run. Will only get worst when CAD begins. 4? 5? 6? Oh boy i dont wanna know, really. And to add salt to the wound, when thursday's subject is finally kicking in, it'll be early morning in essendon. Rita suggest i might as well go all the way to the airport and fly away for the weekend if im too lazy to go down at essendon campus. Haha. Sounds tempting really. See how la.

Happy tho that mel is finally back. Shorter hair, but still packs a punch in her words and still exist the love-hate relation between us. Another semester of 'who can throw the better sarcasm" is gonna start soon! Of course, the odds are stacked heavily against me like 150 - 1 atm? -_-". Still find it difficult if thats the word, to adjust to a surrounding filled with girls. There's rita, mel, ange, shio yen, reika, and 1 new girl (ops i forgot ur name =/ ). Need more guys, need more patience to withstand their onslaught and most of all, need more muscles to carry grocery bags hhahahahahahah. *continues praying for fabian to settle down in compass!!!*

Well i guess thats enough rambling for one post. Too much makes the post "unpostable". Thank God for long hours of sleep tonight!

P.s : I know you're gonna read this. Gonna say this one last time, je suis désolé =)

I promised pictures in my previous post so here they are!! As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. I felt generous so its a thousand words plus some captions. Haha.

My favorite Bible of all, the IBible
then again sarah recommended IWord since it's one syllable. hmm....

the snack table prior to our very first lifegroup in Rita's place.
notice the lesser chips in the left bowl. wonder where did those chips end up =P

seriously the most exp toy gift for someone else @ $59.99 for lil april for her belated birthday. she calls it Freddy the bear. awwww.....

my tix to see a 'proper' Christian band lol. good experience where i missed the chance to meet joel houston and J.D =(

Si dormani (Rita) indulging herself in a huge subway sandwich

shio yen's turn to indulge in a ham sandwich.
whats with the sandwich craving amongst the girls i wonder...

arvind, miself, rita
yes i was bored so i took a pic acting cute - i think. lol

my lil dearie April a.k.a Pastor's daughter
duno why but today shes soooo hyper she keep hitting me and best of all, painted each others nails!! yes, im a GUY with glitter nails. -_-"

april's turn to snap my face. i was supposed to be scary but i find it artistic haha

and how can i not include a pic of her as i end my picture galore.

Uni has begun - officially. Thankfully my timetable is pretty good except on wednesday with classes non stop till 7.30pm. worst part is the lecturer has promised to keep us way beyond 7.30pm. i dont care by hook or by crook, imma finish all my work and come back in time to watch House! Long hours of class as expected but overall, schedule is pretty loose and plenty of time to study and do assignments and fool around - jokes.

Let's see whats coming up in the next few days or weeks
- Hillsong United Youth concert this friday night!
- Mel coming back next week tuesday
- Shio Yen burpday coming up
- Rumours of Hillsong coming on March 9 also according to tofu
- Most likely begin "apprenticeship" with Holly
- An unknown date with Melissa Goh

Lotsa exciting stuffs coming up and looking forward to it especially mel coming back. havent seen her in over 3months wonder how she doing. as for the last one...no comment nor details on that. was just something out of the blue tonight and totally unexpected.

Nothing much to write tho this post actually. Life has really kick in normally for all of us i believe. Slowly separating ourselves from working full time to part time now. Going thru orientations, meeting up with uni friends. seeing long lost lecturers again - some that u even dont like. Starting to smell the same old cafeteria food again you've been eating the past few semesters prolly. The same receptionist or lady at the information desk. Haha. Sorry for being so nostalgic tho but i guess its what some of us may be facing.

Ruth's gonna be starting uni next week tho, similar as rita and ange. Question in my mind tho is how busy she will be. Wonder if shes gonna be buried with assignments and stresses. Busier than me or the opposite i wonder. But i do hope she does well in her finals and graduate with proud and joyfully. Last semester for her. Its exciting to be graduating finally for her. Finally reaching the end of the line. But beyond that, i'm scared to be honest. Scared to think what can happen in the future. I aint gonna lie bout it. The future can be scary, intimidating at times, but always with hope in it for a better day. I know i shouldnt be worrying bout it. I'm trying not too but its not something you can just neglect it and ignore it and hope it gets better. It's not a flu. Then again i get reminded God always have surprises in store for all of us. He never fail to amuse me tho each time i wonder and step into the "ifs debate". Haha. Whatever it is, let it be. I just hope im ready to face it when it comes being good or bad. All i know is im looking forward to escape the crazy cold of melbourne come winter. its bloody freezing here mate!

P.s : Not gonna post any pics in this post atm. Gonna stop here for this post. Promise to resume soon!!

im sorry. sorry for my last post that sounded so depressing. like its the end of the world. but forgive me tho. im just in one of those "moments" as mel would often describe me having. but thats well behind me now. well, most of it. i cant say my wounds are totally gone and poof 
away like a miracle. would be good tho if thats the case. but rest assured, its healing. the next few days and weeks will tell how things really have gotten. nothing in life is easy and things get complicated from time to time. if things were smooth sailing all the time, there wouldnt be government. no wars, no crimes, no poverty and life for all 6billion people in this world wouldve been smooth. okay i realise im going deeper into politics and global issues. im blaming times mag for this. too much reading is not always good u know ;)

if theres one thing i admire and always stand in awe, its motherhood. ive always been fascinated by motherhood. how a mother can be the backbone and core of the family. how a mother can give amazing advices. how a mother can actually be the one who guides you in making life changing decisions. how mother can be your best friend on earth. well yeah, of course im talking about my own mother here. i remember blogging bout my 
own mum before but for reasons i dont remember. my biggest regret now(period) would be never had shared all my problems with her. my addictions in football betting, my vulgar speech, my slacking in studies, my depressions. i wonder what a person i couldve been if ive only talked to her back then. i may have missed the chance to do so but i still am thankful for cousins, peers and church members who've helped me through in different situations. people like my brother, erin, cheryl, doreen, james and evan for shaping who i am today. and i still thank God for sending these people into my life. sad part 
would be that i can never remember my mum's birthday. yes i know im a lousy son i admit it. hahaha. shoot me if you want to (-_-)" all in all, im thankful for my mum and i couldnt ask for a better mum than her =)






i still cant get over my new phone. simply a touch of class from LG and simply awesome!! and yes, thats my times mag behind it. im one issue behind currently pift...

okay so you're not a muslim therefore u dont need to think how ur wife looks like or how life can be if she's a muslim. here's a lil help on that if ur ever gonna marry a muslim women in the prolly distant or not so distant future =P



i mean seriously....what can you see of her besides her eyes. and the only physical thing about her you'll ever know is her waist size approx and the size/colour of her eyes. gosh i dont think i can go through that. thankfully not ALL muslim women are like that. there's still some who have the decency to 
show they're faces like this one =D



thankfully they still have a pretty good sense in fashion. haha!! so yeah, i didnt use a REAL muslim woman as an example but thats the closest i can get. sorry ruthie, had to use those pics somehow =D i really wonder. how the male find the right one in islamic countries. i gotta investigate one day. prolly should go around campus and find muslim students and interview them abit.

the mind is running round and round yet the finger refuse to move as the body wills. i find things around me hard to understand. nothing seems to be going my way. everything ive hoped for, built on, own, passionate about, supported on and dream...all crushed. just fades away in a single moment. i learn nothing last forever. except one thing that is. God's love. is it there? they say its always there. right now i cant feel it. the apathy feeling in me. i used to bring joy and laughter to people's sorrowful face yet now when i need one back, my efforts and my hopes leaves me stranded alone here. never in my life i felt this lonely before. sick, cold and down. its never a desired combination one would want.

i ask myself. where's my mum when i need a mother to talk to. where's a brother i share my tears and joy together when i need one. where's my ji mui's ive taken years to built on to hear me cry when i need one. where's a friend when i need one. i thank God i still have audrey last night for me. trying to cheer me up. i thank God too for rita for her unfailing love and care for me. but right now that isnt enough for me. i need a touch from heaven to restore me. my heart cries and my tear drops will never stop flowing. 

i know im down. i know im defeated. i know im in sorrow. but not till the point where i'll go and think of suicide or getting drunk or just change my life totally and be someone else im not. I'm still me. still a tender loving caring person to all. kind and helpful to all who needs my help. i know i am. just that now its all locked up in my heart buried deep beneath. i need someone. something. anything. just come and open my heart once again. i need Him more than ever before now. typing this in tears is very hard for me now. i need a light. anything that shows existence.

maybe i made a mistake. i jumped into my desires too quickly and got intimate with her. fine. i'll admit it. i made the mistake. i placed myself at the butchers table only to allow myself to be slaughtered when the butcher returns to the table with his big knife. right now he swunged it and it hurts more than ever. but then again, i never regretted my mistake. i know what i felt for her. something so genuine in me. something ive never felt before. as for her, i dont know now how she feels. i always thought i know back then but now i seem lost and uncertain of anything anymore. maybe im too young for her. maybe ive got nothing for her. i just wish she could
tell me. someone, anyone anything! i have a million questions now and only 2 person has the answer for me. one's not talking to me about it and one's not giving me any answers. or maybe im just too locked up i cant hear anything and nothing is going thru my head.

i get amazed at how things changed so quickly. just like the share market. it can be down 20cents by lunch and up 2dollars before it closes. maybe thats how life is too. like a roller coaster too. probably im not built enough in this area of life. that i focused too much on other stuffs i overlooked this. just something i ignored along the way. maybe all this how God is telling me i need to up my self to another level. higher than all levels before. one that draws the man in me. its just hard to find comfort and refuge in anything. like a child craves for his mother, i crave for one now. one who will listen to me, be objective about it yet comforting and nurturing me back again. i admit im weak now. but im only human and its in my DNA.

the wind tells me i need to take my medication. my tummy tells me i need food. my lips tell me i need water. my eyes tell me i need sleep. my mind tells me i need inspirations. my ear tells me i need comfort. my heart tells me i need hope and love. i dont need money i dont need big things i life. i need the basics thats all. someone once said, "all u need in life is love. everything else dont matter anymore." its time i search for God's unfailing love once more.
                                             
i still think of her each minute. be it im watching the tv, reading books, talking to someone, bathing or even sleep. everything i do i think of her. i miss her warmth. i miss her skin. i miss her smile. i miss her tender sweet soft voice. i miss how she gives me the strength to wake up each morning no matter how many hours ive slept last night. i miss how she made me smile. i miss how much i love staring into her face. but then again i guess ive to lock all this up in area 51 in my heart. never to be opened again until the moment comes again. the 2nd coming. the comeback. its hard. then again im reminded by the verse psalms 37:4 
" delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"
I'm holding on to that. thats the one thing that gives me strength now.

i've lost count how many times ive read her letter. her emails. her messages. i know i shouldnt since it will only remind me of the heartache. but then again i kept getting reminded of her. 

as for now, i dont think i can ever feel the same for another person as i did with her. maybe i can in the future. but as for now, everything is hard for me.

uni starts next week. thats good news for me. i just have to pull myself together this week. back in college ive always blogged in my low moments. since i cant express it to anyone else this is the next best thing i can get a hold on. i feel better now i admit. but for how long? i dont wanna know. i still believe God will make a way for me somehow. to pull me through this dark cloud around me. the sun is out today. very glad i went out and smelt the air and had abit of sun on my face. i guess life is more than just sulking here. i know i need to bounce back. im trying....

wow, been a long time i've stepped foot in this page. maybe 7months or so since i last stepped foot here. dont know what killed my blogging mood back then but never caught much of the craze then. just seem odd enough to find myself staring at this page and type random stuffs again if you're reading.

part 2 of melbourne was supposed to be up long ago but dont worry, the entry of that post has long gone with me anyway. its 2008 now, a new year, a new hope, a new me, and definitely, a lot more new stories.

but before that, a very blessed chinese new year to all celebrating. wishing you and your family lots of prosperity and happiness. remember to get fat! i know i do =)

there's always gonna be lots of stuffs to blog, honestly, but then right now there's only 2 things in my mind. one's a special someone i met and the 2nd is how unfair it is im going back this friday and i wont get to see her for the next 6 weeks or so. =/ so if you're curious who this girl is, here's how she looks like. she aint a super model material but shes my princess who's captured my heart anyway.



i can go on and on about her and what i like about her but thats between the 2 of us anyway ;) but here's what i can tell bout her. her name's ruth, shes older than me by 11months exactly, stays in the taman behind me back in kk, and shes a total girl next door. =) oh and just so i wanna say it here, she's got the big red cheeks when she blushes and i just so love to pinch it.  but yeah, thats all i can about her. shes just so lovely to me and i absolutely adore everything about her. haha!!!

but then again if you think we're officially together, then im sorry to disappoint you. we're not :) we're both single still but not available cuz we're for each other. time will tell not just you, but ourselves too what God has in-store for us and our future. but all i can say is i sure miss her each day and i know she feels the same about me.

well enough said for today!! too much typing hurts the brain and fingers!! haha. miss her so much now tho im going to see her in a bit. but still, i really miss her =)