A Bittersweet Symphony

2008-03-26T02:31:00.008+11:00

Lately I've been seeing guys wearing printed shirt that says things like "Screw you" and "Piss Off". Well, I think if there's a printed shirt i wanna wear it should have this written on it.

Can't blame me. I'm sweet and Kelicious. Woo, word of the day haha!. But then sometimes, all we need is...

A hug!!!

Think sometimes what we all need is some love. Actually, from time to time. World is lacking love now. War everywhere. Racism in 3rd world countries. Poverty amongst kids. Power hunger amongst the veto countries. Even the simplest things like offering a seat in the train for someone who needs it more is a symbol of love and kindness. Sadly only a minority exist now with that in them. A nice warm hug. A 'lil love and respect from the mates. Some kisses and hugs from the folks or kids. Just something to show a lil appreciation of your existence in another person's life. After all, a hug is free and won't harm a person in anyway no matter who you hug, well in most cases that is HAHA!! Come to think of it, lately I've been approached by random people asking for a dollar or two to buy food. Hey I would give but seeing them physically well, well clothed and able to hold a ciggie at the tip of their fingertips, why would I bother giving them? I reckon the guy i meet outside Nando's occasionally deserves it more than me. Or least, the performers along Swanston and Bourke Street. Least they have some form of talent and putting it to good use. So please please please pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. . . go hug someone today and appreciate them for who they are no matter if its a friend or a loved one or anyone.

Everybody needs love =)

you...

Question, when was the last time you said "I Love You" to someone else? I know that line has been said too casually and used too often the meaning deteriorate. Those words is just used too much everywhere that it doesn't mean anything anymore. Agree? Everyone has a different views on that 3 simple words. Mine's simple, saying that means the receiver is someone I'm looking forward to spend my days growing old and raising kids together while loving each other everyday and even more as days go by. Whats yours? Ponder about it as you go by. Being single till now has given an in depth perspective in the issue of relationships. I admit I have someone in mind now. Probably the whole networking knows about it by now considering how people in U.K knows too without us telling. Day after day i wonder if she feels it too. And if she still feels the same, stronger or weaker. Who knows? =) She's amazing, attractive gorgeous and wonderful of course. Anyway...

We all go through it in various situations. Dramatic or not it doesn't matter. What matters is the outcome of the learning process. There is bound to be good times and there is bound to be bad times. No one asked for bad times and we tend to ignore it and push it at the back of our mind if there's one. A friend of mine told me that the Bible tells about solving your issues before the sun goes down or in the modern day version, before you go to bed and wake up the next morning FRESH instead of waking up to a frustrated mind carrying the worries of yesterday. As for me that is so true but funny that the easiest things is the hardest to learn. Something i can relate with the word trust. To say you trust someone is easy but to do it is like whoa..... Not gonna go too much into that tho. Back to where i stopped, as for me I chose to be single all this while. I've prolly got a fair list of girls i've liked so far in those single years after jamie but nonetheless it was not God's will I got attached even tho came uber close in 3 attempts. I still love the single life, freedom with no strings attached to anyone altho there are times I wish I have someone I can give out my affections and the excess love. I bet you know what I mean :D . Still in the molding process now, character building some would call it. Still learning new things everyday...

2008-03-25T00:19:00.009+11:00

Of Easter Bunnies (wannabe that is) and tales over the lunch table . . .

This year's winner for bunny wannabe goes to....

every man and woman for themselves over the dumpling!

One happy family in the end with the kids all well fed.

Yarra river in the dark under the rain.
It was so peaceful and quiet.
So much tranquility in the whole place.
And the behind of where i took this shot is...

The N.G.V. Short for National Gallery of Victoria.

2008-03-21T03:34:00.003+11:00

Staring at my clock, it's already 3.34am and the clock still ticks. I realize how fast time goes by when I'm least aware of it. Worst part is, it flies so fast that I'm not making the most of it. It's a shame but most of the time we all do that. There's a whole bunch of statistics to prove that but unfortunately I'm too lazy to Google that out for you now but I can only tell you we spend a significant amount of time each year wasting it doing nothing productive in any way. Nah, I'll spare you and I the long lecture on maximizing the usage of the time give to us each day. I'll be the last person you probably wanna ask on proper time management. Life drifts past us whether we like it or not and only difference is if you wanna let it stroll past you or catch it and run with it.

I wanna run but I'm tired, very tired of running with the flow. Tired of following what others tell me. Tired of the boundaries I'm forced to live in. Tired of the circumstances and consequences that goes against me if I refuse to follow. Tired of the eyes that watches my every move and mocks and laughs at my frailty. Tired of how unreliable friends can be when you need one. Tired of everything. Like a marathon you participate just that you're in the category that has no time limit and the distance is forever. Stop and stare would be my favorite song now and has been the past few weeks. Here's the chorus of it.

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Ohhh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

Notice the words in bold. With all thats tying me up I really feel I'm not going anywhere and all these have made me someone I'm never. Don't get me wrong. I am still a cheerful person, care-free, caring, understanding and loving. The parts of me that has changed through the years and maybe recently, has made me a much quieter person. Believe me when I say that. Someone whom I share my personal problems with, recently scolded me on my attitude lately - well that was a couple of weeks ago and I'm working on it seriously. I've become more reserved, quiet, sometimes too still, but definitely not as enthusiastic, loving and friendly I was last year. That's when I know unconsciously I've built walls around me. Around my jovial spirit. I realize with all that is around me, I've truly become someone I'm not. I just wished things would've been fairer to me. Everything would be as simple and straight forward it can be. Complexity is never my war zone. It leaves the common question amongst us, "Why can't things be any easier?"

One thing's for sure, all these years my emotions dictated my game play. Not just that but a fear in me, that my jovial and care-free spirit would give everyone an impression of immaturity on me. It wouldn't bother me much back then, but hey, that was when I was in my teens. I'm 21 this year and I need to start being more mature. If you think it's still early cause I'm ONLY 21, then shame on you. I don't have the luxury of staying a "kid" or "teen" forever. So yeah, maybe I can narrow it down between expectations I've to meet and the circumstances around me If I ever fail to achieve it. It drives me crazy and it sure as heck drive me nuts. And yes, that's one of the reasons why I'm "emo" from time to time or most of the time. Geez, did I ask for it? Last checked nope.

Like a pigeon who's wings is tied up preventing it from flying even after recovering, the pigeon wants to fly badly. I wanna be myself, doing the things I enjoy or WANT TO DO with no chains. Not with circumstances or rules or boundaries tying me up. Chem/Biology 101, human emotions that are stored up in the person not expressed is turned into a toxin that harms the body in a long run. See how people with mental issues die too early? Suffering from things like depression, Schizophrenic, sleeping disorder and stress end up in health issues like loss of proper mental state, high blood pressure and worst of all, OD and died on your own bed.

P.S: Funny how an engineering student knows things like this. Scary what we can learn in our free time haha!!

I may sound all emotional now typing this. At the start yes I admit I was. But I took the liberty of calming down and going through my words one by one making sure I don't my emotions get the better of me in this post. As conscious, awake and human as i can be, I'm typing this. I know some of us are like that. We all live in expectations and boundaries set by our parents, our boss, our friends, our mentors, our lecturer and even our loved ones. It's harsh and it REALLY HURTS but thats how life can be some times. . Realizing is always the first step towards solution. Admitting is the second step. Getting help is the third and final step. Where do you stand today? "so won't you break free, break free get up and dance?" familiar?

Stand up and be counted!!!

2008-03-17T23:49:00.012+11:00

Ever since i saw this picture i cant stop reflecting back the 2years or so of justin's relationship with jovy. One of the things that keeps playing in my mind over and over. Weird to start with considering it wasn't me that went through it and i should be minding my own business. Still, he's my brother and she's the one who built bridges between us both. Yes, as a sibling i sucked for the past 18years or more considering how both of us fight over the pettiest things back then and showing who has the bigger ego in the house - well i end up losing most of it considering i'm younger in age and experience but anyway, i owe it all to her for what me and my bro has today an I'm very much grateful about it. I may not have seen all the photos they took together but i've seen my fair share so far and i think this one explains both of them the most. My brother would be the one making all the lame jokes, the wannabe man but still not quite there yet, the over the edge desire to be cute in 90% of what he does - practically the clown. Jovy would be the nice one, the kind and caring, the compassionate, the lazy bum, the protected one - the serious one. Yeah they both were very in love and into each other. Sadly they both broke up in the end cut it short but still she's one jewel that in my opinion, my bro threw into the ocean. I promise this would be the last time i'll grunt or talk about this unless inclined to due to circumstances. They both have moved on.

Here's some random photo's of the past few days tho =) . To compensate me being lazy and not type my long winded essays today that is hehe. Cheers!

After the fun at the beach. A total SS photo of myself i know =D

Baby Jessie 5 weeks old? or 6? or 7? =S

Talia and her pacifier moments...

Shio Yen and Mel on a candid shot. My heart cried when mel lead worship after such a long time. It was beautiful mel =) you did more than GREAT!

Speculating if Rita was checking her facebook while taking a break in service. (o.O)"

Can see the sign right in the middle?
Thats what we all need nowadays...

Thats right!

The 2 wu liaos - Choi Mei and Seow Hui

2008-03-13T03:06:00.004+11:00

It feels like its been a really long time since i posted my last post but then again it was only 3 days ago or so i think. But then the past 3 days sure felt like forever or really long at least. Then again amazing how much things can happen in just 72hours. Some of the things which is the most important i need not write it here as altho this blog is for my personal use and there are some readers that i'm aware of, some things are better kept between those involved. I think if you're reading this you know who you are *wink*.

Things are going well so far. Like a roller coaster, it went down and now its back up again. Lets just hope it stays up long enough for the time being ey? Back to going Uni again after the long weekend where seriously, was like the longest 5days i've ever experienced in my entire life lol. So much happened that summing it up in one paragraph wouldn't be fair to the points i might have missed out or the people involved in it. But then i wanna take this opportunity to thank the people who were there for me being advice, caring or just bringing love back.

Jo, Doug, Kim, Shio Yen, Rita, Mel, Ange, Chrys, Dino, Nikki, Choi Mei, my very cute 23yr old brother, mum, Ben and baby Talia.

If i've missed out a name i'm so sorry i dont remember but thank you all so so much for being there for me. Of course you can never complete a thank you list without the big fella up there - namely, God. For His love, peace and provision in those moments when i need one most.

Now some of you might be wondering, whats baby Talia got to do with it or even, who is baby Talia?!?!?! Here's your answer...

Talia is simone's 1yr old daughter. Well this photo was taken last year and she's got a cap on her head so you can't really tell how she looks like now but i promise lotsa pics of her come this sunday. So what's the connection you ask? Well fairly simple actually. In those "not so pleasant" moments i was in, and when i got a smack in the head to wake up, i was reminded greatly of talia. I feel like a baby, learning to walk for the first time. I remember i saw Talia walking for the first time on that sunday morning and suprisingly, she walked to me! Now i have to admit that altho i am very good with kids, babies wasnt my specialty so for this to happen to me was a big thing. I remember how Talia walked towards me and after one or two steps she fell, but she didn't cry. She SMILED! She stood up and walk again inching closer towards me. Well she eventually got distracted by the tons of female around me and end up walking to one of them as she was SOOO close to me lol. But anyway, that scene came back to me after a good long talk with doug and i never felt better. I remember smiling actually. It was like as if God was giving me this illustration telling me no matter what, you gotta stand up and keep on walking straight. I fall from time to time, we all do. But i'm thankful to have people around me to lift me up again. Sometimes people you least expect is coming on to you and helping you push through it. I can only say that i've been left speechless and in awe too many times but yeah...this "baby" is definitely walking again.

P.S: I'm very proud of myself for holding Talia for the 1st time last week taking care of her while everyone else, yes all the female included, was busy doing this and that and i get to babysit all the kids including Talia lol. Better yet, they keep saying i'm uber good with kids. *Yes my nose expand few inches and my cheeks kembang a lot now* hahahahaha.

Nikki Kah i will forever hate you for this photo lol. For asking me to act cute like my brother whom i totally despise of due to his cuteness (-_-)". But then seriously la, i don't look like my brother, dont talk like him, don't walk like him, don't laugh like him and definitely, don't have the same type of humor as him!!! argh i give up trying to convince you people I'm not like him. Yes she's my brother's 1st ex whom I'm hanging out with in Melbourne oddly. But then she's 2years older than me, is super random, and a complete party girl so yeah, NO CHANCE I'll fall for her if any of you are wondering. Must highlight that just in case y'all cannot read v(^_^)v

Here's a bonus for today's post tho. An old song courtesy of Ruthie who's apparently been listening to it the whole night and got me hook on it too now. Ish you this =P But yeah, love this song and the words especially =) Enjoy!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mA8193wrmro

What else can i say, won't be posting any till Sunday soonest cause I'll be at Choi Mei's place this weekend to do some girly stuffs and build the Taj Mahal at the frankston beach. Lol no I'm seriously not doing those mind you but i'll be at her place. Just need to feel some sand and the beach before it gets too cold to do that come winter.

___________________________________________________________________

And since this is my blog and i cant be expressing these words to you directly altho i know you'll be reading it anyway, just ought to let you know that i'm sorry for the whole thing, that i caused those swollen eyes in that sarong pic and to make you feel really down bout it. But i think about you all the time even when i'm busy drawing and rushing to finish my sketches. Manquer vous toujours...

2008-03-10T01:01:00.002+11:00

Dearest Ruth,

I cannot stand staying appear offline and not nudge you. A single Hi even or a smiley. So close yet so far. I cant stand staying in my place now for everything i see and everywhere i turn i see something that connects remind you. I look at my laptop i see your face on my wallpaper. I look down the table i see the hall's sweet wrapper u gave me before i went back, the last sweet in your bag that time. Bet you don't remember but i do. I go to bed in my room i see the card you made me. Your face still smiling in your lil pretty white dress. Gosh you look so beautiful in it. For once i saw something so perfect. I look into my cupboard and each top has a memory. My blue adidas you love to see me in. My pink levis we wore in sutera the night before i flew. The green esprit i wore in the airport before i flew. Every single bit of memory still fresh in my head. Every single bit that ever happened...

I type this cuz i know ur gonna read it. I know its hard on you. Tears still outpouring in your heart and eyes. I never asked for this to happen between us. Give me one wish and i will only wish i could freeze the moment and wipe them all away and keep it paused. That way you would never have to cry again and be still in that moment where nothing matters at all. But i guess reality is never a friend of mine. Least i can only wish i can freeze my moment so i wont have to drop another tear down my eyes. I can only tell you i'm still crying now as i type this. No matter how much i try to distract myself now with loads of things to do but only you appear on my mind.

I regret every single minute since 7. 09 pm. The time we hung up one last time. I regret the fact i'll never hear your voice again. Never see ur sms again. Never see ur face again - again till ur ready that is. When time permits. I hate myself for even bringing that option in the very beginning. I lied. I tell myself i have peace for pulling the trigger. I dont and I hate myself for lying bout that. I cant sleep i cant eat i cant move. I laugh so loud with everyone but i never felt so empty before. I only wonder how long will this go on for me. Recover? Maybe i will one day but till that day comes....i'll stay in misery. Not cuz i want to but i just dont have the strength to move out from that seat now. Not without your hand.

Never did so many people cared for me 1 by 1 considering how few i told. Everyone's trying to bring me on my own 2 feet again but it just feels so hard right now. Ironic how i find the 2 likeliest person that im not close to even is helping me. Chrystella and Dino. Thank you both so much for being my senior and helping me to plan to pump out my endorphines.

So much more i wanna type now but i just cant go on. Not while tears still flow from my eyes now. I just want u back now....cant i be selfish for once in my life? selfish publicly. Is there anyway i can undo what has happened? I just wanna call u so much now but i know i cant. But now i know you wont pick it up. Not replying my sms or anything. I wont blame u. I cant anyway. I just dont know how anymore....I'm still waiting on a june that will never come i feel. goodbye

2008-03-09T00:59:00.000+11:00

Jordin Sparks ft. Chris Brown - No Air

(Pre-Chorus)
But How
Do you expect me
To live alone with just me
Cause my world revolves around you
its so hard for me to breathe

(Chorus)
Tell Me How im supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live can't breathe with no air
thats how i feel whenever you ain't there
Its No Air No Air
Got me out here and the water so deep
Tell me how you gon be without me
if you ain't here i just can't breathe
Its No Air No Air

Jordin Sparks - Tattoo

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

I'll always have you, I'll always have you

Hillsong United - Still

Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
within your mighty hand

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God

Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know his power
In quietness and trust

All American Rejects - Move Along

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone sins
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

Four songs to sum up all I am now. Never been this empty before ever. I felt like i've just lost her off my life completely. But i had to. I had to do it for the better of her so she can move on and not let me be a stumbling block. What i feel isnt included in the equation. All that matters is her. Doesn't matter how much joy i can bring into her life now. It wont matter. Nothing will ever matter now. Its not the time. When? I dont know when. I wish i do. All i know is when she's ready, I'll be here waiting. I miss her.....so much more than ever before yet i cant do anything. I've to be strong myself too i know. I only hope she wont read this post. I cant bear another tear down her beautiful eyes. Shes more beautiful than a portrait. One that cannot be tainted by my dirty hands.

2008-03-07T23:38:00.002+11:00

I finally realize why i love to shower long. Not that I love to waste water and don't care about it since I don't have to pay water bills but I find showering the most peaceful time. The feeling of water flowing down on your face and the serenity that accompanies it. It's like it's just you're the only one alive that confined space where nothing else matters to you. A time to think and reflect back of everything. A time to plan. A time for peace. A time to talk to God. A time to say a quiet prayer. Or probably for some, a time to practice those off tunes songs that you love to sing. But for whatever reason we carry, it's "your" moment.

As for me I've always use my shower times to reflect on things that runs through my mind of late. If I'm not thinking I would be planning ahead then. Today's been a really odd day for me actually. Things are just happening around me and I felt spaced out from reality, something like third person view if you know what i mean. It's been an eventful day I would say but from a different perspective. From going zoning out my mind and pushing through the assignment this afternoon to pacing myself to the train station slowly where oddly, I was the 1st to reach. Talking to someone randomly in the train and heading over to Pastor's place for dinner with the whole troop.

Anyway I'll just get straight to the juicy bit. I realize how hypocrite us humans can be. And what a good liar we are at times. Christians don't fall short of this category mind you. I'm gonna bet no matter how "good" as a Christian we are, we fall short at times on the simplest of things. I like to think the simplest yet most common example is when someone asks "How are you?" and we go on answering "Yeah I'm good thanks". Stop. Think about what your answer was. Was it really good? I'm not saying no one has a good week ever but I'm sure that each week or maybe each day we face a difficulty. Challenges come and go in our lives no doubt but it's how we deal with it.

Anyway back on track, it's ironic how when someone asks that question we automatically respond saying it's been good. Try asking again or look into their eyes a little deeper and give them that genuine caring face and you'll get a different answer in 15seconds. If only we all open up a little bit more.Friends are always here for each other when one is down or facing a problem. Friends don't laugh at one another and friends are ALWAYS there for you no matter what.

We're sometimes like a wound if we put life into perspective. You treat it by giving it antiseptic after some washing. Then you tape or bandaged it if required and then you let it open to heal itself in the later stages. The washing represents us letting out our problems. What has been worrying us the before. We bare it all out or even cry it out if we have to. It never fail to make you feel better. The antiseptic represents friends or people we trust in our lives to speak into us and help us grow or heal. Its sole purpose is to do you good and nothing else. The taping is the time we get comforted and be in a safe zone. Just loved and cared for every moment never leaving you feel alone. Finally, when we open up our bandage, thats when we know we are strong enough to stand on our own two feet and face the world again.

I urge you, open up and don't let your problems bring you down. Sort it out before it sorts you out of your sane mind. Never think that problem is there to make your life worst. God places it there for a purpose and that reason is for you to wake up and find out. He never leaves our side for a single second. Always there just waiting for us to call out unto Him. If He never bothered, why would He create us in the very beginning? Just to let us suffer and be in misery? God is never mean to us in that way. He loved us so much He sent His only Son to die on the Cross for us. He opened up His heart for us through Christ Jesus.

I'm not perfect. The only reason I'm typing this is solely because I face the same problem. All of us do and I wanna share it with you.The difference is that i respond to it and try not to let the situation get the best of me. I thank God for caring loving people around me where I find comfort and just be myself. Yes in the beginning i tend to put on a mask and be as normal as I can be. Who doesn't? Just that i realize my mistake and I change my ways. I thank God He places a word in my heart. That He rebukes my negative thinking and gives me something to ponder on. I can only pray we learn from our mistakes and try our best not to repeat it again. If we somehow did, at least you and I know how to respond to it. Please...open up your heart. Bring down those walls around you. You're never alone in this world =)

2 Corinthians 4: 8 - 10

"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed - always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body."

I was going through my Bible looking for a verse but I had no clue where to start to be honest. All I did was just flip through the glossary and I find myself stumbled upon this beautiful verse. It's just amazing how God can lead your fingers to find something so relevant and straight into it. The verse says it all =)

2008-03-06T00:00:00.004+11:00

Remember i said i dislike Wednesdays for this semester? Well I'm gonna have to take back my words and exclude this Wed out for special reasons. Haha. Don't blame me tho, today is one day where things went smoothly for me. Not to say super duper juber uber smoothly but smooth enough a baby's bum lost. Okay maybe that example was a bit too much

*ugh i can feel my arm's muscles soaring while i type this. Too much sit ups can be a bad thing sometimes*

Well i do have to admit i was on the brink of skipping the morning class due to laziness and severe procrastination but thank God i kicked my head and walked to Uni - not without being 10mins late that is!! typical kel for ya'll on his lazy days haha!! it's a bad habit i know which im not proud of and trying 25% harder to curb this semester. or was it 33%? bah who cares lol...

*note to self: having supper the night before helps curb the hunger in the morning and enables me to skip brekkie at times*

Time to kick into the juicy bits tho before i bore you and myself describing every single minute of my very uninteresting day in uni - trust me, i would bore myself to death so badly i might just pass out in front of my lappy.

Part 1: The one where the guy sends first

So yeah, i find myself in a awkward position yet again - buying flowers that is. Do you know how hard it is to buy flowers? there's like a gazillion trillion types of flowers with all kinds of colours and names and meaning behind it. Now i know why guys was never wired to do flowering business in the beginning, well most guys that is. I'm not being a sexist here geez...

Long story cut short, after lotsa googling, browsing, colour picking, decoration selection and weighing in all the added stuffs, finally came out with one after an hour or so of hard thinking. I cannot imagine if a guy's tux for his prom night or wedding is that hard lol. Thank God for simple guy preferences :D. once again im not being sexist and discriminating the female population. Dont know what got into my head again haha. So yeah, here's the end result of my secret mission!

Leaving behind one very happy "customer" that is =P

Part 2: The one where the guy got a taste of his own medicine

I was never the type of student who pays attention in class back in secondary school but one of the things i remember is "buat baik dibalas baik, buat jahat dibalas jahat" from moral class. Odd right? And again, i dont remember ever being left speechless totally before except last year's birthday lunch which was a real shock to me lol but anyway, got a lil package from ruthie today and well, was playing down my chances thinking that yeah, thats a card she bought thanking me for the book and card and some add-ons prolly. Then again, i was the one left jaw dropping when i saw the "card" inside. Handmade and special is 2 words best describe that card.

Its a handmade card with our picture in front of it and a really lovely message inside

Guess im the one who got left hanging in my steps at the end of the day eh?

Score update: Ruth 2 : 1 Kel

Part 3: For her eyes only =/

I dont know what to say ruth but since having you in my life you've fulfilled some of the things i've always wanted to experience thru the years. The ice cream, a warm hug at night, a card/potrait of us handmade and so much more. It's life coming back to me when i least expected. You've never fail to make me laugh although im the one making you laugh but you made me laugh with your laughs and giggles too. 4 months will pass quickly i promise. It's already march now and when easter is all over, its already april and bout time to start worrying due date assignments. We'll both be buried i suppose but i should be the one lazing more haha but i'll always be there for you.

2008-02-28T00:28:00.002+11:00

It's ironic how life is well balanced whether u like it or not. It's like how some things u want it to run this way but it ends up another way and when you want that not to happen that way, it always always end up in that way. It tickles the funny bone when you stop and look at the whole picture but sadly the general population is unable to do that. Frust and throw a fist all u want now and when you're done, you'll forget about it and move on with life. Just shows how shallow us humans can be.

Weather is changing drastically once again and winter is expected to hit melburnians sooner than later so instead of July, it'll most likely be around June - beginning of june probably. Autumn has already unofficially kick in now. Strong cold winds, showers in the morning and night, sun well hidden behind the dark clouds. It IS a beautiful sight to watch actually. Always have been a joy of mine to watch the skies. Brings back memories when I first watched the rain in aunt's bedroom as a kid. It was beautiful although i may not have understood much at that tender age of four or five. Still do it when i was in KL and KK in my own room but not anymore here. All i see is my four walls and if i look beyond my window, all i see is next door where its most likely the guy is playing his game console or watching tv or drinking topless or with a shirt - yeah a LOL for that. I miss staring at the rain i really do.

I hate wednesdays and i'll continue hating it till the end of semester. Okay hate may be too strong a word to use here but i definitely dislike it (sounds much better now lol). CAD classes haven't even begun yet and classes are almost 3hrs on the run. Will only get worst when CAD begins. 4? 5? 6? Oh boy i dont wanna know, really. And to add salt to the wound, when thursday's subject is finally kicking in, it'll be early morning in essendon. Rita suggest i might as well go all the way to the airport and fly away for the weekend if im too lazy to go down at essendon campus. Haha. Sounds tempting really. See how la.

Happy tho that mel is finally back. Shorter hair, but still packs a punch in her words and still exist the love-hate relation between us. Another semester of 'who can throw the better sarcasm" is gonna start soon! Of course, the odds are stacked heavily against me like 150 - 1 atm? -_-". Still find it difficult if thats the word, to adjust to a surrounding filled with girls. There's rita, mel, ange, shio yen, reika, and 1 new girl (ops i forgot ur name =/ ). Need more guys, need more patience to withstand their onslaught and most of all, need more muscles to carry grocery bags hhahahahahahah. *continues praying for fabian to settle down in compass!!!*

Well i guess thats enough rambling for one post. Too much makes the post "unpostable". Thank God for long hours of sleep tonight!

P.s : I know you're gonna read this. Gonna say this one last time, je suis désolé =)

2008-02-25T02:19:00.011+11:00

I promised pictures in my previous post so here they are!! As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. I felt generous so its a thousand words plus some captions. Haha.

My favorite Bible of all, the IBible
then again sarah recommended IWord since it's one syllable. hmm....

the snack table prior to our very first lifegroup in Rita's place.
notice the lesser chips in the left bowl. wonder where did those chips end up =P

seriously the most exp toy gift for someone else @ $59.99 for lil april for her belated birthday. she calls it Freddy the bear. awwww.....

my tix to see a 'proper' Christian band lol. good experience where i missed the chance to meet joel houston and J.D =(

Si dormani (Rita) indulging herself in a huge subway sandwich

shio yen's turn to indulge in a ham sandwich.
whats with the sandwich craving amongst the girls i wonder...

arvind, miself, rita
yes i was bored so i took a pic acting cute - i think. lol

my lil dearie April a.k.a Pastor's daughter
duno why but today shes soooo hyper she keep hitting me and best of all, painted each others nails!! yes, im a GUY with glitter nails. -_-"

april's turn to snap my face. i was supposed to be scary but i find it artistic haha

and how can i not include a pic of her as i end my picture galore.

2008-02-21T02:17:00.002+11:00

Uni has begun - officially. Thankfully my timetable is pretty good except on wednesday with classes non stop till 7.30pm. worst part is the lecturer has promised to keep us way beyond 7.30pm. i dont care by hook or by crook, imma finish all my work and come back in time to watch House! Long hours of class as expected but overall, schedule is pretty loose and plenty of time to study and do assignments and fool around - jokes.

Let's see whats coming up in the next few days or weeks
- Hillsong United Youth concert this friday night!
- Mel coming back next week tuesday
- Shio Yen burpday coming up
- Rumours of Hillsong coming on March 9 also according to tofu
- Most likely begin "apprenticeship" with Holly
- An unknown date with Melissa Goh

Lotsa exciting stuffs coming up and looking forward to it especially mel coming back. havent seen her in over 3months wonder how she doing. as for the last one...no comment nor details on that. was just something out of the blue tonight and totally unexpected.

Nothing much to write tho this post actually. Life has really kick in normally for all of us i believe. Slowly separating ourselves from working full time to part time now. Going thru orientations, meeting up with uni friends. seeing long lost lecturers again - some that u even dont like. Starting to smell the same old cafeteria food again you've been eating the past few semesters prolly. The same receptionist or lady at the information desk. Haha. Sorry for being so nostalgic tho but i guess its what some of us may be facing.

Ruth's gonna be starting uni next week tho, similar as rita and ange. Question in my mind tho is how busy she will be. Wonder if shes gonna be buried with assignments and stresses. Busier than me or the opposite i wonder. But i do hope she does well in her finals and graduate with proud and joyfully. Last semester for her. Its exciting to be graduating finally for her. Finally reaching the end of the line. But beyond that, i'm scared to be honest. Scared to think what can happen in the future. I aint gonna lie bout it. The future can be scary, intimidating at times, but always with hope in it for a better day. I know i shouldnt be worrying bout it. I'm trying not too but its not something you can just neglect it and ignore it and hope it gets better. It's not a flu. Then again i get reminded God always have surprises in store for all of us. He never fail to amuse me tho each time i wonder and step into the "ifs debate". Haha. Whatever it is, let it be. I just hope im ready to face it when it comes being good or bad. All i know is im looking forward to escape the crazy cold of melbourne come winter. its bloody freezing here mate!

P.s : Not gonna post any pics in this post atm. Gonna stop here for this post. Promise to resume soon!!

2008-02-13T00:57:00.000+11:00

im sorry. sorry for my last post that sounded so depressing. like its the end of the world. but forgive me tho. im just in one of those "moments" as mel would often describe me having. but thats well behind me now. well, most of it. i cant say my wounds are totally gone and poof
away like a miracle. would be good tho if thats the case. but rest assured, its healing. the next few days and weeks will tell how things really have gotten. nothing in life is easy and things get complicated from time to time. if things were smooth sailing all the time, there wouldnt be government. no wars, no crimes, no poverty and life for all 6billion people in this world wouldve been smooth. okay i realise im going deeper into politics and global issues. im blaming times mag for this. too much reading is not always good u know ;)

if theres one thing i admire and always stand in awe, its motherhood. ive always been fascinated by motherhood. how a mother can be the backbone and core of the family. how a mother can give amazing advices. how a mother can actually be the one who guides you in making life changing decisions. how mother can be your best friend on earth. well yeah, of course im talking about my own mother here. i remember blogging bout my
own mum before but for reasons i dont remember. my biggest regret now(period) would be never had shared all my problems with her. my addictions in football betting, my vulgar speech, my slacking in studies, my depressions. i wonder what a person i couldve been if ive only talked to her back then. i may have missed the chance to do so but i still am thankful for cousins, peers and church members who've helped me through in different situations. people like my brother, erin, cheryl, doreen, james and evan for shaping who i am today. and i still thank God for sending these people into my life. sad part
would be that i can never remember my mum's birthday. yes i know im a lousy son i admit it. hahaha. shoot me if you want to (-_-)" all in all, im thankful for my mum and i couldnt ask for a better mum than her =)

i still cant get over my new phone. simply a touch of class from LG and simply awesome!! and yes, thats my times mag behind it. im one issue behind currently pift...

okay so you're not a muslim therefore u dont need to think how ur wife looks like or how life can be if she's a muslim. here's a lil help on that if ur ever gonna marry a muslim women in the prolly distant or not so distant future =P

i mean seriously....what can you see of her besides her eyes. and the only physical thing about her you'll ever know is her waist size approx and the size/colour of her eyes. gosh i dont think i can go through that. thankfully not ALL muslim women are like that. there's still some who have the decency to
show they're faces like this one =D

thankfully they still have a pretty good sense in fashion. haha!! so yeah, i didnt use a REAL muslim woman as an example but thats the closest i can get. sorry ruthie, had to use those pics somehow =D i really wonder. how the male find the right one in islamic countries. i gotta investigate one day. prolly should go around campus and find muslim students and interview them abit.

2008-02-11T16:03:00.000+11:00

the mind is running round and round yet the finger refuse to move as the body wills. i find things around me hard to understand. nothing seems to be going my way. everything ive hoped for, built on, own, passionate about, supported on and dream...all crushed. just fades away in a single moment. i learn nothing last forever. except one thing that is. God's love. is it there? they say its always there. right now i cant feel it. the apathy feeling in me. i used to bring joy and laughter to people's sorrowful face yet now when i need one back, my efforts and my hopes leaves me stranded alone here. never in my life i felt this lonely before. sick, cold and down. its never a desired combination one would want.

i ask myself. where's my mum when i need a mother to talk to. where's a brother i share my tears and joy together when i need one. where's my ji mui's ive taken years to built on to hear me cry when i need one. where's a friend when i need one. i thank God i still have audrey last night for me. trying to cheer me up. i thank God too for rita for her unfailing love and care for me. but right now that isnt enough for me. i need a touch from heaven to restore me. my heart cries and my tear drops will never stop flowing.

i know im down. i know im defeated. i know im in sorrow. but not till the point where i'll go and think of suicide or getting drunk or just change my life totally and be someone else im not. I'm still me. still a tender loving caring person to all. kind and helpful to all who needs my help. i know i am. just that now its all locked up in my heart buried deep beneath. i need someone. something. anything. just come and open my heart once again. i need Him more than ever before now. typing this in tears is very hard for me now. i need a light. anything that shows existence.

maybe i made a mistake. i jumped into my desires too quickly and got intimate with her. fine. i'll admit it. i made the mistake. i placed myself at the butchers table only to allow myself to be slaughtered when the butcher returns to the table with his big knife. right now he swunged it and it hurts more than ever. but then again, i never regretted my mistake. i know what i felt for her. something so genuine in me. something ive never felt before. as for her, i dont know now how she feels. i always thought i know back then but now i seem lost and uncertain of anything anymore. maybe im too young for her. maybe ive got nothing for her. i just wish she could
tell me. someone, anyone anything! i have a million questions now and only 2 person has the answer for me. one's not talking to me about it and one's not giving me any answers. or maybe im just too locked up i cant hear anything and nothing is going thru my head.

i get amazed at how things changed so quickly. just like the share market. it can be down 20cents by lunch and up 2dollars before it closes. maybe thats how life is too. like a roller coaster too. probably im not built enough in this area of life. that i focused too much on other stuffs i overlooked this. just something i ignored along the way. maybe all this how God is telling me i need to up my self to another level. higher than all levels before. one that draws the man in me. its just hard to find comfort and refuge in anything. like a child craves for his mother, i crave for one now. one who will listen to me, be objective about it yet comforting and nurturing me back again. i admit im weak now. but im only human and its in my DNA.

the wind tells me i need to take my medication. my tummy tells me i need food. my lips tell me i need water. my eyes tell me i need sleep. my mind tells me i need inspirations. my ear tells me i need comfort. my heart tells me i need hope and love. i dont need money i dont need big things i life. i need the basics thats all. someone once said, "all u need in life is love. everything else dont matter anymore." its time i search for God's unfailing love once more.

i still think of her each minute. be it im watching the tv, reading books, talking to someone, bathing or even sleep. everything i do i think of her. i miss her warmth. i miss her skin. i miss her smile. i miss her tender sweet soft voice. i miss how she gives me the strength to wake up each morning no matter how many hours ive slept last night. i miss how she made me smile. i miss how much i love staring into her face. but then again i guess ive to lock all this up in area 51 in my heart. never to be opened again until the moment comes again. the 2nd coming. the comeback. its hard. then again im reminded by the verse psalms 37:4
" delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart"
I'm holding on to that. thats the one thing that gives me strength now.

i've lost count how many times ive read her letter. her emails. her messages. i know i shouldnt since it will only remind me of the heartache. but then again i kept getting reminded of her.

as for now, i dont think i can ever feel the same for another person as i did with her. maybe i can in the future. but as for now, everything is hard for me.

uni starts next week. thats good news for me. i just have to pull myself together this week. back in college ive always blogged in my low moments. since i cant express it to anyone else this is the next best thing i can get a hold on. i feel better now i admit. but for how long? i dont wanna know. i still believe God will make a way for me somehow. to pull me through this dark cloud around me. the sun is out today. very glad i went out and smelt the air and had abit of sun on my face. i guess life is more than just sulking here. i know i need to bounce back. im trying....

2008-02-07T00:08:00.000+11:00

wow, been a long time i've stepped foot in this page. maybe 7months or so since i last stepped foot here. dont know what killed my blogging mood back then but never caught much of the craze then. just seem odd enough to find myself staring at this page and type random stuffs again if you're reading.

part 2 of melbourne was supposed to be up long ago but dont worry, the entry of that post has long gone with me anyway. its 2008 now, a new year, a new hope, a new me, and definitely, a lot more new stories.

but before that, a very blessed chinese new year to all celebrating. wishing you and your family lots of prosperity and happiness. remember to get fat! i know i do =)

there's always gonna be lots of stuffs to blog, honestly, but then right now there's only 2 things in my mind. one's a special someone i met and the 2nd is how unfair it is im going back this friday and i wont get to see her for the next 6 weeks or so. =/ so if you're curious who this girl is, here's how she looks like. she aint a super model material but shes my princess who's captured my heart anyway.

i can go on and on about her and what i like about her but thats between the 2 of us anyway ;) but here's what i can tell bout her. her name's ruth, shes older than me by 11months exactly, stays in the taman behind me back in kk, and shes a total girl next door. =) oh and just so i wanna say it here, she's got the big red cheeks when she blushes and i just so love to pinch it. but yeah, thats all i can about her. shes just so lovely to me and i absolutely adore everything about her. haha!!!

but then again if you think we're officially together, then im sorry to disappoint you. we're not :) we're both single still but not available cuz we're for each other. time will tell not just you, but ourselves too what God has in-store for us and our future. but all i can say is i sure miss her each day and i know she feels the same about me.

well enough said for today!! too much typing hurts the brain and fingers!! haha. miss her so much now tho im going to see her in a bit. but still, i really miss her =)

Part 1 : Life in Melbourne

2007-07-23T00:07:00.000+10:00

I was never good in making proper introductions for any form of writings (typing included) and same applies for each time i blog. Still struggling tho on how to begin each post "properly". Anyhow it's been a REALLY long time since i posted something so here goes nothing.

Its been a full 9days 9 nights since i first arrived in Melbourne. Adapting is always the hardest part and the sense of missing home and all your other friends is beyond words. Somehow as i reach here i'm able to find peace and joy. I do miss home - a heck lot! - but for me being able to adapt into my new surroundings is one part that is contributing the the peace and calmness in my mind. Honestly, life here is GREAT so far. Fully enrolled in an excellent University, settling down in a great church with amazing people and an accommodation right in the middle of the city. What else could i possibly ask for? everything is within my grasp at the moment.

I just cant imagine how much i love Melbourne now. No wonder angeline decided not to go back during holidays even if its summer holidays. The place is just simply amazing and beyond description. If i were to start describing everything i might as well write a book about Melbourne. I know i sound biased now and probably a lil obnoxious or something like that but i don't care! I just love the place. =)

From left to right
[Ah something(forgot his name), Angeline lee, Rita, Angeline Sie, A.Lee's Friend (papa something), myself and "Tofu" a.k.a Kriz's brother]
Behind us is the state library of Victoria and right in front of where i'm staying. =P

P.S: Melbourne city is in Melbourne which is in Victoria. Don't get confused!

This picture is what angeline would call "CHC gathering in Melbourne". I prefer to call it "rombongan CHC di Melbourne". Haha. It's funny that prior to me coming here, the only person i know is angeline and i only met the rest when i arrived there. Plus, this was taken the next morning after i arrived. Everyone is just so lovely and friendly. We really had a blast that day tho.

2007-05-30T02:55:00.000+10:00

Here's a quick update on how things have been of late:

1) RMIT extended deadline for 2 weeks while pending exemptions applications results. Good news definitely since it's still my 1st choice of University

2) Submitting Swinburne's application form by this week or monday next week so should be expecting results within 3 weeks tops

3) Advance Diploma officially started today and i'm still in KK. UTAR also began its semester 1 week earlier so this means my study options have been narrowed down to Monash KL or australia and more recently, United Kingdom. Apparently dad is suggesting to complete my studies in 2 years time and start working.

4) Less than 4 weeks to go till the execution of 19suprises and i'm only on no.3. I'm so dead when she's back. And bro, i'm still a chicken in this whole craze. Well only my bro and ana would understand what item no.4 is all about. It's like what ana said, highlight of the year, one of the top top top agenda's. Lol.

5) Results via Pass/Fail is out in 7hrs time (that's 10am on a wednesday morning) and i'm not feeling nervous right now nor tensed. Felt a little earlier but quite calm now. Listening to pop rock songs got me all hyped up now.

You make me wanna lala in the kitchen on the floor
I'll be a French maid where I meet you at the door
I'm like an alley cat
Drink the milk up I want more
You make me wanna
You make me wanna scream

I feel safe with you
I can be myself tonight
It's alright with you
'Cause you hold my secrets tight
You do,you do
You make me wanna lala lalala lalala lalalalala lalala
You make me wanna lala lalala

2007-05-26T05:18:00.001+10:00

PART 2

When i finally got some pictures into this computer i realised it does not have picture editor programs so once again, it's gonna be a word filled entry tonight. =(

Things around me are beginning to get complicated i realise. For starters, thomson has a problem in female since he only goes after girls with the name sarah and most recently, a 17yr old one whose quite hot with a very strict family(he's ex is sarah and the girl before is also sarah). Tough luck mate + girls named sarah addiction problem. Then there's james whose contemplating on breaking up with his 16yr old sweetie since he's going to university in the coming months (thank God he's finally shifting out of sabah). The bloke don't believe in long distance relationships so oh well. Evan is another poor fella. Still stuck in sabah for the past 1yr since A-Levels finished and still unsure where to go to further his studies. Mind you the guy scored straight A's in 4 subjects (he's from science stream). Really pity him. Hope he really pass the interviews and head to cambridge or somewhere that fits his intellectual. Then finally there's ana who is having issues in workplace with the doctor and that "jerk" (in mel's own words to label that guy). By far she's the one that give's me the biggest headache of those who still remains here in lonely kota kinabalu.

Well, life won't be fun if i don't have any problems right? like the saying goes, "if you can't beat 'em, JOIN 'EM!". Still haven't filled my Swinburne application forms yet and I'm suppose to submit it by next week. Tempted to switch places tho from RMIT to Swinburne since they start end of july and have cheaper fees compared. Down part is I'm 30mins tops adrift of mel. Not really a problem tho considering to go to sunway from setapak consumes 1hr 30mins to 2hrs tops which i have to go through each weekend. Yay!! Right now just hoping and still praying, that i'm gonna get exemptions from either Uni's and get the full green light to go overseas. After all, TAR's advance diploma program starts monday and it's saturday now. I HAVEN'T EVEN PACKED!!!! So i'm on the brink of thinking that somehow rather, i gotta go overseas since only Monash in KL offers my course.

P.S : For those of you who knows who mel is and is beginning to wonder why i choose australia or melbourne to be more specific, it's NOT because of her and i repeat, NOT because of her.

But to be honest, I'm done with KL already. Tired of the place, filled with bittersweet memories (more sweet ones definitely). To meet people like erin, angeline, "shorty", boon wee and of course, the most controversial one, "princess". Can't really tell why it's controversial tho since somethings are better left untold except to a few trusted ones and extremely close to me. More importantly, there's no decent place to exercise in KL!!! can't access to a place to jog or play tennis while gym's are expensive and far.

Okay, better stop complaining before i begin to annoy some locals or those who are staying there. Signing off for now and until we meet again in my next entry, sayonara and toodles!!

2007-05-22T04:49:00.000+10:00

PART 1

I understand if the blog is a little short of colorful bright sunny pictures filled with people's face and smiles. Promise to upload more pictures in the coming post.

Being Inspired : SAY NO TO NO

Isn't it high time someone got negative about negative things?
Yes it is
Look around. The world is full of things that, according to non-sayers, should have never happened.
"Impossible"
"Impractical"
"No"
An yet "yes"
Yes, continents have been found
Yes, men have played gold on the moon
Yes, straw is being turned into biofuel to power cars
Yes, yes, yes.
What does it take to turn no into yes?
Curiosity. An open mind. A willingness to take risks.
And, when the problem seems most insoluble, when the challenge is hardest, when everyone else is shaking their heads, to say: let's go

Recently i bought a copy of times magazine to cure my boredom and it proved its worth during its long period of reading it has provided me with (believe me, till now mum and dad is still shocked i bought one). In one of the pages (advert to be exact) is where i got the paragraph above. It inspired me a lot in that particular week when things were beginning to get rougher for me and kinda helped me through it. So when each time you feel like you cant push thru, think twice and keep fighting on. It's worth it! =)

2007-05-16T22:23:00.000+10:00

There are days when you wake up in the morning and you feel great. Feel that the world is in your grasp. Feel that today is the day where big things is gonna happen. Big decisions being made and big events that will happen and somehow change your life in some ways.

Sure you can only agree with me in this right?

But then, there are also days where you wake up and feel the weight of the world on you. Feeling that you can't make it out of the four walls of your house without anything going wrong prior to it. Feeling that it would've been better if you stayed home, tucked warmly underneath the blanket and take a long, much needed sleep which you've craved for since 3months ago. In short, feels as if today is gonna be the worst day of your life and your 6th sense just tingled in the nick of time to give you a 5mins heads up.

Well, that's just how DAYS go for some people. That's why people can come up with lines like "the good, the bad and the ugly".

For me, I had the latter of the days i described. Unfortunately but its reality. I tend to think bad luck or bad incidents happen because you first did it to someone so karma returns it back to you in a time and event only time will tell. For example, if someone keeps sms you and you feel annoyed in replying you end up replying short and straight to the point, wouldn't that person feel hurt? You wouldn't care pretty much right? after all, its not YOUR feelings to start with. But when karma strikes back at you, well, you know what I'm gonna say anyway. Still...

Life goes on many of us.

The rain poured heavy this morning (afternoon to be exact) as i woke up from my deep slumber. The kind that really wakes you up, gets you all cozy and gives you the feeling to just lie down on bed and enjoy the rain and not sleep. Really. It was about 1pm when i realized the time. Somehow deep down, I could feel a voice crying to me saying "Kelvin, you gotta prepare yourself for today cuz the sun ain't shining on you".

Literally, it happened. The sun didn't shine today at all and its been either pouring or cloudy all the way till evening. All the more, the sun sets at about 6.30p.m here in KK unlike 7.30pm in KL. It was really a dark, dark day for me.

If you're pretty bored by now reading my ramblings so far then allow me to enlighten your misery by going straight to the main point. It's my application for University which has got me depressed all morning. But then i have been partially down since last night after hearing "eggs" story bout her colleague. Still feel like punching his face till this very minute though.

P.S : Me, fiona and mel have come up with nicknames for ourselves after the standard healthy american breakfast.

Me = Ham Mel = Bacon Fiona = Eggs
An addition to the family, Cheryl = Mashed potatoes (the cheryl in canada =) )

Well, RMIT did offer me a place no doubt. A conditional one that is considering i applied when i was still going through my diploma and all i was required to fulfill is to complete my diploma and bring them my full transcript with a letter certifying I'm done with this course. Sounds all easy peachy and good to go right?

Yeah that's what i thought too in the beginning

Then when i talked to the counselor bout getting exemptions, he said i was short of 0.2 in my CGPA. Once again, 0.2. That 2 numbers is still floating around my head right now. So right now, I'm quite uncertain what to do now. I can't go back K.L anymore. Despite how much I've learn from there and the many joyful people that has brighten my dull life so far, the pain it bears is still to much for me to face once more.

Call me a coward, call me a sissy or what ever you want. I can't find the sufficient courage to go and face my "demons" once more. No, I don't mean REAL demonic, evil people. Just a big word to represent everything. Mum ain't giving me any certainties for once. I don't dare to talk to dad yet. Justin is missing in action smoking pot somewhere i guess. Eggs busy working and bacon's done what she can do. Even sis said to go for the positive and fight for it if i really want it.

Guess that's the only thing i can do now. Fight for it in real and pray hard God makes it possible through all this clouds on top of me. All the more, i heard a small voice telling me God will make a way through all this. Is this God's sign i shouldn't worry so much? That i should do the utmost of what man alone can do and leave God the rest - the impossibles. =)

Sorry the details is still a little blurry in many parts. Can't really put things into words right now. Heads stuck and it's pretty amazing already i can still find the urge and passion to blog right now. All i know is, despite all this, i gotta push through. Its what makes individuals stronger if i remembered correctly from somewhere.

P.S : Whatever the outcome maybe, I will not and mean WILL NOT, go back to TAR college or UTAR. It's not an option to me. I'm going distances cause I'm capable of dreaming big!!

2007-05-10T17:12:00.000+10:00

Sabahans are getting richer of late. Cars like Nissan 350z and Mazda rx-7/8 are popping up suddenly like mushroom after the rain this year. However since K.L is filled with this cars so it didnt bother me much. What bothered me was this car. A SLK 200 worth several hundred thousand if i'm not wrong. It's 10times better and cooler looking than a C200 Kompressor Mercs and well, faster by a mile. To see this car in KK is quite a sight to me. All the more the driver is quite young from his appreance.

Ice Skating. 2 years in K.L plus going to sunway each weekend and I never went ice skating. Sigh...

As eric said in his msn,

Munday Tiusday Wetnesday Thurstday Fryday Sadurday Sonday - lol..

7 long days passing by and i'm bored to death. I can feel the mass in me decreasing, the phosphorus in my bones demolecullarized, my eye ball shrinking and my brain hallucinating. Ok i'm crapping here again. Since i'm so free at the moment due to the down time in my online game, I might as well do some blogging - with proper english for once without any abbreviations and la or kan's. So if you find one here do nudge me and claim Rm5 from me. *Muaks*. But you can exclude the "lol" earlier on. It's well intended. =)

So life goes on for everybody ever since college ended. College friends taking a break in their respective homes. Church friends still actively serving God, still on fire I hope. Me on the other hand is waiting patiently plus anxiously for my offer letter to arrive. I meant to say conditional offer letter to arrive. It's been a week already since the online approval and while my friends have received theirs, mine is still no where in sight.

P.S : The post office system in Malaysia is not that efficient also lately...

On a happier note, had a haircut yesterday!! Yay!! Kinda short though according to kher lit. She say it's not ugly but trying hard not to go there yet complains it's too short. Thought of trying something different for once but get this kinda critic. Hmm, short hair kel seem's to be a no-no from now onwards. Here's a look on it tho and you'll be the judge.

Mother's Day is approaching very soon!! It's this sunday according to my brother but webbie says its May 15. So to be honest, I'm kinda lost now. All the more lost in what to buy considering I have a mother who is into fashion and has a wishlist of things where her son who is not working is not able to afford for any of those items including the cheapest one. *Sobs*. Guess a bouque of flowers will do plus a simple card. It's the thought that counts right? Hehe...

Initially I had this long list of things to blog such as school bully issues, karma, farewells, and friends just to name a few but think today i'll vent my disappointment in the area of promises. I remember I used to tell someone "a promise made is not meant to be broken". I remember saying that when I could still hold my head up high because no matter bad or lousy I did things, I could still carry it out. And despite believing in the idiom "buat baik dibalas baik", somehow things just don't seem to happen in this aspect. All the more when someone breaks it, it only aches yourself. Sucks, but that's life and i'm openly whining.

P.S: Kher lit, where's my chicken soup?!?!?!

2007-04-30T01:05:00.000+10:00

Yee.....everything went a lil weird after i woke up from sleep this afternoon with some weird ppl sms-ing. But then to start of today has been a bit of a weird day. Feels good i think is the word, to step foot in the church again which might prolly be my last chance with things atm. Said a few goodbyes and sent some hugs around except for some missing ppl.

P.S: baby shannon is like so uber tiny and has red cheeks. but uber-dorable!!!

Cant really describe it but seriously feels different in some ways. prolly the sadness creeping in right now and the fact that im not prepared for maths tomorrow is turning my stomach like a washing machine right now. then there's anticipating for my results of my application.

going topsy-turvy ~ but feel like gaming till 3am >.<

kellie and ming wei suggested farewell but i didnt want one. hate it. its like bringing in a crowd to be sad with u instead of going everyday normally having fun with no holds barred till the very last day. why celebrate the departure of someone? a normal going-out-together-thingy seeing a movie or bowling would be fun and dont resemble the "farewell for someone outing thingy" tho. haiz...

heard this classic song over the radio while heading for dinner and thought it was cool. even the cooler after translating it. kinda a sad song for the guy but what to do? thats how i felt at one point. might as well take some pride in it by singing it sumbangly and have fun.

singing sumbangly - think i got that while sitting in erin's car going home or somewhere (~.~)

等待我随时随地在等待做你感情上的依赖

我没有任何的疑问这是爱

我猜你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败从天堂掉落到深渊多无奈

我愿意改变 (what can I do?)
重新再来一遍 (just give me chance)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深叫我怎么能收手

但你说 I only wanna be your friend 做个朋友
我在你心中只是 just a friend 不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I 不能只是 be your friend
I just can't be your friend

No~ 我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

if ur wondering, no, i'm not being all emo right now thanks to the song. my cycle just ended earlier this week. so im fresh out and gonna have fun. spiderman's out this week and gonna catch it with sis on a midnight show prolly. i love Labor Day!! hahah...

College Is Over

2007-04-21T01:24:00.000+10:00

It feels like back in form 5 where secondary school has officially ended and all that was left is spm to face in the latter days. Still feels like that of over 2years ago right now. All that's left is 4 paper which seperates me and the unknown. Feels enlightened tho, knowing the fact I dont have to sit in another lecture hall where my butt hurts except in 2DK's(dewan kuliah).

the entire mechanical/manufacturing eng course minus few absentees
my tutorial group @ all the fan cheong's in the world

Exam commences this saturday which is practically tomorrow but thankfully my paper is not till next week tuesday. Its gonna clash with Robb Thompson's conference so still wondering if i should go or not. Decisions decisions. Cant they be any easier?

As for exams, like law said it best when it was his spm, GOGO kelvin!!

Neck hurts badly now tho and my heart is not ready to study yet today. Gosh...spent the entire afternoon teaching teik wei and yong chong another paper plus me going over to celebrate "princess" birthday ate my whole day today. haha. 18hrs passed and i barely, seriously barely, touched my maths notes. @_@"

O-M-G!!!

Still, had loadsa fun today just ended up 20% more sick and a wili wili wili bad sore throat. argh!!! Here's something to please you're heavy eyes reading this.

the birthday cake

yang hari jadi hari ini punya, si permaisuri

2 uncles, 1 auntie, 1 older auntie and 1 monkey. No, dont guess who's the monkey please...

the other bunch of invited aunties and uncles...

the sultan, queen, permaisuri and the brother

blogging time is up!! gotta head back to study by hook or by crook. Lazy blog so many things right now....so....freaking....tired.....

2007-04-13T00:54:00.000+10:00

so tired i nearly slept while po hin was preaching during cell group just now. all thanks to my wonderful bunch of crazy bunch of college friends filled with wild ideas. yesterday bah started when i me n shorty go study room kononnya mau study. reach there buka file read not even half page teik wei and ah bui came. talk talk bout futsal at night then suddenly end up agree to go see turtle's movie (TMNT). so all 4 of us rang up whoever crazy enough and available to join us in skipping lecture and go bermovie.

end up 7 of us heading all the way to leisure mall in cheras. very de excited la step foot into leisure mall for the 1st for me & shorty, manatau the GSC there didnt show TMNT. everyone was like going !@#$% and !#$%%% and more #$%&&#%. (=_=)" so we end up watching The Hitcher starring sophia bush.

while waiting for the movie we end up snapping photos in the toilet while we were peeing. nah jus kidding, that would be disgusting and invading our privacy tho...

It was definitely worth my rm5 seeing sophia bush and saw wee siang freaked out like a lil girl at some super scary scenes. the 2nd most muscular guy in my tutorial group shrieked like a lil girl right in the middle of the cinema.

sigh...and i thought he was macho...

still, sophia bush was undeniably H-A-W-T.

then after movie shorty's car was locked and he got the wrong key. 4hr road trip to klang and back was the only solution. kinda fun tho to see Asia's biggest Jusco in the making nearby bukit tinggi while bukit raja's Jusco wasnt that bad after all - approx 5X bigger than alpha angle in wangsa maju.

foopid!!!

after midnight was nothing but football madness. futsal at 1am then go mamak see ball. I seriously dont know where to find the strength to go on the next day which happens to be today. best part was i scored the best goal in my history of play. a chest - 1 touch on the floor - a turn - and i beat the keeper. fu-yohh...i felt like wayne rooney for that split second. hahaha!!!

*still feeling the sensation of that goal till now tho*

ok la..enough blogging for now. gotta head back to studying. btw, submitting my uni application form tomorrow tho so like angeline said, don wish me luck, wish me all the best!!! (^^)v

2007-04-11T03:41:00.000+10:00

always disliked tuesday due to long study hours in college. all the more class ends at 6pm so cant go kfc and enjoy tuesday's special unless we decide to skip maths lecture. kinda hard for that to happen also considering maths is like the toughest paper this last sem and i need to nail this paper for a better prospect of credit transfer.

And the thought of me being hungry and not getting to order that colonel rice meal irritates me a lot. pift...

Got all my transcripts and etc to apply uni today and managed to fill out the application flawlessly so im all set to send my application. prob is i'm kinda nervous now. dont know why but having 2nd thoughts - dark ones that is. kinda feeling uncertain bout submiting it now. don't know why but just dont feel super enthusiast bout it now.

prolly jus fear of being rejected by them. I could remember having cold feets even when i was apply for TAR 2yrs ago after all my friends got their offer letter except me.

1 1/2 weeks left till finals tho. gotta bucp up for all i know - especially maths. got nothing left to distract me now except laziness since there isnt a major church activity until june earliest if not wrong. wee...by then im like super free.

May and june is still gonna be blur. wonder if im gonna be in KL or KK. For all i know prolly dad dragged me along with him on his business trip to tawau for 3 days. OMG. so if u see me, u see me, if u dont see me, bon voyage and sayonara mademoiselle and senior~

Man Utd playing AS Roma later in champions league Quarterfinal 2nd leg. Hope the red devils win big time and qualify to the semi's with wayne rooney breaking ppl's leg with his tackles and ronaldo getting ppl into headaches with his skills. lol. I'm drunk now forgive me...

2007-04-09T02:23:00.000+10:00

Easter is over - YAY!!! Relieved that everything is over now that i can have some good rest and get my butt back on my main focus which is completing my finals. Everyone's really tired obviously from they're visible panda eyes beneath the make-up and this morning everyone was yawning like crazy. AS for me, i had to learn the hard way nescafe or coffee wasnt the cure for it. I needed some loud music to keep me awake. Lost count how many yawns i made in 1hr - still am yawning now tho. Bla bla bla, here's something for ur eyes to rest at...

i got beard!!! im rugged!!
poor kenny, too sleepy adi...
hell-ions getting rdy for the big show..
andrew mulitasking - do hair, make-up, and eat FRIES
liew getting whipped for stealing roti canai
kenny getting whipped for not finishin his nescafe
ivy, me, kenny
me and "baby" nat
brown hair, white teeth, broad smiles...perfecto!!
look ma!!! got ghost next to me...
me and sheyvin
- the 3 dejected man U fans -
hunter the guitarist
andrew the hungry fish eater
kelvin the "crippled" rapper

Alls well ends well. Easter drama and it's cast and crew played their last and it was truly a grand finale. And seriously everything was going superbly well - minus some tiny blips - but saw someone that got me a lil upset bout it. Well, the person wore green today so white is definitely out of the scenario. Anyway, two thumbs up to all the cast and crew for the great job and i know a certain "auntie" who is really stressed out bout all this. calm down la boss...

Did a lil walk walk in sg wang with mum + 2 aunts and end up buying 2 pairs of levi's. The cool part bout it was that i couldnt decide which one i wanted so mum say grab both. Woot!! Now ive finally got all the jeans i need. Whats left to fill the wardrobe is a new pair of shoes. Coming soon at the next sales!!! hahaha...

my new 523 and 525, don jealous oh bro =P

Getting that feeling of wanna blog something out but cant cuz im getting stuck halfway and prolly i end up being too direct that the person reads it and hurts the person. But what i can SAFELY say here is that theres something im saying one thing while in my head its another. Sucks, really. Everything is going topsy-turvy now with the past haunting, the present fleeing, the future fluctuating. Prolly i should jus take everyones advice and bust my butt outta here asap. =/God, you send me so many signs adi, i ask for one last one.

Please...

2007-04-06T23:49:00.000+10:00

Recently i discovered i have another nephew. Well, my 2nd infact considering the first one i knew late last year. I've got this family issue where they dont tell kelvin anything until its life and death - at the very end of the straw that is. Been through enough scenarios already to not get upset or frust over it. Anyway back to the main point. I just found out i've got another nephew, one that i can visit on the weekends and play kelvin the bad bad cute monster and tickle each other till someone laughs. =) (i'm a so not talented babysitter i know). Apparently 2nd eldest cousin's wive gave birth to a healthy little baby boy on March 17 with the name Matthew Ong. Another Ong into the list of Ong Vs Fong in my family. Apparently all the guys are Ong in my family except 2 while the rest of the girls are Fong. (=.=)" Good thing is he's named after one of Jesus's disciple - Matthew, the tax collecter. woop-pee-dee!! Wonder if he would be a cheapskate fella or a very generous one with his money? hmm...

Anyway here's some photos of him in his many faces...

M: "Can't u see i'm sleeping? shoo..."
M: "I was dreaming bout jessica alba!! u ruined it!!! waaaaaa...."
M: "Taste my fist!!!"
M: "smoochies up for grabs!!"
M: "Blur syndrome runs in the family...duh =S"

Havent actually visit the lil brat yet due to congested schedule this semester but planning to give him a nick in the tummy at his full moon par-tay this month or somewhere later. Wonder how good are my hands with tiny babies? hmm...baby M here uncle ong comes!!! bwahahaha!!! (^^)

I'm getting older without knowing it. 20 this year but i'm an uncle already. It's kinda normal actually to be one at this age but it struck me, few years down the road it would be my turn giving ang pao's to the little brats. That is IF, all goes well down the road and down the aisle. Haha. 3 more years till i Grad with my degree godsped that is. Sigh, time to say bye bye to the lil kelvin in me. All the more, "a close source" tells me that im too playful and cheeky, not the kinda guy a girl wants. Ouch...right in the face that hit me.

2007-04-01T18:35:00.000+10:00

im soooo tired but i shouldnt be complaining so much yet since im doing the least of things compared to other people. still, my solid body of bones and increasing mass of muscles is a lil worn down now and black circles are visible. now i wonder why the men never had mascara or stuffs like that to keep us looking good in the morning like the females? hmm....still, heres a recap of pictures of the past 1 week or so where everyday is a church day - its fun tho =)

Modern day version of "David and Goliath"
Goliath = bigger size, tall Ps Pat
David = taller, skinny me =O
look how empty the lrt is...
3 of us really took the last LRT home at 11.45pm
Wai Kok rekindling his early school days with his "fishies"

Then came baptism day on a saturday morning at 7.30am. 7.30 was still ok but to wake up at 6am was a lil uh-oh. And the fact i end up sleeping at a lil over 2am was the icing on the cake - in the opposite way that is. Waking up was like !@#$%& with all that headache and restless sleep. Thankfully alls well ends well. Baptism went well and truly, there's a renewing of spirit in me. Enjoy~

First up in our group was jason...
a lil nervous looking cheryl when her turn was coming up
and finally her turn...
next up was Arsenal's no.1 fan martin...
yea yea my turn...
being the last was the best i thought but i was like super nervous!!!
W26 + cheryl's mum...
clearly we can see that Pastor anti Man Utd eh? (-_-)"
one big family...
Ju yin the new face of Ju-On
(>.<) scary~~
like erin says it best, the 2 "stooges" and may shen

2007-03-27T03:37:00.000+10:00

ahhhhhh...blogging~~

miss doing this for the past few days due tight schedule and internet connection went down.
not really a problem now though.
in the midst of Ps. Pat's conference and its been one heck of a roller coaster ride so far with his preaching.
best part was, to see wai and shirley coming to church.
man, harry musta did something so right to convince him to come after so many years and the sight of him walking inside the church - priceless.
hope this is the beginning of more great to come.
after all, march is still a month of decisions, trials and answers.

"you know the solution of your problem but you choose to be in denial about it only"

anonymous

got this from someone tonight while spending some long hours catching up with each other and discussing how our lives has been so far.
never thought of doing it with "anonymous" of all people but seems that this person is a lot like me going through all the struggles of a young adult.
one word - awesome.
and in the end came up with a story bout "Z"

Z has a problem and Z tries hard to solve it
unconciously, Z refuses to solve it
Z wants to be selfish, stubborn and in denial
Z has many friends and all tells the same
its time to solve it once and for all
unfortunately Z is stubborn, very in fact
at times, i wanna tell Z to wake up
wake up and smell the coffee and realise
there's more to life for Z and brighter days
but Z still stands in the middle, still refusing
we all look in agony, pain, irritated, agitated
still Z is a friend, least is we support Z
im tired tho, dont know how long i can go on
probably its time i let the Almighty deal
im already stuck in this icebox in my heart

P.S: if its too confusing to understand please forgive me. names cannot be mentioned due to privacy and i wish to keep blogging simple tonight. it's best only a handful know what im talking about here. =) cheers + toodles~

2007-03-22T04:07:00.000+11:00

"In the past I made the starting point of my relationships what I wanted instead of what God wanted. I looked out for my needs and fit others into my agenda. Did I find fulfillment? No, I only found compromise and heartache. I not only hurt myself, and, most seriously, I sinned against God.

But when I reversed my attitude and made my main priority in relationships pleasing God and blessing others, I found true peace and joy. Smart love unlocks God's best for our lives. When I stopped viewing girls as potential girlfriends and started treating them as sisters in Christ, I discovered the richness of true friendship. "

I quoted this part from the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. There's more to where that came from but as I was reading it in the lrt for the first 25minutes, this part struck me the most. It reminds me of the hurts i've received from the past and how I selfishly viewed things in this area. Haha. I so deserve this. It's like so many times God has been telling me "Kel!!!! you're super duper not ready for relationships yet since your last! Don't be so harsh in getting one now." Prolly the hardened ear wax in my spiritual ear caused me to be deaf to it so far.

I had the opportunity to engage into this book several years ago, while i was entering my teenage years but with the ego I had in me and the mindset that i'm ready to take on the world, i refused this book and end up being the biggest loser in this little game we play. It's never too late tho for anything. I do have a tendency to learn things the hard way in every aspect of my life. Therefore, at this age of 20, probably it is yet the best time for me to engage into this book and learn it's principles. After all, relationships at this stage is preparing ourselves for the bigger picture. You know what i'm talking about. *winking* haha.

But then i'm being happy now with everything. Well, not entirely happy but least i'm not complaining. Being able to establish back the lost relationships with several close friends is the biggest catch of the day - girls that is - and to not go beyond that line is really the icing on the cake. All the more, being busy with studies and church activities leaves me no time to think of girls. Well, maybe when i'm showering or that 5 minutes before i doze off in bed at night. haha. Still, my one big problem has been settled already without me even knowing it. It feels like God just came and took it away during prayer meeting. Maybe even as early as when I was preparing my heart for prayer meeting, to get my spirit right with Him. I cannot think of a happier state of myself than now. Amen!!!

Still, like lo wen has always reminded me, it's never an easy journey but you gotta push through all the way. Jus glad there's people watchin my back when i'm about to fall or having problems. This is definitely one of the best advantages in becoming a Christian. Hallelujah!! But I feel the urgency to start anew tonight. To start fresh in my relationships. And the thing is, there's this ringing from God telling me to apologise for the lies and craps and undelivered promises i've made. Well, if that's His will, it shall be done then. Sorry!!! I mean it (>.<)"

2007-03-21T03:12:00.000+11:00

baby shannon - as cute as ever like her parents

looking out my window, i see long hours and days ahead of me. studying is said to be the best part in our lives with all the freedom we get. after all, we only have exams to worry about for 3 weeks or lesser every 3 or 6 months. sounds ideal and thoroughly appealing to almost everyone but not me nowadays. in my final semester now and i can really feel the tension rising up adi. gotta do well after all. its now or never...

amazingly today has been a great day. wonderful in fact. spent the whole day studying and managed to go prayer meeting which i gotta say, was totally awesome when everyone goes praying in tongues and 15mins passes JUST LIKE THAT. really W-O-W. haha. feel charged up again and ready to take on the world for another fight. the best part was, really icing on the cake, was that i have total control over my emotions and no "girl" problem in my mind. haha. think some people would understand what im yapping here. ^^

even the radio understands me well now by playing the song "scars" by papa roach. so good timing o. i urge you to check out the lyrics bout it. really fits my shoe right now and what i should do. haha. problem is i care too much about everyone else till i lack the urge and time to care bout my own needs. over sacrificing prolly. still...life is good!! loving the stress and busy-ness i go thru each day. but then im thinking of working part time. wonder if it would affect my time to study or not? but i sure could use the extra cash to push thru this very long and faith stretching season of sowing and reaping.

building the rock of newspapers and sticky glue...yerrrr

2007-03-17T06:29:00.000+11:00

days go by and still i think of you,
and i've become more and more out of touch with reality,
thankfully i found hands to carry me back,
hands of those not i wanted from,
but that of what i need most,

it hurts every day when i think of it,
and honestly, like hell sometimes,
still i'm a fool to go through it,
letting go wouldnt be an option tho,
not even at the 14th floor,
stubbornness runs in the family.

been tired of counselling lately,
why me i wonder,
i'm no perfect person,
just doing what i know correctly,
maybe it's my turn,
to return back to God what He gave me earlier.

in a future full of uncertainty,
it's only driving me nuts,
i dont wanna think bout it,
but everything around me reminds me,
friends, family, special ones, everyone,
i want you all to leave me alone,
let me deal with it in time,
is that too much to ask of you?

i cant be selfish,
never learnt that word in school,
i have to be the light,
anyone who needs it,
thats why ive gotta keep smiling,
driving myself and motivating with optimism,
its tiring, forceful at times,
but emotions fluctuate with time,
its harder to control tonight,
but i wont lose, not when there's one more soul on my watch tonight,
i shant give up for the better of tomorrow,
not when the fight isnt over...

in lonely moments,
in cold nights,
in warm mornings,
in afternoons,
in rainy evenings,
there will always be a hand stretching to grasp you back,
one that never fails,
don be afraid to step out,
we've got your back covered.

2007-03-14T01:51:00.000+11:00

results came out today via pass/fail list. woke up at 9.26am from shorty's call bout results being released earlier before scheduled. sudahlah i told him i very benci people waking me up before my alarm ring (which was 9.30am today) he still pretend nothing happened. gotta cut that guy some slacks tho. after all, he didnt do well and took loadsa comforting talk with a whole dose of optimism to get him to bounce back. then when came boon wee with the same news i directly k.o. im outta prep talk scripts adi. sigh...

well bout myself, the best scenario of passing everything was not meant to be knocking on my doorstep today. failed one paper tho which was CNC technology. if there was something to blame for this to happen is watching footie in mamak at 2am. (-_-)!! somemore it was the match where Man U thrashed tottenham 4-0. morale of the story, no more footie matches in exam periods!!! 1 paper wont really affect me much tho since i passed the super duper muper juper luper tuper important ones. this one? can de la...

dad wasnt too happy bout it tho but nor was he angry. just want me to buck up cuz he's like more worried bout me not getting into Uni than myself now. (>.>) parents, amazing people in our lives eh? haha. and in conclusion, he wants nothing lesser than 3.0 in my cgpa. demanding parents. good also ler...got motivation and pressure to study. hahahahaha...still got mummy to deal with. good thing she busy in taiwan now. hahaha. less half the pressure jor (^.^)v

so end up skipping another day of class again. 2 lectures that is and went to play bowling!!!! if theres a proper reason to skip classes, this would be a legitimate or acceptable reason. anyway 7 of us end up going to midvalley and bowled 3 very very very long rounds. 4hrs to be exact. end up bowling till my right hand cannot do workout jor. happy with my game today cuz reach 100 above with more strikes and spare. yay~ amazing thing was for 3 times, yeap THREE times, the ball bounced up from longkang and whack the pins. i turn my back and i can 6 guys with their jaws dropped. must be me being too geng or "someone" helped me while bowling. best thing was, i never felt so competitive while bowling. 3 of us were like banging strikes after strikes and spares after spares. pressure man!!!!

the lanes after lights turned off and dance music being played...

in stance ready to bowl the ball...
feeling dejected after my near perfect stance only got 1 pin (~.~)

2007-03-13T03:51:00.000+11:00

bored while waiting for george...

had my 1st practice with the rest of the cast for easter production today and had lots of fun. at some point too much till i cant forgot i stopped laughing at albert especially. what is wrong with this cast anyway? theres like too much humour in each of them that this whole drama can actually become a comedy. if even heng as Jesus can crack up jokes halfway, what else? this is definitely a recipe for disaster. but then its great to see such a great cast of ppl for this easter and tho my role maybe small, im enjoying it. everyone starts from something small anyway. still, i wonder who signed me up in the production? i know liew was by lee choo, but for kenny and me? (-_-)!! there must be some conspiracy to it. but erin, its definitely NOT KEITH!!! hahaha...u weirdo funny "auntie" (^.^)v. but all this excitement is making me look forward to easter. feel like a new born christian again - minus the baby part la. but its like this new faith inside me. awesome....

2007-03-12T21:02:00.000+11:00

I want to follow but what does it mean,
To live in this world and keep everything clean.
Nothing I own here is ever my own,
When I live in the mercy and blessing you've shown.
I lay down my rights; see the world through your eyes,
And fight for the hungry who pay for our lives,
I want to have you in all of my world.
So Jesus consume me, flow through me, cos now is the time...

As i look into the bridge of this song and try to understand it, it got me thinking again. what does it really mean to follow Jesus? to do His works like in Mark 16:15. and then i began to recap back the past few years of my life. it's never been a happy journey filled with non-stop laughter each day all the way. there's always a problem here and there. persecution from friends and family. bad things that we wished never happened. but despite that every other day has been really wonderful. more meaningful. more exciting and thrilling. like when counting down and preparing for youth camps or conferences like emerge. or being so stressed out over exam periods and being faith stretched then. or gotten so happy or depressed over relationships with friends or loved ones. but then its been an amazing journey so far.

and right now i feel great. great altho i skipped the whole day of college today because i talked to someone who's inspired me to go on and gave me directions once more. after all, the no.1 priority in our lives is God. so if i cant deal straight with Him 1st, i cant do anything else right. so if i were to skip class today to make it right, it would still be a wrong thing but i gotta do it. okay im confusing myself now (-_-). quiet time is much more fun now, the word of God is much livelier.

HEAD OVER HEAR

that's one thing i've learnt outside the four walls of a class today. its having the ability to choose to do the right thing despite how much the situation is against you and still able to deliver it. i may be emotional but that doesnt mean i should show it all the time to everyone. some selective people only who are above me and wise enough to help me through it. this means i can still be emotional. yay!! and being the stubborn person i am, i gotta admit i'm not ready to fall into a relationship at all. least for now. truth hurts but it heals better and faster.

2007-03-11T23:56:00.000+11:00

to someone special, for brighter days ahead in our lives, for happier days with sunshine... =)

the world of blogging is taking a twist right now in my view. everyone's gonna be blogging now. minus the fact that i already know a whole bunch of people who blogs atm but with the church engaging the blogging culture, it's gonna be somehow...awkward i think?

i can't really imagine someone like lee choo or po hin blogging on the net. not that they're not "hype" enough for it or dont have the talents but its more of what they're gonna write. and to be honest, i'm dying of curiosity. what they'll write, how much can they bare out, if it's gonna be interesting or not to the readers? i've got tons to find out but yet it kinda feels awkward to me.

on the other hand, it would be awesome to know what people like teh and the rest of the usher team can blog. after all, they seem to be so fun to be with. ok i'm biased. i spend more time with them during serving and we always play around with each other. :P still,for good or for worst, it'll be interesting to read all the blogs the leaders and staff have. haha...

here's something really random to pop up in the midst of blogging...

here's something encouraging, really positive and helpful i learnt couple of days ago. not really learnt but it was more of a revelation from God. somehow i seem to be getting quite a few lately. it's that each day, we ought to speak positive things TO ourselves. stand up straight, walk up to the mirror and pray over ourselves. i find each time i do it, it really works wonders and theres a whole lotta difference in that day. prolly can try speaking positive things to ourselves, or ask for something from God such as wisdom and guidance to lead ourselves throughout the day, etc etc etc. give it a try =)

kids performing a song for ministry recruitment...

kinda ashamed of myself. if kids at the age of 14? 15? or lower can play instruments while i cant, what else have got to say bout myself? (-.-)!!

had the 1st class with keith today and it went really well. as if i really enjoyed it for the first time. felt blessed i manage to pull myself up and go attend this class after consulting with lee choo. and that to face my problems instead of running from it. probably the best thing i've done this year so far. thanks God...and here begins my journey of recovering from backsliding. gogo kel!!

2007-03-08T02:11:00.000+11:00

airports are definitely the best place to grab some much needed liquor or choc without the duty

a very nice and recommended album to hear...totaly awesome!!

al' demonstrates us how to eat french toast during dinner...@#$!?

well, life goes on and college semester resumes with classes everyday. only thing thats killing me now is the intense heat and the weather lately. its either reli wet or reli dry. then there's long breaks like 4hrs everyday to deal with. klcc is 20mins away with nothing to do there. cyber cafe's are a total waste of money. there's not basketball and not enuff legs for futsal. and i'm not in full gear to go library yet. i'm so dead with boredom (= =)

then there's a new lecturer for maths. and as far as i know, i don't fancy him too much. plus he's kinda boring. so here's wad we few did during lectures. (^^)v
yeap, playing cards to kill time. ahaha!!
him giving us the maths talk. zzz...

then there's shawn and sai kit's birthday we celebrated at McD. and with all those oily fried food there. i'm totally doomed. my face i mean. haha. need go do mask adi at night!!! this time, we bought both of them seperate cakes. the small little ones for individuals. we were planning to let them eat it but in the end, nah...so both got splat on their faces on the cake. it was awesome. we totally rocked McD with the whole place looking at us and the workers wondering how much mess we made with the cakes.

this was sai kit's cake. total flat on his forehead. awesome!!

life goes on tho. feeling kinda upbeat now but for reasons i dont know why. jus everyone i talk to or see is smiling at me, reminding me optimism, being cheerful and all. guess happiness is infectious to one another. but there's exam results coming out next week. the supposedly tense, nervous and shakey feelingh hasnt really kick into me yet and infact i'm dying to know now. least i would be able to plan ahead. plus "shorty" has been bugging me where i wanna go after graduating. rmit? monash? nottingham? bla bla bla...dont really matter now. what matters is graduating. then i'll find out if i wanna go or not. thats if i find a reason to stay here or not. i'm gonna leave that to some few very influential people to help me decide on it tho... =)

mummy dearest going taiwan tomorrow. worry if anything happens to her and hopefully she's gonna have a lotta fun there. then also do some shopping for dearest son here. haha. but i wonder, whats there to buy in taiwan? and is there anything special i can get in taiwan where malaysia cannot buy? decisions decisions.

tablets o tablets
why aren't thou made in a lovelier way?
sweeter and smaller
more appealing to its consumer
altho you are important
and nutritious
yet you don't look nor taste nice...@!#$%

2007-03-05T02:25:00.000+11:00

fidg·et
v. fidg·et·ed, fidg·et·ing, fidg·ets
v.intr.
1. To behave or move nervously or restlessly.
v.tr.
To cause to behave or move nervously or restlessly.
n.
1. A condition of restlessness as manifested by nervous movements. Often used in the plural with the.
2. One that fidgets.

[From obsolete and dialectal fidge, to move restlessly]

17 days. 408hours. 24480 minutes. 1468800 seconds. thats how long i was fidgeting. being so nervous. so restless bout everything. so indeisive of myself. i remembered telling kher lit to ask herself what she wants in her own life. maybe back then i should've asked myself what i want in my life instead. too late? some say better late than never. life goes on.

im just glad im on the right track now on what i need. it felt great to hear people telling me how i've been different now. to be able to stand firm on things i believe in. principles that i stood by. the self confidence i bring to the table. my speech and attitude. guess that's how God has changed me over the years. it's march now. 3rd month of the year. 2 has gone by and 10 more to go. time is passing by fast.

i got knocked by a revelation from Him. well, if it's not from Him it was from something. but im pretty sure it's Him. to be the man i was raised to be. it feels good. to wake up one morning and everything makes sense to me. to know wad i need to do. 15minutes with erin on msn. that was all i need. a lil talk with her. to tell her bout it and she being supportive. it meant alot to me. i wonder how many people can do it to me as i scroll down my phonebook.

vow
n.
1. An earnest promise to perform a specified act or behave in a certain manner, especially a solemn promise to live and act in accordance with the rules of a religious order: take the vows of a nun.
2. A declaration or assertion.

v., vowed, vow·ing, vows.

v.tr.
1. To promise solemnly; pledge. See synonyms at promise.
2.To make a pledge or threat to undertake: vowing revenge on their persecutors.

a person don't simply make vows just so he/she can break it. i made a vow and therefore i gotta fulfill it. guessed i overlook or forgotten my vow ever existed after 2 months into it. lousy me. but then i got a gentle reminder of keeping my vows therefore i'm keeping. May 23. i'm looking to you when the day comes. what kinda vow is it? only a handful know and it amuses me justin is laughing at me but jovy is kinda supporting me. stupid brother.

2007-03-01T03:54:00.000+11:00

its been a heck of a day today. filled with fun, pain, drowsy and so much more. but it couldnt be better to kick myself out of my misery shell state the past few days. started the day by facing the mirror and praying for self and speak positive things to myself. something i need to do more often. remembered that from some sermon i heard previously. ops...

woke up, showered, lunched and spent the whole afternoon in karamunsing complex doing facial treatment, massage and etc. 3hrs and it felt GOOD!!! except the part where the person "forked" out my blackheads which caused me so much pain and the long wait for the mask to finish its thingy on my face. but it felt good. its giving me the feeling of wanting to be a more metro person now and amazingly, mummy supports it. yay.

and it gets even better from there, mum bought me a new memory card for my phone. well, she insisted i pay with my own money but in the end she bought it for me. haha. finally i got wad i wanted after getting my n93 back then. im ready to snap the world at its barest moments now. (^^) went back home, showered and got ready to go dinner. 2 different aunties birthday. i used to hate these "adult" dinners but now im enjoying it more often since im beginning to be part of the community. well, theres alcohol and hottie there too. lol!!! so transparent of me.

this is my favourite dish of the night
its a slice of crispy chicken skin on top of a slice of mango on top of a
whole chunk of chicken salad with a thick piece of lettuce. mama mia!!!

aunt slyvia's cake - the award winning choc moist cake
aunt doris's cake - very de sweet butter peanut cake

bring me to the moon...

dinner was crazy. 10 dishes , 3 desserts, 2 cakes and lots of alcohol. amazing. i was like super bloated at the 9th dish but then came the 10th. summore got 3 desserts. omg!!! im not blackhole lo. mango pudding, coconut jelly and 1 more delicacy. sigh. why didnt i have a larger capacity?? it was like next best thing to heaven. lol. jk jk. sorry God. (>.<). biggest mistake of the night was my 4 1/2 cups of whisky. didnt plan to drive tonight so tot i could get a lil naughty but then end up aunt veronica request my mum let me drive away so it like too late. 4 cups down adi with 1 more left. sigh. bad bad kelvin. hahaha. seriously didnt feel that well when reach sutera harbour to walk walk with vec, jas, cyn and jamie. a lil dizzy jor. thankfully end up sober 100% now. (^^)v

but the day couldnt have been any better when i finally know my family. literally. 19 years 3 months and i never knew who my real dad and mum is. haha. not like their some secret agent spy or terrorist or working with the government but their real job, who they are really and everything behind the scenes. truly, i have a great family and it makes me proud when everytime ppl tell me my mum loves me lot cuz i know she does with the things she has done for me behind the scenes. jus something i wanna release here....i love my family. =)

2007-02-27T05:07:00.000+11:00

the past few entries has been depressing and full of emo which dont belong there. but you cant really blame me right since blogging is suppose to help me release how i feel deep inside, a place to rant bout the day that has been but still, guilty of over-reacting and over emotional. sucks but life goes on. so im deciding to "trim" off the last post and edit away the bad mojo parts. hey, im suppose to be cheerful and be a lil light and salt of the earth. lol.

just been much more cheerful today. tho the rain is still pouring heavily in the afternoon but i guess the tears has dropped its last one for a quite some time im predicting. the maternal instinct of a mother practically beats every single frown in my opinion. thats why i think my mum's the best friend i could have. guess i never knew my mum that well all this while considering i spend the last 19years screamin and argueing back. thankfull i drew a line after my 19th birthday and its time to set things right once and for all. so 3 months and on, everythings amazing with my mum. 2 thumbs up for myself there. =)

if memory serves me well, no one's complaint bout my "half-naked" photo except for "no.6" or kher lit to some who knows. since she's off the list. its time i get a new one instead. haha. i kinda like this one this time with me brushing my teeth and sowie if im being too "ss" with myself. a man's gotta do somethings to cheer himself up. so if u've got somethin to critic bout it, do feel free to debate on...muaks!!

a man was planning his 1st ever vacation on his own to 2 different locations - portugal and spain. he loves both countries very much due to their culture and food and not forgetting, people, beautiful people that is. being indecisive, he draws a list of comparison. in spain, he loves the hotel he stays because it has the best facilities and services. meanwhile in portugal, the hotel he would be staying in has the best dining experience and has a larger room ratio compared to the one in spain. so he's there stuck and wondering which of the 2 to decide. they're both good in the areas which mattered most to him. 2 different places with 2 different hotels. how would he decide? then came another factor. in spain, he has friends and some relatives staying there. in portugal, his best friend resides there and the prospect of a new job opportunity which he was landed recently where he can gain more information. so it becomes 3 different factors totally opposing each other. its like the best of both worlds. so how would the man decide?

its a story. a kinda story i like. a story which tells all im facing now. 2 places, 3 factors. each matters a lot. how to decide? lets find out together shall we?

2007-02-25T04:18:00.000+11:00

The night before mel left...

strawberry lollipop are nice to eat!!!

harry ho shows the professional's way to play pool...

while mel and ana had their share of pool too...

me? sitting crapping with teik kheng bout nonsense watchin them play...lazy bah...

The day mel left...

mel and family checkin in...

the rest of the photos? none were taken after this...
who wants to take photos with teary red eyes? everyone got sad and ironically
it rained like never before. whole week no rain today rain.
this is truly "tears from heaven". thanks God...

The night mel left...

went to youth since i was bored then followed by house crashing at jul's place

david(amber chia) + me + jess + alwin (alwina) tay
more like 3 girls and 1 guy...yucks!!!

vec + jul + jason + lo wen

jason + lo wen

me + jess
this girl can hit like mad...punya la main sakit dia pukul...

=PIC OF THE DAY=
who looks better? jason or rain in that pose
think we all know who the obvious winner is eh? (-__-)"

===================================================================

i wanna get drunk. to drink all the red wine i love so much and just get drunk after that. then do somethin stupid like confess i like someone while im drunk. then get a hangover for the next 48hours and get chopped by parents. who cares? least i wont remember much what happened the past 50hrs or so...but then i cant. no kaki to get drunk with cuz theres CHURCH ON SUNDAY MORNING!!! great...just great. still i cant do that. that isnt my way of getting out of my "emo sessions". where's erin when i need some comforting from her?? argh...

life is peachie. i finally decided what i want in my life. places i wanna go, people i wanna be with and the things i wanna do. it feels good tho to finally release all that accumulated tension inside. now just hoping everything will fall in place. if not, life will still be peachie. dont even know what im blogging now. i shouldnt be blogging even. mel just left and im pretty sad bout it but thank God He comforted me during worship just now. once again, life is peachie.

but then i was thinking, how do u know if ur falling heads over heels for another person?

i guess only others can tell u that... =/

been listening to "romeo & juliet" lately and its reli a nice song. this is the chorus part.

我愛妳
wo ai ni

妳是我的茱麗葉(卓:茱麗葉)
ni shi wo de Juliet (Zhuo: Juliet)

我願意變成妳的梁山伯
wo yuan yi bian cheng ni de liang san bo

合 (Together):

幸福的每一天
xing fu de mei yi tian

浪漫的每一夜
lang man de mei yi ye

卓 (Zhuo)

把愛不放開
ba ai bu fang kai

曹 (Gary):

因為Ｉ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ
yin wei I love you

卓 (Zhuo)
我愛你
wo ai ni

你是我的羅密歐(曹:羅密歐)
ni shi wo de Romeo (Cao:Romeo)

我願意變成你的祝英台
wo yuan yi bian cheng ni de zhu ying tai

合 (Together):

幸福的每一天
xing fu de mei yi tian

浪漫的每一夜
lang man de mei yi ye

美麗的愛情祝福著　未來
mei li de ai qing zhu fu zhe wei lai

has some cheesy lines but think of it its kinda nice and simply sweet in a different perspective. wonder if somethin like this can reli happen in the modern world today? wonder where's my juliet right now...busy doing something i suppose...

2007-02-23T04:33:00.000+11:00

this pair of size 6 bowling shoes looks absolutely amazing!!
its so colourful and imagine wearing that while bowling. gosh i would be embarrassed lor. too bad ana had to wear that while playing. man i missed that feeling so much and thankfully still hitting 100+ altho so long no bowl. after all, felt a resounding challenge from abraham from the 1st pin dropped till the end since he was tailing me closely. haha. wanna win me with that skill of urs? in ur face!!! hahaha.
i need to bowl more in kl man!!! need go for bowling kaki hunt again. argh...

my 700cc of apple juice after 10 long days.
i miss the drink blardy much!!!!
[P.S : 1000cc = 1000ml = 1litre ]

mel driving her LA611.
the last time im gonna it in her car for a long time and the
last time she'll send me home.
sigh...cannot go sutera harbour de beach to walk walk anymore.
mel im starting to miss u even now altho u technically not leavin yet.

2007-02-22T06:15:00.000+11:00

me & juliana in her pooh pajamas....
and i look like a monster....gotta make an appointment in the morning
to see a plastic surgeon (O_O)

bai nien at the chai sister's place
musn't sit in middle anymore since everyone crams around me and ruins my hair
ish...

today has been really fun actually. couldnt stop laughing especially when yam cha with ex-5A mates. james with his car maniac theories and speeding records, laine with her sarcasm, mel with the constant red face, yew with his straight-forwardness, evan with his humble genius cambridge mind and judy with her well, less hurtful and if theres another way to say it - nicer self. last and not least, me with the victim of the night role. guess too long with them all made me practically immune to any other insult anyone else can throw at my face. haha. seems like going to all saints was the best move instead of flunking myself into tsung tsin back then. worst part is fiona fong fei kei. tomorrow go yew's place cari her lepas geram. but then seeing abraham pulak. the "unwanted" guy amongst...

WHY MUST HE KNOW OUR PLANS TOMORROW!!!!!

celaka babi sial. lost count how many times i used the babi word today. anyway jus gonna feel awkward seeing him tomorrow in yew's place. mel's ex anyway and the least fav guy in the whole class. its not like i reli have a problem with him going, just that mel and fiona don't want him there. i gotta pick a side in this situation right? they 2 are after all my ji mui's. sigh...i just love playing the bad guy role. hahahaha....

results coming out soon!!!

to be honest dont feel super nervous or tensed bout it this time. dont know why but if memory served me well, i was like shaking badly prior to taking my results. this time much more calmer. prolly the confidence i rolled in thruout the exam period. oh well. too late to do anything now but commit unto Him bout the whole thing and have faith all will be well in the end

hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is the substance of things hope for, the evidence of things not seen"

AMEN!!!!

2007-02-20T22:41:00.000+11:00

first there was

then there was

so end up my face becomes

thats how i look like today. total "nyok" with eyes half opened.

been doing some hard thinking today and jus couldnt decide where again. then came mum who gave a lil nudge on which to pick. gave me that comforting talk on my future. made me felt better but still cried in the shower. i also dunno why i should be crying. its not like i got dumped by a girl or someone passed away. and if i remembered clearly, i didnt even shed or tear or felt remorse when i dumped her back then. what a sucker i was. anyway jus have this feeling of insecurity again over my future. one that janice told me to just fully rely on God cuz if i were to go where He wants me to go, i would grow the most there. sigh. decisions decisions. least i get to prolong my deadline to give ans answer since my results will only be released much later than expected. maybe i should take half a year off. that's what janice advised me to do. go and join some program or camp or ministry or whatever that would build up myself. to listen to God's voice much better. to know His will in my life. to just answer so many things i needed to know. then i t would've given me the peace to go on knowing i have Him to guide me over my walks. even mummy guessing that i wanna take some time off to work or do something else before i proceed. i havent stop yet since form 5. and its been tiring for a student. never had the luxury of months of holidays not even a full month. think prolly thats why i look older than my age. =/

and amazingly i finally fong fei kei today. decided to last minute pull out to go out pai nien. seriously la. with that kinda face wanna go out? ghost see also freak out till die again. also was still tired and muscles aching from futsal last nite where anthony fong fei kei us all. sigh. sendiri organise sendiri tak datang. what is he thinking i wonder. which girl he kept staring in the eys till he forgot the time. but then later going to coffee bean for ruth's farewell so gotta look good. hair looks nice tonight tho so prolly a sign i should go out and for the moment, forget bout the whole thing and just have some good ol laughs and fun time with them all.

cant remember when i snapped this...

i miss the stars i used to stare when i was younger
when the world was unknown to me
with my aunt, my 2 cents worth and the child in me

i miss the seaside i used to play with
when i wouldnt care what the world thinks
there was just me, people and the salty water

i miss the hand i used to hold by
where i felt the warmth of another person
and where i know i was alive

most of all, i miss my aunt
11 months gone by and i still miss u
how u would care for me each day
how u would make me my favourite meal
and till now i dont understand why they dont tell me ur leaving me
i hated them for it...
wish u were still here
my place of comfort each time.
i miss u...
amazing thing is i cant even find a single photo of me and u together
what a niece i've been all these years
i wont have the chance to do it now again...
ever

2007-02-19T21:33:00.000+11:00

being the thorn among the roses

(mel, laine, ana, myself)

the trio minus the "thorn" (^.^)

my half cup of unfinished good wine..gave me the minor headaches for 3 cups in 10mins

2 1/2 bored kids
(johny boy, my bro luiz & the 1/2 kid me)

me and vivian ( the hottie ) ... but sayang she cut her hair short
a "lil lesser" pretty. lolz...

me & mummy dearest (^^)

"potatoes" acting cute - vec and jason

ruth, me and joanne. miss the 2 "aussies" very muchie...

everyone goes "cute season" (=.=)"

the monkeys and apes that went "pai nien" today - joanne's crib

laine finished the toppings of the pizza and forced me to eat this.
so bad of her...sudahlah looks so disgusting and no toppings, still wanna
paksa me eat ... !@#$%^&*&^

ice-cream at vedablu with ana and mel. im the one
without coloured nails. mummy don let. (>.<)

having nightmares the past 2 nights bout 2nd major issue atm. kills me a lil each night i sleep and wake up in sweat knowing i just dreamt something bad. still, maybe this is a sign from God or the attack of the devil bout it. hmm. guess only time will tell with lotsa prayers in it.

ang pao tally so far is kinda satisfying but knowing that all of it is going to fulfill my building pledge isnt really fun. still im not complaining. a promise is promise. fulfill it 1st and believe the blessings will fall in shortly. haha. so far been pretty blessed with new expensive clothes from mummy which reli came in a suprise for me. think the cream of the crop would be the excellent i had so far with my parents. zero scolding nor arguing with nothing but love and tenderness. particularly with dad. lol. guess my breakthru is this area of my life has finally arrived.

wanna blog out of the heart but the time does not persist so i guess i gotta stop for now. isi hati paling sukar diatasi, difahami and diberitahu bagi setiap insan. thankfully i got an opening to talk to janice today during pai nien. guess i forgot to refer back to the one wise person whom i first know. lol. she's my youth leader anyway. hmm...off to aunts place then laine's place then futsal with anthony who's leavin tomorrow to kl again. less 1 kaki yam cha jor now. argh....

2007-02-17T04:35:00.000+11:00

green tortoise "ridin" blue tortoise. the bad & naughty twin tortoise of lo wen and me getting bored in burger king while catching up with friends...

town was like freaking jam today so thankfully didnt go downtown to pasar malam like planned. coming to think of it, what can we do in a pasar malam on the night before eve of cny? its not like those pasar malam in kl where theres lotsa food and cheap dvd's but more like selling stuffs for cny. i dont own a house so i definitely don need deco's nor i got enuff cash to buy boxes of mandarin orange. thank God i decided to revoke the plan to go downtown tonight.

13 days. thats how i have left to decide my future. and i just got a reminder from lo wen and jason bout it again. this sucks. cant think straight and being freakingly indecisive now for once in 19years. got a lil help from "assistant" to decide where i wanna go and how i wanna do it but then can things really be that simple in life? all this while i learn that nothing is as simple as it seems. theres always a larger picture behind everything. all the more i dont wanna regret when i finally picked one. but then think if there's another person in the world who understands me, it would be robert frost since he wrote this piece back in 1920...

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Godsped i pray...

2007-02-16T03:23:00.000+11:00

embarking on the 1st step of getting self in shape and getting back my long lost stamina. after all, i ran in track & field every year in sec skol. must fully use my good long legs. today got improvement. 6mins non stop at top speed. better than yesterdays 3. need go all the way till 10 then only reach standard. grrr. God, i love the treadmill most...

vec runnin, ant sleepin and me snappin...

then in the evening went to watch movie - twins mission. missed the first 15mins due to sloppiness of me at home and slow kancil on the roads along the way. so typical sabahan to drive slow with small cars. MOVE!!!! anyway it was a lousy movie. only good thing is the actress was hot. start with J de. dono wad name. woo woo...but then overall a waste of rm6 and lots of petrol. !@#$%^&*(
later went to McD to makan-makan and snapped ourselves in the midst of boredom while waiting the nuggets to arrive.

me, ana, mel n yew

finger stars...

me & ana's dinner + supper

kk's one and only mcdonald drive thru. that also being in an area farthest from me. what a rip off of my petrol. -_-

a well fed person always smiles broadly...

yew's forehead looks so bright. like the sun at night...hahaha

then the sun dimmed when night approaches...

2 hungry slaves

overall today for once im tired. been out every night and today was the worst. must be the gym in the afternoon. vec and ant was like half dead already. haha. now im pretty beat up. driving also so tiring being the chaffeur for those 2. and i nearly wham thru a avanza at the roundabout. lately lack of concentration due to lack of sleep. tomorrow need be good boy stay at home.

right now feeling crappy over where to go to further my studies. worst part is time is running out for me to decide. wanna stay in malaysia? go melbourne? or go uk with my bro? so many factors contributing to it that i cant think right anymore. right now im at the brink of crying to just think bout it. kl to save on living expenses and closer to family and church and certain friends. melbourne for the experience and close close friends and better quality of edcation. uk to be with my bro, footie and experience also. but at a higher price. this sucks. dont wanna think anymore!!!!!

2007-02-15T06:40:00.000+11:00

you know, almost every blog or friendster profile or msn display pic, there is ALWAYS one picture in this pose. so after months and months and prolly years of struggling, i took one myself. like they say, "if you cant beat 'em, JOIN 'em."

the secret recipe in kk really sucks. menu's missing some key items and the food taste half the good in kl. take my fish n chips for example. standard fries with brown crispy fish. smaller in size and minus the crispiness in the skin. the only satisfying part is the tartar sauce. that also prolly taste like the ones bought in a supermarket.

DISAPPOINTING!!!

even mel's chicken chop doesnt look very appealing to me. and the rice sure sucked.

and yew's kebab looks more like super toasted burnt meatballs on a stick to me than "kebab"

totally reserved... =/

went home at 3plus and im kinda tired. been out dribing all night even tho not my own car. realise that prado is not fun to drive. so freaking huge. even my crv is big also not THAT big compared. geez. for once, really once, going out vec, ant and jason got more girls than guys. lol. usually the girls not back or parents tak bagi keluar but this time totally outnumbered. musta been some change of fortunes in the wind direction lately. ruth still looks fine, andrea slimmed, jamie the same and bla bla bla...guess not many ppl really really change physically this time.

and if ur planning to see epic movie. i beg you, PLEASE DON'T!!! its a waste of money, a mock to the women, an insult to other movies and a full of lame conversations. not to mention filled with disgusting scenes like a fat girl having sex with someone, a man kissing and playing tongues with a BEAVER and of course, the fat man running topless with his "chest" flapping in s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n where his nipples look so @#$%^&*. i cant even think of it. makes me sick. all 10 of us were like screaming oh!! Ahh!!! shit!!! damn!! gross!! crap!!! omg!! etc etc etc for the whole 1hr 10mins. man, im not gonna watch it again!!!

btw, V-day is indeed a special day.
special day for marketing purposes where ppl make
10 times the money or at least more then usual and
you dont even know it if ur blinded by love. hey, anyday
can be V-day if you want to. you don't need feb 14 to show
you like someone or say "i love u" to someone. its all bout u
and her. suprise the girl anytime. it brings more of and effect
than to buy her stuffs or ask her out on that day itself cuz
he/she would've been EXPECTING IT!!! but then who
needs it now. V-day's over!!

so happy belated valentine's day peeps!!!
toodles~

2007-02-13T00:11:00.000+11:00

Love must be learnt, and learned again and again;

There is no end to it.
Hate needs no instruction, but wants only to be provoked

- Katherine Anne Porter-

I'm not interested of the past
I'm only interested in the possibilities of the future
- Anonymous -

lee choo must've been too happy we got her her vege's which the females went crazee over

nothing beats the satisfaction of having a full cooked big sized hot fishball in your watering mouth

when you see a pot with this much left, don't play games with someone else where the loser eats half the pot. it AINT FUN!!! (-_-)

itchy fingers jessica trying to perform an illegal toast before anyone else

tea-time in the terminal minus the tea and shortbread

one crazy bunch reunited again...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

kinda tired now from long hours of driving today since morning. took my photos to renew my license and then joined the jam while picking fiona off work and having mel tag along in it. been tiring but was worth it. had lotsa fun on the road and well, did some crazee stuffs on the road along the way. no harm done thankfully. amen amen amen. now hanging here thinking...should i go out again??!! pretty broke anyway so guess not...

missing the noise and the air i breathe in kl right now. how the janitors in my condo would argue each morning tamil bout whose task not done yet or the dog in 7 or 8th floor barking at the kid selling nasi lemak door to door. or perhaps some noisy neighbour who can't get enough of talking day and night loudly. the smell of my bed is different. dont have that "lazy college student who doesnt tidy his bed as often as he should smell" that kind. haha.

met jaclyn victor in the terminal in kk which then i only realised that she was on the same flight as me. kewl. wanted to ask her for a picture together but then no one was doing it so felt kinda paiseh. but then i was being too chicken anyway cuz all the while she was standing next to me in the immigration department and i didnt noticed!!! argh!!! stoo-pid kelvin...anyway the biggest suprise was that no teenagers or students or those of my age went to approach her. instead it was the aunties or elder generation who took pics with her and chatted with her. hmm...somethings gone a screw here. past is past....moving on...

more boring days ahead now with V-day looming round the corner. what am i gonna do? what are you gonna do? toodles!!~

chick fit

2007-02-10T15:51:00.000+11:00

haven't been eating well the past week,
nothing seems to fit into my stomach,
my minds going in circles bout it,
yet there's not a slightest thing i can do,
if i could choose i would tell,
and if i ran out of courage,
i'll jus run away,
far away where you can't find me nor see me
but that's not me,
not what i was taught nor raised to do,
God help please,
in anyway possible,
fix it that the paths may be straight,
or least get it out of my head,
i don't know how long i can bear with this anymore,
thinking of it now makes me weak,
vulnerable, indecisive or lost,
i didn't ask for it, it just breathes in me!
you leave me speechless,
doing things i never knew i would do...
maybe you're God sent?
i pray so...

2007-02-10T05:58:00.000+11:00

can someone tell me the meaning of the word : TOODLES ?
it seems i entered into a diff youth generation where english
is foreign to me and im too old to conceive it now O_O

correct me if im wrong but to me, i personally think for everything you do, you gotta be inspired by something to do it. if not, it wouldnt bring much joy nor satisfaction to you cuz you know you did it for the sake of doing it. but come to think of it. where do we draw our inspirations from? a painter got his from the things he/she sees in the world. an athlete gets inspired from a legend. me, a teacher gets inspired from a hardworking student who strives for better grades. how bout you? where do u get inspired from?

as christians we rely on God for something. he is after all, the provider of everything. He makes everything from the greens in the fields to the blue in the skies and the breathing in the sea. but it would be too cliche to say we draw inspiration directly from Him right? unless He speaks to you or shows u a vision. but usually we jus draw from things we see or hear or maybe experience. hey no offence or anything, but at times, its better to be specific in things u see or hear. just know at the end of the day, thank Him for bringing it upon this blue earth.

so i ask you, what drives you? what motivates you thru each day?

saying God won't be a pretty bad answer tho... =)

P.S: if i said somethin wrong here, by all means kick my butt and tell me. but then do know one thing, i still love Him and rely on Him for everything =) cheers!~

2007-02-09T03:00:00.000+11:00

went jalan-jalan One U today with fan cheong, shy girl and assistant. lol. they're real name we conceal it here la. as we went to the 1st shop ( baleno i think ), saw this dress on display. cant reli remember where i saw it before or who wore it but it left me staring at it. man, there was something with that dress that kept me staring.

this is seriously the most healthy rice meal i've ever seen and tasted. even porridge at some point taste much better. no offence to the person who ordered it but...look at the amount of green and orange in it. @_@" hahaha

milk tea kept cold in the original way...something you cant in kk. sigh...

my ice lemon green tea with added sugar. it was sweet enuff ady initially. but then when tambah sugar...the power of the lemon keluar berabis...!@#$%^

finally cut my hair and am very happy bout it. so to "YOU", thanks and appreciate it loads. baskin robbins when i come back oh...

the valentine's setting in one u. so nice. wish i had a date to walk down that bridge together. would've been a special moment. lol.

kinda dry on words now....blog longer besok. partly no mood now cuz going back this weekend. sigh....

2007-02-07T03:54:00.000+11:00

this is my examination slip. my own zippo ran outta gas so i cant burn it and yet im scared to use the fire from the stove >.<

anyhow, exams
are
officially
O-V-E-R!!!!

im suppose to be happy now bout that right? i know everyone else is. was singing that balik kampung song with everyone else jus now after we "monkeys" were released from the hall. right now, kinda weird. its like i never even had exams but i was just rottin each day in kl. so meaningless....boring!! i always tell ppl to get a hobby, now i guess its my turn to get one. all the more, beavis and butthead abandoned me last week so no one to play with me. cant teach the wabbits music, art, sports, maths and so on. sigh. i miss the 2 wabbits

LOST

IF FOUND PLEASE CALL KELVIN AT
016 - 8315351
REWARD GIVEN FOR ANY
INFORMATION REGARDING
THE LOST RABBIT(S)

where'd you go?
i miss you so
seems like it's been forever
since you've been gone
pls come back home...

2007-02-06T02:48:00.000+11:00

please please please, enough photos of me....

purposely woke up at 6.30am to take this pic. its the mrr2 high way tho u cant reli tell it...

got a suprised call from cynthia in the evening. thank God her surgery went well and is gonna go thru rehab this week then followed by physio. poor thing is she still gotta take morphine like every 5 minutes or when the drug subsides. but then she could still find space to laugh with me thru the pain and tells me of her new new found relationship with a new guy. happy for her tho she's got such a darling to take care of her in the hospital bed but then deep down a lil envy. haha.

2007-02-04T17:55:00.000+11:00

If you have never seen the sun at night before, its this bright =)

dont really feel like blogging now but just had the urge to let some things off my chest. just wanna be in the right attitude for the rest of the day and study. 2 more days till everythings over and life goes on like normal again with some much needed freedom and rest. and to jus recap abit bout the past 7 days is nothing more than everyday lil miracles.

being sick on sunday gave me less time to study for wed's paper. monday had english which is well, don't require any memorising or theories so it was okay. tuesday was down again being overslept and fever came back stronger but still i manage to go prayer meeting and it was really awesome. thank God i went. wed was "de paper" and well, did what i could and things went okay. went back home sicker again and at night still dragged my feet to cell outing. hmm...the power of persistence from cell leader & members =). thursday was normal and friday was GMB. thankfully i went and had a blast of time. but in the process got discouraged by own cell members who prioritised things of the world before God. its REALLY frustrating to hear from them directly telling me their own lil agenda much bigger than God. anyhow GMB was amazing altho it was 90% like the previos year but don't matter, they rocked!

I've lost count how many attempts i made to get 1 decent one :/

That's what you get when you're not looking at the camera while taking picture with her

And as for this, i've got nothing to say...

well, that was friday. and as for saturday, it's nothing but tiring but for a good cause. proud to say i didnt cheat in my exams on sat morning although friends was barraging me with answers but did it on my own 100% praise God. and it feels amazing to have adrenaline rush through you the whole night although i slept for 3 hours only and didn't eat for 15hours straight. ok i'm complaining now but i can right? i'm already tall, yet so skinny. not good!!! it's like a disadvantage to girls cuz being tall is a good thing but without meat, it all amounts to nothing. no shoulder to cry on except bones. fine...i'll find mummy to beef me up.

P.S : it still s**ks that i cant unleash everything here!!! ^(-.-)^

2007-02-02T01:04:00.000+11:00

bought this cute little thingy in on sunday for fun but i just realised, ever since i got this lil toy ive been on and off sick. so was wondering, is there anything to do with this green fella? the toy represents luck and to sweep off any bad luck. hmmm...good thing is...found out other ppl too is sick now with me. yay!!

2007-02-01T16:38:00.000+11:00

i wonder...a blog is suppose to be a place for u to rant all u want for free and its suppose to be personal. but the fact that its on the net makes it public whether u like it or not. and worst part is if u wanna blog something really personal but ur scared if someone else u dont trust reads it acidentally or purposely in some cases and boom!! there goes all ur deepest darkest secrets. in that case we should blog it somewhere else right? someone secluded and private without anyone knowing. but that would just clash with the purpose of an online blog. so the big Q is, should a person blog on the net bout everything they wanna release or just keep the major juicy bits inside their heart and shape it into a round ball and release it big time when we run out of space. jus thinking bout that cuz lately theres a lotta stuffs i wanna release here but jus worry if the wrong person sees it.

G-R-E-A-T

someone told me lately this. when good things are starting to happen, more good things will follow up. but then last week someone else told me when good things starts to happen to one part in ur life, the devil strikes back in either another angle or another issue. experience the both of them but its the 2nd statement that bothers me. why so?

cuz right now, i got stabbed right at the front from a good friend of mine. the thing is, he realise what he's doing and he's still doing it. isnt that amazing? when i heard it from him i tell u i was like totally fired up instead of being sick in bed. thought of slamming my mouse into the wall or something like that but thankfully i didnt. he is kinda doing the right thing for me now but its kinda hard to swallow it atm.

it always amazes me why leaders are called leaders. becuz they are wiser and have better advices in tough times and definitely more experienced. obviously, strong in their faith. so thats wad i kinda feel bout a leader. when he/she tells u how to do it, u jus keep on saying yes and say that u understand wad u need to do. problem is, u wont really know what to do or how to deal with it when wad u need to do is happening without u doing anything. kinda wad im feeling now. its happening and its tough to deal with it.

i know i cant put on a mask a smile bout it cuz i would only lie to myself so i should have a better chance if i deal with it. maybe thats what ive been doing wrong all this while, get so soaked up in emotions that i cant do the rational thing. im not being eyes wide open now. i cant see the bigger picture. i cant understand it. but that isnt gonna happen anymore....i like to call it this way, its time to face my own demons. kick their bad butts along the way too.

now i feel much better...

blogging always cheers me up. it used to be bowling and chocolates. since i cant bowl in kl and being sick means no chocolates so im left with blogging. Thats one good thing to be happy over today...hopefully more to come...

2007-01-31T02:35:00.000+11:00

i wanna blog but dono what to blog about. i was so inspired to blog jus now during prayer meeting but now its all gone. gone like the wind. anyhow prayer meeting went well. glad i did go there instead of lazing around at home "trying" to study. 1st prayer meeting of the church and surely it was power packed!! man it was awesome...

wanna give an early shoutout to soon-to-be birthday girl doreen from my cell group in 20mins time. wishing u a great birthday this year with lots of love and blessings. dont date too much besok ohh....

lotsa things flowing thru my head now. there's bible study with jason coming up so i gotta prepare myself to be able to teach him. prob is he's a friend of mine so theres lotsa speculation that im not qualified to teach him. but then again i feel that this is a challenge for me. to be serious with God and to teach someone else don care fren or not. hopefully it'll go on well without causing any harm to the friendship since there might be a problem of teacheability.

then theres issues i need to talk with lee choo about. didnt expect it from her but seems like words got to her pretty fast. not saying members of the setapak cell is not trustworthy but after all, she is my leader and i should've been more accountable to her in the 1st place. seems like i only invited trouble on my door step. thankfully may shen advised me bout it. maybe it wont be that bad as i predicted tho. God, lead the way this time please...

5 credit hour paper is tomorrow morning!! woop pee dee...looking forward to it tho contrast to last week. studied bout it the past few days and it seems kinda easy or "okay" can do that kind when i did the tutorials but dont know how real is that when i actually sit for it. maybe im being confident now or maybe because im soo not prepared i cant even worry over it. haha...

2007-01-29T01:41:00.000+11:00

they say behind every successful man there lies a strong woman. im not married so cant be a judge of that but if there's a teenager's version to it, it should sound like behind every gentleman there is a bunch of supporting female friends. something like that i suppose...so thanks again girls for the support. u know who u are...

2 papers down with 5 more to go. this weeks definitely gonna be crazy. really crazy
monday - english paper
tuesday - prayer meeting
wednesday - my nightmare paper
thursday - only free day
friday - cg outing + gmb concert
saturday - 2nd nightmare paper + serving
sunday - church

woop pee dee...with only thursday as free day, this is gonna be faith stretching. each week get stretch even more. hopefully when the year end adi my physical also stretch another 10cm. i feel short now....hahaha. i know some ppl will kill me when they read this. peace peace (^.^)v

2007-01-26T03:29:00.000+11:00

exam starts

maths went superb...thank God i did

feeling hungry the whole and i want PIZZA
(hawaiian pizza that is)

next paper is saturday, wait...SATURDAY??

if i found out the person who made that timetable, he/she is dead

im broke finally after 3 months...haha...and it feels good to be poor

therefore im open to donations. minimum 50cents. TQ!!

i love the exam period, feels stress and tired yet fun when doing the paper :)

W20 again

2007-01-25T02:37:00.000+11:00

to doreen & may shen & stella & see mei
, thanks for the pillar of support
and comfort - really appreciate it girls...
*muaks*

cell has finally multiplied after long weeks of anticipating and astoundingly, im still in the same cell after 2 multiplications. seems like theres something i have yet to fulfill in this cell group. felt that this time for sure i was gonna change to raymonds or may shen's cell but it didnt happen. i'm sure God has a reason for everything thats in front of me. having mixed feeling now in the past-multiplication time. whats more is tomorrow exam begins with maths as my 1st paper.

right timing? - only He knows...

i know i did study for the paper tomorrow, somehow i lack the confidence. not the confidence of not being able to write down or solve it. talking bout the confidence that comes from the support of friends and family. for sure i know i have the whole cell behind me, somehow i wish my family would take in much more concern in this. terence is busy saving lives in the surgery room or prescribing medicine, justin's busy playing ps2 or smoking, luiz - forget bout him. dad calls time to time, but not mum...wish mum was here to comfort me. ever since ah ma passed away its been different. lack the maternal support.

God why me?
why now?

its always much better after blogging. if i cant talk it out, least i got somewhere to grunt on. i love the fella who created this idea.

anyway. . .

9 hours till exam starts and im still wandering around - not wondering
argh!!!!

2007-01-24T01:08:00.000+11:00

i wanna run a thousand miles
i wanna sleep 36hours non-stop
i wanna scream my lungs out on top of the hill
i wanna throw a hundred dollar bill away
i wanna kneel
i wanna punch someone
i wanna pin someone on the floor
i wanna sing a song out of tune
i wanna climb up the tree
i wanna fall down from the tree
i wanna drown (again)
i wanna work in the bank and rob all the money
i wanna meet osama and talk to him
i wanna hug someone tightly
i wanna hold someones hand and walk in the beach
i wanna see desperate housewives marathon
i wanna get 4.0 in my exams
.
.
.
.
what else do i want?
what do i really need?
ha. . . .

i need more of Him now in my life...

mix fortunes

2007-01-22T05:09:00.000+11:00

cant reli sum up how today has been. if i could draw it it would look like a sin graph with ups and downs at every interval point. think thats the best way to describe how sunday has been. church was fantastic today seeing pastor back with the final installment in his sermon and it was really a good one. 8 foundations of life, hmm, prolly ill need to start looking more detail into this after my exam. And also to start doing the purpose drive life - AGAIN. Jason's got that book as his birthday gift, probably we can start together. Anyhow, today had lots of fun with cell as usual. Celebrated Jason's birthday officially alhtough we were 2 days late - who cares? janji ada cake - and the cake was seriously good. Imagine, mango cake that smells so good and taste even better but then still cant beat that strawberry paviova pastor showed. (= =)" God, that strawberry looked so juicy!!

P.S : sorry Jason, that part touched the cardboard so i "had" to eat it >.< the 2 fingers are mine while kelly looks blurry cuz she ran in while i snap. cheers~
There is suppose to be one with me inside but the "photographer" dunno use n93 so no pic.
In censorship - *@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#!!!!*

Here was something that amused me yesterday and got me thinking. If i ever thought i was not attractive then boy was i wrong. It was just that i've been attracting the wrong species all the while.

I've never particularly liked animals and especially scared/dislike/goosebumps over anything bigger than the length of my arm. Some of u prolly know why. But then i dont really fancy cats also besides Garfield - wish he was real!!! - and never played with them before but this one, this particular white roundy cute one came over me while i was waiting for doreen. It made 2 rounds of me sorta like to inspect me 0_O and then sat right in front of me. Later even worse. totally sleep on me. (-_-). Something is definitely wrong with me yesterday.

Exam starts in 4 days time and im still in the midst of preparing. Seems that im destined to do well if my heart really desires it. The stress clouding my head seems to have fade suddenly and now im kinda feeling upbeat bout it. Must be something to do with me going to church this morning and was in awe of God's presence that He lifted my burdens away w/o me knowing. Funny thing was i received a vision from God. Not really a vision but it first came from a word. I wass reminded of a snake. A snake at each seasons grows a new skin and comes out from its predecessor. I felt i was reminded it was my time to shed my skin once again and move into a fresh start once more this time. It was like my skin has been damaged here and there through the past few months that God is in control and He is here to take it away and restore me to my prime. I was really in awe of it. Truly amazing of Him.

exercise!!!

2007-01-20T00:40:00.000+11:00

today is a special day for a good friend of mine since it is after all, his birthday. this is how my friend looks like. :)

he looks a bit funny right? haha. Anyway, happy birthday jason tham!! this year being 20 means more responsibility and your older and hopefully wiser. Still, i dont understand why you're one part indonesian. It seems the only thing that connects you to indon is your skin colour. (= =)". Anyway, God bless and have a fruitfull year ahead of you this year.

====================================================

done with intro...

finally had the chance to chat with erin after what seems to be so long. miss her kicking my butt each time i talk to her bout my relationship or raging hormones problems. wonder if i could another like her if i ever go overseas or anything unforseen happens...

someone wise told me this today. ceilings are like a bar in your life. when you almost touch the ceiling, break it and build a higher one. i felt that im being challenged by God now to go another level higher in my life. we're not meant to be in our comfort zone forever. not to say being in comfort zone is bad but its good. after all, God wants the best for us. however i feel its not my time yet. and the past 2 nights i could recall clearly what kinda christian i was previously. a name-tag one that is who seems holy on weekends in service but when im at school or at home or playing tennis, im just the ordinary bad-ass kid a teenager can be. cant say im too proud of it but i DID have a great time then with james, evan and so forth. but its maturity that has brought me to where i am now. who am i. what im doing. and as i was chatting with erin i got reminded bout the book - purpose driven life. feel that i gotta read it one more time and this time, DO IT!!!

was thinking in the shower earlier, would doing push ups and sit ups daily as part of a new physical approach regime help build my small lil stick body frame? i fear that i finally realise ( after the long winding years ) that im seriously thin. for a guy that is. no wonder fail to tackle a girl la cuz im so thin. yeeeeeeee!!!!

being indecisive

2007-01-19T04:49:00.000+11:00

they say a picture speaks a thousand words and i guess they really mean what. life has been good past few weeks with things everywheregoing smoothly.

*the "bookies" is doing well with the new members

*cell has been more and more fun with each week

*semester is ending today but there's still exam to face

*get to go back kk in few weeks time

*doing well financially altho i lost money previously

and justin conned me rm40

well to put it in short - life's good :)

i mean why not? i've go God with me - so cliche -_-

exams next week and tbh, the amount of stress is starting to pile up on me. 6 days till maths paper and the night before that is multiplication. gosh. its the same thing as emerge last year but this time theres just a stir in my stomach bout something different in the attitude im preparing myself for exam this semester. no brags but its the toughest and major semester in my diploma year so bad or good it falls on this exam. hahaha. gonna need lots and lots of prayer to overcome this semester. feel that im lacking SERIOUSNESS in my life now. bla bla bla...

goodie day~

2007-01-08T03:16:00.000+11:00

wahahhahahahahahahaha....i can feel kylie minogue's song - i cant get you outta my head - is playing round and round in my head @@. all thans to doreen and stella for rminding me bout cheryl the entire afternoon. God, shes pretty i have to admit. with that sweet smile, long brown hair, pointy nose and slim figure-she is a lil too thin tho but still non-aneroxic material. plus, she's the prettiest in the cell also. haha. its like theres just this new adrenaline rush i have in my head and flowing all over my body each time i see her or talk to her. but then dont have the guts to ask her for her msn o number. geez...why must God make some man a coward? haha...too bad now is not reli a good time to think about it.exams in 2 weeks and ive got more serious things to settle.

but looking on the bright side, quite some good things are happening. for starters erin's not going back but i haven been talking to her lately. weekdays im in college and weekends shes busy with choir.hmm. im promoted to shift leader and im reli feeling wad angeline was feeling back then. the stress, fun and work in the package. man tats something i need to embark on. then things a going great with mum and lee choo. didnt know i could click with her and we could talk in msn bout things altho im still a lil nervous when chatting with her. time can only make things better i suppose. guess when things are startin to happen around me i should be "upgrading" myself to "adapt".

i was thinking the other day...for a women to cure sadness or depression, they have
-Chocolates
-Shopping spree!!!
-Soft toys
-Gal pals
-Fancy dinner in somewhere really expensive
-go island/travel

what about man?
-beer and getting drunk
-buying expensive electronic gadgets
-play/see a ball game

i got stuck here for men but so far this 3 is kinda hard to fulfill or it wont do any good. getting drunk gives me 2 days tops of hangover. buying will puncture a hole in the credit card while seeing a game for example would cost a lotta money. we're talking live english football matches for example. its like tough being a guy sometimes. except the fact we dont spend 1hr preparing ourselves. (some man are developing so. i take 45mins average)

multiplying

2007-01-04T00:58:00.000+11:00

its that time again where we usher ourselves into a whole new year. 2006 has gone and here comes 2007 at our feet. kinda upbeat bout this year tho since i finally hit the big 20. haha. remembere there was a sermon preached by pastor bout ending the year on a high instead of takg a break so that we can start the new year without wasting time to pick ourselves from a rested state. something like that la. think it was last years sermon. haha. i seriously felt i ended on a high tho in 2006 learning so many things in ministry, bonding better in cell group that w're gonna multiply in 2 weeks time. awesome!! and along the way got blessed abundantly. nov and december was some faith stretching month i experienced. gosh...things are just happening since i joined this church!!

recently got blessed with an ipod nano from mum. so happy she bought me one. now its music everywhre i go and i actually have a proper music player apart from using my own phone as a music player. yeah. its so thin and nice that im scared i would break it into half accidentally myself one day >.< . then got a new phone too from bro. the long awaited nokia n93. its like so huge and may shen says it looks like a shaver. thanks~ haha. pretty much happy i have everything i wanted and now i guess i can start spending money to shop shop shop!! CNY is next month so gotta look good when i go back kk.

exams in 3 weeks or so time. feeling a lil stressed and worried if i wont be able to do it this time. but then i realise i like to doubt or fret over small things. hmm thats bad. but then its gonna be another tough season of exam-ming again. 7 papers this time thanks to a resit paper which i still cant overcome previously!! argh...

cell was great jus now. 1st cg of the year and it was good to meet again. today got new member cheryl. kinda pretty and just 19. haha!!! so fast aim ppl liao..wad is this -_- . but then now cg's gonna be different cuz gonna start collecting offering and paying for the van. challenging times are ahea this year thats why the theme for this year is faith and courage. gotta cultivate this in the cell for breakthru's to happen. ill be challenged greatly too tho since there will be so many things thats gonna require my commitment. hopefully im up to the task.

gonna end here for now. gotta do quiet time and study....

season of joy

2006-12-25T07:07:00.000+11:00

today is christmas and its indeed a very special day for all Christians. it is after all the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus. It's been truly a blessed xmas so far cuz i've truly been blessed with so many gifts and friends. Didnt have the xmas spirit few days ago but it all changed this morning. There was just something different i could feel and indeed its been a great day so far. Probably my best xmas yet - without a xmas tree of my own. Haha. Of all the things i get i got - in this case getting since its on its way to kl now - from my mum. Something ive been wanting to own for sometime now and finally it came true. Wee...wonder what colour mum bought for me.

It wasnt just the gifts that cheered me but also the friends who greeted me and accompanied me. Felt that im remembered and it means a lot to me to have friends around you for christmas. I thought i would be spending xmas alone this year since so many ppl is not here or gone and i didnt have any close friends who stayed here this time but the unlikeliest people i expected accompanied me and i felt happy indeed. And not to mention friends back in KK taking turns to call me to talk. Then people kept asking me to go out to countdown but i turned them down. Didnt like crowds during countdown cuz it can really go all crazy and i might get lost in the crowd. Haha. Sorry guys, perhaps next year or during new year's eve countdown ill com by. Didnt do much too as i stayed home. Sleeping and chatting was the main agenda and i totally did not study today. Haha. funny when i wanted to do it im not allowed. Felt that God wanted me to just take the day off today and relax. It's xmas eve. Enjoy the day right?

There's 4 more weeks till exam commences - rough estimation that is - so i guess i gotta start my preparation asap if i wanna do well in this major hurdle. Make or break scenario that kind. Was thinking if all goes well, which im a lil pessimist on it, i could do 1 subject a week leaving me to just touch up during exam periods so i dont need to be so stressed up. Hopefully i can make it according to plan. This would mean a cut down in games and online. Maybe i should take a msn fast like erin too? seems like an excellent idea to help me keep focus.

If theres 1 thing im worried now is the efficieny of poslaju. Hehe. Awaiting "the parcel" from bro within the next 2 days. Hopefully it would arrive asap so i can sleep soundly at night. Come on, its a 3k worth phone sending through courier. Who wouldnt panic? haha. But now im hearing this in my head : "Cast your burdens unto Jesus". hmm...sounds like God speaking to me again as im blogging. Amazing.

Lastly, just wanna wish everyone a Blessed and Merry Xmas this year especially to w20, w23, w14, attributes ministry, college friends and most importantly, kk friends. miss u guys loads!!

2006-12-18T14:44:00.000+11:00

ive missed blogging. thankfully have an hour to do it in the college library, one place i wouldnt fancy hanging around without a jacket cuz im frisking cold now. egads!! quite tired now although slept for 5-6hrs this morning. how stupid of me to virtually not sleep on sunday and was out whole day. gosh, my eyes were heavy like punchbags. dota till 2 then chatting till 3 and mamak till 4. woke up at almost 6 to go klia and endured a 2hr trip. came back wanna sleep but got busted by su min in the call. terus fly over to church.

lesson 101 : sleep earlier!!!
lesson 102 : never take a risk with harry ho. tak steady tu

moving on, the coming weeks and months is gonna be tough on me. real tough. exams at end of january earliest and in jan got promoted to "shift leader" (everyone give kelvin a round of applause). the journey's going up a very steep mountain and im gonna need to push hard to reach the top and come out victorious. not too mention im getting some prob financially so its gonna b tough. still can fulfill pledge but cant afford the extras. noooo..... hhaha.

yesterday had the bookies meeting and boy was it tough. it was the real ass-kicking session and i seriously feel and know la, that quite a huge pointers mentioned was bout me. >.< man i so need to BUCK-UP!

lucky no.7

2006-12-14T03:55:00.000+11:00

one thing ive learnt the past 2 weeks is that never to limit God. the more you doubt it, the more u gotta evn do it. like yesterday i didnt wanna go cg but a voice kept telling me, "the more you dont want God, the more you need God and the more you dont wanna go, all the more you gotta go". its really amazing how things can work out when u pay attention to the still small voice thats urging u into the right path. maybe this is part of me growing up. overcoming temptations and obstacles. still at times i know i fall short especially in my speech and behaviour.

was talking to koon the other day bout the past and i end up making a list of ppl i used to like and ever gave chase. haha. there was 6 totally in the list and only 1 succeed. this gives me a percentage of 16.67 success so far. haha, i suck i know. they were:
1)Cheryl - in canada now and became good buds now
2)Cynthia - in sabah and good friends
3)Evelyn - in US now and is one of my best buds
4)Jamie - my ex and now in sarawak and friends
5)Sharon - the best of the 6 and in kedah and the one who knew me best
6)Kher Lit - the one ive fell apart with and location unknown. haha
this sucks. none of them is near me and they always seem to be miles apart from me. plus, in my network of friends, they are the toughest to pick up. sucks!!!!! why do i have a taste for the near impossible? haha. cant go for no.7 now tho until may19 - got deadline summore (^.^). but then no.7 better be the best. lol. thats so lame.

anyway, had fun in cg with lee choo after so long and its great to have cg again. preached on new year resolutions and keeping them. it makes me laugh when i think back my own resolutions for 2006 cuz it really sucked. total 180 of wad im doing now. so since next year is "faith and courage", gotta plan down really good resolutions which i can keep like maybe go to dentist 4 times. hahahahaha. i need one anyway. -_-

unforgettable....that's what you are

2006-12-11T05:05:00.000+11:00

thanksgiving is officially over and that technically marks the end of the year 2006. unless you wanna include in christmas which is not really considered an event since its a fixed thingy ady. being the 1st thanksgiving i attended - well i gave a lame excuse last year and i didnt attend - it was awesome and feels good to be part of this church. really love this house. awards were given and friends were going on stage or doing something but personally for me the highlight tonight was something i did after the show. ok so it might not sound like super big but its a stepping stone. plus, small things lead to bigger things - in the norm that is.

picture this, a guy is standing waiting alone panicking waiting for a friend and suddenly sees a girl walks by. upon closer inspection it turns out that the girl was pretty - i mean for real! considering the guy was panicking, obviously he wouldnt reli care much except maybe turn and look a bit then panic again. instead the guy stared at her - curi curi stare la that is. and when the girl walks just right past him, she says bye. O_O!! (panic alert panic alert!!) ok la, we simplify the whole 2 min scenario into simpler english.

she walks past infront of me....
her: bye..
me: *smiles 1 sec*
-she takes few steps past the tree-
me: hey. i didnt get your name
her: my name's ____
me: *smiles back*
her: *takes 3 steps* hey, i didnt get your name too
me: *smiled* my name's kelvin
her: *smiles back and walk towards the door*

how lame can i be man? cant i do something else apart from smiling? geez, now i totally understand why su min say i need to be more serious. all the while i am serious jus that the smile covers up the seriousness in me. sucks. to be honest, i dont think i ever had the guts to do that. even someone i know also smile the most. wont even say something like a hi at least. weirdest thing is this: [its the middle of night with no one around the quiet empty street. who makes friends in this kinda situation? definitely something rare or uncommon at least.]
must be the confidence im brewing up lately. anyway that girl is cheryl ho. hahaha. prettiest girl in w22 and still single i last heard. o.o maybe i should invite her to baskin robbins next week? yikes!!!!

ok ok ok....im still astounded by what i did. eh, shes hot what and im a teenager with raging hormones. ok end of story. but then now that ive gotten over kher lit and im starting to develope a crush for someone ELSE in church. sucks. but then wont have much time to spend with her since shes leaving. prolly next year if im going away. don have to say name also some ppl can guess ady who's that. -_-" bah bah....theres the 6 months program need to fulfill 1st then only talk. dam...a bit regret now i did make it. hahahahahahaha

got some photos snapped after the show. too lazy to transfer over now so ill upload em when i wake up tomorrow. so tired now with headache again for the millionth time this month.

@#$%^&*(

2006-12-10T03:15:00.000+11:00

he did it again. po hin once again deliberately left me behind in church when i specifically told him im going back with van. he's amazing isnt he? hes so bloody idiotic!!! can he do something correctly? or at least feel sorry since he did it instead of SMILING BROADLY at me?!! wth is wrong with u ppl!!!!!!

!@#$%^%&*&(*)(_)+__)()(*&^%$#$@@#@$#%$^%^&*&(*)(_()(**&^%^%#$@@#$%^% @#$%^&*&(**&&^%$#Q@!@#$#%^%*^&(*)(*&^&%%#$@@!#$#%^&^*&(&*^&%^$%
!@#@$%#^$&%*^(&)**)(&*&^%$#@!@#!$@#%^$%&*^(&*)(_)*(*&^%%$#
#$%^$&%*(&)*_()*(*&^%^$%#$#@#!$@#%^$&*()*_(()*(&*^&%^$%#$@#!$@#%^$&%*

stew-pit post

2006-12-08T06:08:00.000+11:00

we learn something everyday. a new trick, a new word or a new talent. we get 1 everyday. thats what this week has been for me the past 4 days. been learning a lot bout things, people, and most importantly - my mistakes. its normal we hate making mistakes and its rather embarrassing at times when we make mistake so it sucks. but then i realised if we dont make mistakes then we wont know where we are and what to do to go further. sigh...too deep too deep.

this week is gonna be crazy tho. especially the weekend that is. theres assignment to complete, church to attend, thanksgiving night and hopefully - shopping for something to wear for thanksgiving. if not, i might as well dont go since i have nothing to wear. i mean it. trying to neglect the fact that i dont have anything to wear for that night at all and trying my best not to panic at all. deep down i am trust me. wonder if there is something i like, something appropriate to wear, something within my budget, have enough time to shop or not, or someone to teman me go!!!! argh....

tomorrow or should i say is friday and am deciding to skip lecture and lab to have a good rest and get a hair cut. hopefully - severely - that its gonna be a good one. kinda annoyed now with it and wanna do something bout it. seriously wonder how girls keep long hair. all that trouble and patience. hmm...no wonder koon gave up hope and whipped hers short. haha.

dont even know what im blogging now. off to bed for war the coming days.

and the truth shall set you free

2006-12-05T02:39:00.000+11:00

feel like blogging now despite the fact im tired, i have an early class in the morning and i still need to do my assignment before bed. i think blogging now would be best, to release everything in my heart so i can narrow down each issue in me. also enables me to work peacefully later and snore when i sleep. (p.s: i dont and i cant snore)

remembered a sermon i heard recently that says guys cannot be alone. wasnt too sure if it was dr. robb or pastor or was it po hin but it was definitely from 1 of them. its when guys are alone they will start to be tempted by the devil and so forth. i think its true. but for me when im alone i will be frustrated more than tempted. its like when its all quiet and ur all alone ur mind start to turn and all ur problems resurface. eg. : financial, relationship, studies and etc. right now im feeling really frustrated.

day started well with going to college and being able to break the 8am duck thats been making me lazy to go class. it was cool really. attending all the classes and had some good laughs between. then when get ready to go lrt to church things went bad. got busted by aunt who saw the piercing on my ear and made a very very sarcastic remark and unsatisfied face to me. that was still bearable really although it didnt came to me she would spot it so soon. hmm...must be it really shining with the sunlight. then in lrt su min called telling the stock arriving late and need help. that was good actually cuz it was time for me to show a lil bit of wad kelvin ong can do to help boss. i did eventually and still managed to enjoy the service. okay that was a good part in between. then came the phone call. one very unexpected call from home which got me startled at 1st that i didnt wanna pick it up. eventually i did and it was mum. there she goes telling/lecturing/sccolding me for going out very gung-ho lately. go where? church. well doubt she knew where i headed anyway since shes so stubborn to listen. pift. and then told me the tux cannot send over since its dirty and dont know how to send.

quote : "dont know how"

wat de? 3 days ago she tell me ok. boleh. ke yi. mou men tei. now she tells me suddenly cannot. geng. and to expect that from my own mum. wad la!!! so now amazingly im back to square one. no idea and possibly no money. well no money infact. calculated again for this month and im on par again. sigh. and this is when the saying strikes me. the truth shall set u free. maybe i should be honest with ppl and things. not keeping the story half told. well..i always do that to my mum for example so i guess this is punishment in accordance. i dont know. i wanna breakdown now feeling frust whole night or should i just go on each day as the hours roll by and wait for the miracle to happen? who knows. i try to not doubt it or worry but its so hard. maybe i shouldve bought that book titled give up worry forever. sigh. and summore jus now thought of blessing ah fu with that sermon cd. now i might have to ignore it. what to do arr God!!!??????!!!!!

when things go well in ministry or with God, the world turns its back on me and start giving me problems. maybe its my time to face it now. see how much i have grown past 6 months. wanna rely on Him but it seems so hard. and ppl tell me the harder it is, the more u need to rely until breakthrough happens...and now she's chattin with me i just wanna skip her totally but my conscience wont allow it. ARGH!!!

alcohol works for once...

2006-12-04T03:16:00.000+11:00

i did it. after much mustering the every ounce of courage in beneath my skin but i did it. i finally pierced my ear!!! (baloons released, ribbons rolled across, celebrations begins and champagne bottles popped) lol... it wasnt "that pain" everyone described but infact quite pleasant. jus maybe im too nervous or chickened that it made me numb and shaking all over even after i did it. haha. but then now its a lil stinging but its still bearable. hopefully i wont scream or have restless night like during emerge sports where i fell and hurt so badly my leg i couldnt sleep well for 2 nights. -_-" still...hope that this will be worth it. been meaning to get one for a long time but never had the guts or time for it. proud of myself to finally take the bold decision to neglect every negative issue in my head to stop myself from doing it.

had loadsa fun going out with lo wen and the rest in pyramid. spending the whole afternoon to find dresses for vinna and mei xhian. end up only vinna buying while mei xhian was still deciding. -.- then when it was my turn to scout for a funky t-shirt i found one. it was this black t-shirt with the picture of a banana and writes banana sweets. it was pink/yellow/white on a black. man that was cool!! too bad they didnt have my size. was so disappointed!!! then due to time constraint rushed to buy one and i did buy one from wild channel. but it wasnt funky. maybe jus 25%. man, im never going to shop alone again!!! think ill most likely go out again on sat or friday to shop. see got kaki and money o not. haha. if not, think ill jus head over to pyramid and splash 150 for that cool vest and long sleeve shirt i saw in padini. think is around that price. @_@"

pat mesiti is tomorrow night and tuesday. definitely going but its been tiring past few weeks. and of all ppl, amazing i talked to jacob on sat evening and he gave me some pointers on how to persevere. that when ur more tired the more u gotta push on and rely on God to provide strength for myself. but above all, gotta take the 1st step to move out and let God do the rest and never doubt. sounds tough to me but think with time ill get the hang of it. haha. then on weekend got ps mike connell coming!!! man was so shocked when pastor announced it that he's coming for this weekends service. its sooooo gonna be awesome!!! loving the church more and more. and more....haha

what is elegant?

2006-12-01T06:08:00.000+11:00

another day passes so fast in front of me. conference with robb thompson ended 2 days ago and it was great to listen from him again. didnt really get him back in july but then now i understand and see the man in him. as in the anointing he carries in him alongside the presence. it was so strong even in the overflow i could feel it. man, looking forward to see him again next year. hehe.

its week 7 now in college and todays friday. 7 weeks have gone just like that and its halfway the semester already. 7 more weeks to prove myself worth it or not all my efforts all this while (somehow i feel there's something wrong with this line). times gonna fly so soon that when i stop to check again its exam season. and to hear that angeline's going thru the same thing as i did last time reminds myself again to not fail again. ive been there and done that. so whats the point revisiting it again? cannot....must be right again. at least i can some tiny little initiative in me jus now by doing assignment work. that was until i kept waiting till someone ask me to go gaming. sigh.

its december now and my fav month has just passed. its like so fast i didnt even know. so many things happened the last 30 days. well, good and bad that is. but above all, i finally see the bondage i've placed myself in and freeing myself from it. that would be the highlight. one thing that saddens me tho, is how poisonous words can be. truth hurts we all know. but to get it from someone you trust, that's like a knife went straight thru your blood veins. worst thing was, you had to find it out urself accidentall instead of being informed by someone decent enough to tell. it seems things that ppl tell me all year round were all lies after all. and it really disappoints me to know i have such ppl around me. like erin said, relationships are meant to build each other up. if it aint building, break it. trying to keep it alive would only break urself even more at the end. well the last lines from my own not her. hahah :x

but breaking them has only brought up nothing but rewards for me. its like suddenly i know more ppl around me, getting deeper with them and sharing experiences and my 2 cents worth. its like you lose a nickel in offering but gaining a dollar in gift. you get the picture right? how cool is that? seems like my life so far can only get better as i rely more on Him now. being financially uptight so what? i survived november wonderfully throughout nov w/o owing ppl money and instead reduce my debts. i need a transport to travel? someone offers after a prayer. i need a direction to head towards, ppl start telling me what to do. things are like going fantastic!!! and i have only my Father to thank for. ^^

Nokia n80 is a good phone. had a good look at it today and tested it and its worth the money. has every high-end function in the market now with a good price. the only bad thing bout it which i dont like is the sliding part. the slide screen is too thin while the keypad part is too thick. not properly rationed. haha. hopefully the n93 beats em all. haha!!! only 3 more weeks to go till i get it. booyah.

major prob now is what to wear for thanksgiving. for once in my 19 years of life im stressing over what to wear for a 3hr+ function. O.M.Gawd. gotta go sout, look around and hopefully i have something half decent to consider to buy and wear for thanksgiving night. if not theres always bro's very exp white tux which he is offering me now suddenly. one prob is, the shoe is suppose to be white also right? as in to match. haha. you cant possibly wear a white tux with black shoes. that'll REALLY REALLY make me a star then. hahahahahahahahaha. was thinking to wear something like justin timberlake in his mtv for the song my love. a shirt with a tie and vest. looks neat and smart. and then i go cut my hair and have a redo of it followed by a piercing to give a lil bad boy look. lol. i cant imagine how ill turn up. scary (>.<)"

new blog rocks

2006-11-26T02:29:00.000+11:00

hmm....i like this new blog by blogspot. more options and much more interesting compared with its predecessor. a lil tired now and prolly i should sleep knowing i need to wake up at 6am to go to church tomorrow. but then i cant nor i should even think of complaining right? its all part of serving - sacrifice and going out of your (in this case my own) comfort zone. things in ministry's going pretty well week after week. talked to su min bout it and seems like theres a bigger picture behind not promoting. it places a lil relieve into my mind to hear it from his mouth - like a sign of confirmation on what im doing and the direction im heading towards. like lee choo says it all the time - we grow from glory to glory, strength to strength. =)
right now jus worried that im gonna be bored to death tomorrow afternoon waiting till 6pm. also if i get to shower and will i smell tomorrow? yikes!!! hahhahaa

got this cool song from cheryl this afternoon. its by parachute band titled complete. a christian song so i recommend u guys to listen to it. =)

xmas is like 31 days away? haha. got that countdown from shereen's msn. so many things happening in dec. theres thanksgiving night, more invited speakers, XMAS of course, several buddies birthday and when u know it, its new year. 2007 looks full of promise tho so im truly looking forward to it. ok ok...think ive gone too far into the future. right now, dr. robb thompson's conference and english final is the only 2 things that worry. well, that 1 more minor one happening after the conference. no details on that ... hehe.

off to snooze land now. good nite

bucking up!

2006-11-24T04:20:00.000+11:00

man im still feeling head-heavy, dizzy a lil, tired and so much more. its like a mixture of hangover and migrain and fatigue. i need lotsa lotsa rest. broke my personal record of staying in cyber till wad time this morning. stayed there till 7.10am and reached home bout 7.30. showered follower by sleep and the world passed me by without knowing wad had happened. amazingly could wake up and go english class altho i kinda regretted that decision a lil since the lecturer isnt in a good mood - AGAIN. dont know wad happened to her till keep fretting over small things and being sooooo strict bout college regulations. ish!!! well, i cant complain bout everything can i? jus gotta maintain this positive attitude im curbing and move on.

bashed up ken badly last night at his place. literally that is. both him and his apartment. celebrated his bday and amazingly we managed to prank him badly and still have a good cake to eat. all under a tight budget of rm180. got him a cake from secret recipe for him to eat, a butter cake to whack him, 4 cans of beer to get him drunk - which he did and puked badly, cream spray to whip his pants and "deeper" and more food to eat. and along the process of "tapao-ing" him, we kinda destroyed his place and end up washing the floors, walls and everything else. 10mins of fun for an hours work of cleaning. kinda worth it tho. haha. imagine, 18ppl bullying 1 lil fella. hahahha!!!

p.s : never drink soft drinks instantly in 1 go. it'll make u wanna puke or some bubbling feeling in ur stomach which isnt good at all. i had 7 cups running and boy that wasnt fun.

rev rob thompson is this weekend until next week tuesday so the that 4 days is gonna be hectic,amazing and something good definitely. woot! hopefully all falls well. maybe this is a time to prove to su min that im really committed? i dunno. i know im committed just that i made a mistake in not going before service start on sunday mornings for set up. well, it is my fault and only myself to blame. guess i gotta buck up and improvise from this. wee...

didnt feel sad at all when i found out i was demoted. but it was in cell group it was getting into my head. everytime wanna focus on the message the thought came back again. "kelvin im demoting u again". im like get outta my head!!! but then if things dont go right with God, how can other things go well? gotta get myself right with Him then im sure all else will fall in place. yeah. i can do it!!!

so many pics!!!

2006-11-20T03:24:00.000+11:00

Edited.

Give me wisdom, plain and truthful |
Teach me somethin I don't know |
Plain as education, inspiration I suppose |
Give me family, on a Sunday |
And I'll be just fine |
There's nothing in the world |
That's worth more of my time |

im not a poet instead i took that from a song. find that its meaningful. something to think bout at 3.27am. ^^
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally.

the grass was greener and sprawling all over...

and the white clouds was surrounding the twin tower as if rain never existed...

okay la there wasnt a pic with white clouds over the towers but this was the best "Google" could offer me. (^-.-^)

then when i look back straight again heading out of the condo, i nearly fell. 4hrs of sleep made me super dizzy this morning. shouldve slept when i intended. argh. was even playing with the thought of skipping service with "sick" excuses" and deal with them later but decided to skip since i needed to go through my "counselling" sessions asap and thankfully, I DID!!! with several interruptions in between and limited time. geez...havent ppl heard of knocking and understanding behind the glass door? *whistles away*

anyway service today was once again spectacular. maybe more to amazing or perfect - tho nothing in this world is perfect but Jesus. wee wang wang...i find it amazing everytime the songs they sing in worship fits my situation. it was like the baskin robbins ice cream ive been craving for a year finally in my mouth.

and the sermon was beryl's dark chocolate which i could finally eat after 2 years. God...everything was perfect today!!

-so many pics, so many tempting food. im so so hungry now >.<-

so perfect that i finally did manage to see the bigger picture in life now. not to say ive seen everything but seen enough to know how wrong ive been, how far ive strayed and how much im slacking. and it took me 11 months 18 days 10hours an few mins to realise this years statement - a year of positioning. being late is better than never tho. think i still have enough time to bounce back up and set myself right again.

i got my ass kicked today. truth never sounds nice no matter how much ur prepared to listen to it. somehow it still aches u inside. but its how long ur gonna allow to hurt u instead of facing it like a man and overcome it.

i thought about how ive been acting lately. not giving the right attitude in cell group. sometimes cocky i think. that dark ego surfacing sometimes. then ive been on - off in bible reading. especially when im hooked to so much gaming or online that i neglect everything else - studies, God, friends. EVERYTHING!! been cursing a bit recently. not proud to admit it but its something im gonna need to let go for real. cant think of anymore for now...all i know is i gotta move on. wee~ come to think of it, im quite happy now. its like first time im really feeling singlehood. no nothing at all to worry but myself. haha. i kinda like this feeling. (^^)v peace!~

p.s : singlehood rocks!!! so much fe-wee-dom!!!

when it all falls apart

2006-11-19T06:06:00.000+11:00

another post here couldnt have come in at a better time. i mean things was going so well and so many good, funny and memorable things were happening until 4hrs ago. its like u tried so hard to climb up mount kinabalu and when ur 10 steps from the top u fall down. or when u ran to qualify for the 100m dash u couldnt pass the 12sec mark altho uve been training so hard. i find the simplest things in life can destroy the big ones. its good its bad i dont know. right now 1 thing im sure of, im frustrated. well thats wad bro told me i was in short. i dont know to be honest. wad i know now is i wanna cry. i wanna drink and get drunk and forget so hard bout it like it never happens. i wanna travel away once again to find another sanctuary. i ran when aunt passed. i ran when me n sharon lost it. why not run now when the person i loved so much that i cant describe beyond words tells me shes in love with another guy? run to aus and find mel. or jus run to uk and find some hot brit chick. who knows? i saw this scenario happened in the drama series "Ed". happened in "Friends" too and a whole bunch of sitcoms/dramas but never i thought it would happened to me. and yet all this while i was telling everyone im prepared for it. that its not gonna affect me at all. right now, i cant. i just cant take it. i dont know wad to do. im losing my head and my mind now. the grand finale is, its a SATURDAY NIGHT. for God's sake cant bad things happen on other days but JUST NOT SATURDAYS??!! theres church in the morning so i need to put on my best facial expression and ive to be super upbeat bout it since going to His house is a goodie happy thing. fyi, i cant. my emotions always outwit me so no. i cant do it. i dont know how but i cant. i dont even know why im blogging now. i jus need someone to talk to. doreens busy with alex. mel's in kk. sharon's in kedah. even panda is in sarawak now. this is fucking great!!

KK?

2006-11-13T06:07:00.000+11:00

wee wang wang wee wang wang...

been running figures through my head all night long thinking bout this months expenses with a very small budget made available and seems like its gonna be a hard november ahead. for the next 3 weeks thats it. good thing is i paid my tithes this morning so no complaints or excuses for not paying tithes. remembered raymond shared with me before - once get allowance, 1st thing is to pay tithes. then only worry about your bills and meals. guess this time is for me to experience it and now praying a miracle to happen. malachi 3:10 says it all already so now is jus my turn to believe and have faith like in hebrews 11:1. woo woo 2 scriptures so far. haha

this morning felt challenged to raise my pledge AGAIN. thinking deep now how much i can raise. ive already made a 50% increase from my original amount but now felt like i should increase another 50%. hmmm....i really wonder now what amount i should give. maybe this pledge is really a testing ground for me, to see if i can give to the house of God. i gotta admit sometimes i gave out of abundance or appropriately - as in still enuff to lsat for the day or week and still give an amount which satisfies my heart. maybe its time i REALLY REALLY give out of poverty. gotta say no to this and that. this brings my attention to the n93. shud i still aim for it and then only save for pledge? or shud i cancel it and focus all my money on the pledge. hmm...there is both pro and con so im still thinking

if i get the phone
- can sell my current(v3x) for bout 800-1000
- more than enuff money to pledge and can give even more with cny round the corner in feb
- ill only have to tighten my belt for nov a bit of dec maybe

wait, i dont even have to go to the part if i dont get the phone. it has already outweigh the other. haha. so im still on with the phone!!! and gonna believe for a breakthrough this time in terms of monetary. yea yea!!

suprisingly saw alex today (doreen's bf from pg) who came down to visit doreen in hopes to suprise her. didnt expect him till next weekend but oh well, cant stop 2 love birds from seeing each other right? this got me down a bit. since im single and hormones are raging. haha. i jus realise 1 thing. i met her in KK and our 1st initials of our names combined together is also KK. yikes. and if we both like kareena kapoor (KK ALSO, the blollywood actress), it'll be 3/3. weird...but funny weird that kind...haha!!!

birthdays and more

2006-11-11T06:36:00.001+11:00

this month theres loads of birthdays in my list i found out. just to name a few, there was ppl like desiree, aderyn, myself, dad, jeffrey, sonia, sin and etc. if i were to buy each of them a gift i think i'll eat up 2 months allowance or somewhere there. yikes. hoping this month would pass really really fast and when u know it, its christmas cuz thats when i get few days off from college. plus the fact im getting ma goodies from justin. yippee!

to be honest i dunno what i should blog now. what ever that's in me i've poured it out to respective people and im quite empty now. i've talked to justin bout family issues, doreen on cell group and God issues and erin on relationship issues. even studies also sorted ady. wads left to talk or stress about but waiting for things to take place? guess that explains why im being a potato couch lately - minus the belly and bizarre eating behavious that is. maybe a lil shopping tomorrow or next week would cheer me up. shopping IS a therapy after all. but then i dunno what i should buy. hmmm...a bright smiley shirt would be nice. or some crazy looking pants that would really attract attention. or maybe a bling bling and wear it to college. yea that'll be cool!!

2006-11-09T04:06:00.000+11:00

a huge happy birthday greeting to eunice lim and see mei. both of W23 ( raymonds cell ). for see mei, pls dont hit me so hard everytime u see me and for eunice, pls dont nose bleed everytime we go batu feringghi(how 2 spell?) buy dvd. hahahaha
word of the day : repositioning

i find that i need to redirect my life back into a proper road instead of a muddy narrow one. i gotta get my butt off the bed and start going to classes even if i sleep at 3am and class starts at 8am. i need to start putting God first and foremost in everything i do. i need to set my standards and goals right and have a good self discipline with all the freedom i have. I NEED TO IMPROVE MY LIFE!!!

kinda feel a stressed now with the fact that this sem is a "do-or-die" sem where everything must be brilliant or suffer the consequences of severe failure nd future wrecking. talked to dad the other day and actually he does have a point. since this semester is so crucial to me, why then must i have an internet line? why not cancel it and focus the 3 months into studying. well practically i cant do that since w/o a line im in eternal boredom and going to cyber cafes will only help kill my money faster. so i guess im gonna take a chance in self discipline myself. less the gaming, more the sleep, butt in college. if i cant kick in the studying or healthier lifestyle by end of the month then severe actions shall be taken.

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in my previous post i posted some pics of my bday and 1 of them was me and my mum. some ppl told me my mum was pretty ( considering the fact shes actually 50 and she looks 40? in that pic ). it wasnt the 1st time someone told me that since charlaine started telling me back in form 2 if not mistaken and many ppl soon followed after that. the other day i wrote "why everyone say my mum pretty?" on my msn and i got a reply which got me freaking pissed off. it was from po hin. i know his intentions was right and was jus being a lil cheeky maybe but it was the way he asked to see my mums photo that got me really mad. its like the way he asked as if my mum was that "cheap". totally did not reply him and told him straight off today before cg when he asked me again. i think the prob here is the blunt english ppl have when asking for something. the way chinese ed ppl ask or say things in english can be misintepreted that it can vary in meaning. somehow, he got on my nerve that day.

now chau was another bastard who spoiled my mood. who can be childish enuff to say "fcuk u ler" in ur msn and went offline after that w/o explaining why or give a heads up. sudahlah he very immature tho he's 19 and ive known him for few years, yet he did something i find totally not funny. i guess some ppl just never grow up right? saying foolish things at this age and thinking its funny. pift...

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okay enuff pissing, lets talk happy things~

doreen's back in kl and happy to see her again. had a good longggg talk with her jus now and as i expected, she did hook up with alex. sigh, so now leaves me as the single one in the circle. haha. being single is okay also since im JUST 19. i dont wanna be like wei siang now (college mate). always 1 hand on the phone sms-ing the gf and need to reload every week. always in debt heavily and studies tak semacam only. now need find part-time to pay debt and get more spending money. i dont wanna end up like that at all. its like if at this young age already in debt so much, what more when ur older? thousands of ringgit from ah long? eeekk!!!! >.< . like erin said, im 19, still young with plenty of time. plus theres plenty of hot chicks in the "market" altho i already fix myself on a particular "hot-fish". ^^v

the day after yesterday

2006-11-06T23:57:00.000+11:00

ok im 19 now. hmmm that doesnt sound right at all!!! theres sweet 16, alcoholic 18 and voting 21 but theres nothing for 19. no wonder this year so bored la me. practically slept half the day while the remainder went to staring at the wall and eating cakes. doesnt sound fun at all right? worst part was 1st moment see mum terus WW3 start ady. unfortunaly tiny lil iceland (me) lost to U.S (mum). highlights of this year was i had 3 cakes!!! not really a lot to some ppl but its still too much for me. 1 was strawberry yoghurt, 1 was cuppocino cheesecake and the other was strawberry ice cream. kewl...I think the best was the strawberry yoghurt. very sweet and had the original strawberry fruit, not those from the canned ones. all the more its from seccret recipe. woop-pee-dee. heres some pics my cousin snapped for me...ive removed all the funny looking ones of my face to avoid embarrasment ^^

thats iceland and U.S after peace talks - its all a metaphore of phrase please...

thats me and my aunt - the one i dont really fancy after she accused me of lying

thats me and ma cake. its 2 combined together actually if u see properly ^^

outing cancelled!!!!

2006-11-04T05:29:00.000+11:00

cool, this is my 55th post for this new blog of mine. think its been 2 years or more since i started to blog and comparing to my xanga, i think i did pretty well myself with this one. yeah thumbs up for myself.

and time is ticking away slowly till D-day. its like 19hrs and __ mins away by the time im done here. and the weirdest or awkward thing is that some ppl actually fast forward the day. means today is sunday instead of saturday and greetings were sent. okui is the 1st this year and jason was 2nd. this monkey and tortoise fast by 1 day ady. haha. appreciate it tho from them. made me laugh jus now while dota-ing.

plans for this sunday was completely messed up. thanks to the most powerful woman in my life - my mother. cant see a movie with erin and kher lit cuz gotta head over for dinner at 6++ i think so cant make it in time. prob was that mum didnt even negotiate with me. terus say "u dont make plans ah. i purposely come for u, u better come with me..." argh. i refuse to fight back this time. well, i suppose only good things can happen when ur shopping with ur parents right? haha. lets REALLY hope so good things do come true since im not paying a single cent ^^.

been thinking of wad i want and wad im getting so far and the list seems good so far. haha. expecting a n93 from bro in the coming weeks. a brand spanking new manchester united jersey end of dec or jan prolly. mashimaro from panda. wonder wad else is in store ? *cheeky grin with a malicious face* hahaha

but then its sad when u cant have the things u really want in life. this year i want a something starting with D. can be a donkey, drum set or a dress i tell u. altho i dunno how a dress and kelvin can mix in the same page. @@ (ewww....gross). a D, all i really want is a D. looks like only me and the big man up there knows wad it is ;)

the other was talking to someone and this kept getting into my head.

LEAVE THE EMOTION OUT OF THE EQUATION

i mean how can i do that? if im able then im not human right? literally speaking. i know im a person full of emotions and i easily swing 1 side. plus ive got pms ( mens version w/o the blood part u know? go read a readers digest will ya? )

...

2006-11-01T07:54:00.000+11:00

its official. my cursing days are back with signs showing major vocab change past few days. it'll only be a matter of days before full implementation of the beautiful usage of vlgar words. this is not good. nearly blew off jus now playing dota again. i find myself 2 diff person. a nice once when not playing and a meanie cursing person when gaming. especially dota. dont know why but thinking back, the 2 months i stopped playing everything in life turned out great. well, except that small part. but now things are going up and down like a sin graph. sorry if u dunno what im yapping about. the graphs goes up and down continously like my fortune now. sekejap baik, sekejap tak baik. sigh.

need go beaty therapy session soon starting with a session on my face. ack of sleep past 2 weeks has caused pimples to pop everywhere and im very easy to get tired now. lack sleep, water and proper meals now jus like when exam. and all this happening in nov. this is suppose to be like the best month for me.

feel like doing an analysis now. see who remembers my bday and who doesnt. dont expect gifts tho but hoping how long can my phone keep ringing. i know last year was crazy but this year? somehow doubt it.

beautiful~

2006-10-30T04:56:00.000+11:00

finally it is known in the cell group that we have a problem. it took them like 1 year to realise that? a lil slow but least they realise it now. better late than never one might say. so now in the midst of restructuring, replanning, reconfiguring and reestablishing the cell group core and members. sounds a lil too long winded. anyway looking forward to improvements in ties between cell members to make it a much nicer place to go. =P

oh ya i need to think of an ice breaker for wed's cell. suprisingly not michael or timothy thats doing it now. hmm...better fix something quick and real good. =)

today angeline nearly pecah in front of elycia. kinda funny tho being in the middle. 1 so naive 1 trying to calm down. 2nd time ady elycia didnt turn up for duty and only realise it right before service starts. bad bad girl ^^". luckily they both managed to keep their heads and nth major happened. poor angeline, sudahlah exam now, still wanna fan over todays service. sigh...next months gonna be even worse since only 4 person on duty or should i say available. mmg lack of manpower now. or isit womenpower? o.O"

oh ya, today is truely a super beh tahan beautiful sunday. we jus anggap the whole sunday limited to the time in church arr. everyone looked gorgeous today ( referring to the females that is ) wen dee looked adorable in that white shirt and skirt, esther as hot as usual, wan yeng looked funky in sleeveless and cargo pants, and someone looked so blueu with that permed hair that ultimately made me went gaga. i mean i couldnt even utter out hi. *slaps self* ok back to normal. if u read this part and feel like harming me in any way, jus anggap u never read it before. thx =)

off to beddie now, not really tired but have a long day in class later. sigh. why must i be a student now!!! i dun wanna go college!!!

beavis & butthead!!

2006-10-28T04:58:00.000+10:00

read mamayo's blog today and man can that girl blog!! specially like her disclaimer. so original. btw its www.xanga.com/momoyo if u wanna have a read. its good stuff seriously.

now this got me thinking. why are foul words so fitting in almost every sentence we speak out? i remember doing a debate with james on this before since he's the F word pro. etc:

- man the weather is fcking hot now
- who the fck told you we going to yam cha?
- why the fck is she taking so long to do her make up?
- i totally fcked up my law paper

see what i mean? it so fits into almost anything we say!! the ironic part is that the F word is intented for sex, not in our everyday speech. yet everyones saying it. heck even some christians i know say it when we're having a ball and theres no other "holier christians" around keeping a tab on us. so im thinking, why the FCUK am i so tempted to say it? haha. used to have that bad habit but kicked it since it nearly wrecked me and evelyn (p.s : girl i miss u loads!!!) now its coming back to me due to ppl around me constantly saying it. heck my bro's good with that word. my gaming frens use it to replace hi. any anonymous blog uses that word to express him/herself. EVERY FCKING PERSON IS USING IT!!! good i said it whole heartedly. now i feel much better.

still i hate the word cb, mcb, ccb, knn, snn and etc...the hokkien ones i think. chinese origin. =|

finally found a song which i longed for months. it turned out to be wang lee homs song titled Di Yi Ge Qing Chen. someones caller tunes is that song. i think its her. maybe i shud keep calling her from now onwards? scared she reject tho. =(

i jus t realised something. omg!!!
===========================
* i love being in denial *

in front of my mums frens i deny im tall and skinny
in front of my kk church friends i deny i dont drink and am a very goodie boy
in front of lecturers i deny doing wrong and always blame someone
in front of parents i deny im a bad kid at home or college
in front of aunt i deny bout why i dont bring my clothes to wash

NEWS FLASH : im not perfect. thank you for trying to understand that. ^^v dun worry tho, i found a reason to change myself. * and u start hearing hoobastank - the reason * too bad blogspot cannot do that if not reli i put that song in. cheers~

i think the worst thing i did today was making the whole cell outing cancelled cuz me and kok rui decided to do some last minute fong fei kei's. AND WE DID IT!! haha. but then end up making ourselves wake up at 8.30 to go for prayer meeting. 8.30 arrive that is. stoo-pid me. rather sacrifice at night so that can play all night long till dawn. now i need to wake up early and drag my 2 skinny legs there. i asked for it.

budgeting is the toughest thing to do in ur life. well 1 of them that is. figuring out my expenses now to muster up enuff money for that freaking expensive n93 and fulfilling my tithes. hmm...gonna need a miracle in this =)

last but not least, a huge thank you to erin for naming the bunnies. Beavis @ the brains and Butthead @ the dumbo. its reli wicked and cool. funky too and it fits em both nicely. now i need to find out the gender. she mentioned something bout find the wabbits "BALLS". erm...im a bit harr? by that method. oh ya, someone else can call them jack jack and jill jill. ;) jus that someone that is >.>

dragging myself to bed now...ta~

wabbits not rabbits

2006-10-27T02:09:00.000+10:00

i never thought paris hilton can sing. well, all this due to her bitchy attitude in a way and her BFF craze with nicole richie. plus i didnt like her 1st single "stars are blind"'. but then her 2nd single is pretty good. she looks hot in the video, has a catchy tune and brings a positive message in the video so heck? whats not to like.

today i declare as the official start of my 2nd sem. since all the hols here and there interrupts and not many ppl were back yet. but im beginning to muster back my studying mood to go thru this sem again promised lee choo to do 1 step better now in my studies. can be a testimony to others that while u serve God, u an still do well in everythin else. "put Me first and everything else shall be added unto you" matthew kah or somewhere that verse from? ahaha. poor memory of mine so i cant reli memorise everything bout something. >.>

oh wait..gotta blog nicer if not kena misinterpret by erin. eeks. and remember coffee is the dog or bear ar in the car? i think bear. dun remember seeing a poochie anywhere in the car. opsie daisy.

only 10 more days to seeing mum!! i miss my mummie. well not just that shes my wallet to shopping and a new ipod but erm....i reli miss her. haha. still so happy i get to see her on "my day". cant remember i last celebrated with her. always dump me money and kick me out to party with friends. @@ good in a way tho...haha. can do anything bad and no ones there to lecture u. yeah baby

darn rabbit scratched me like mad today. so scared he will run out of the window when i carried him/her. still trying to find out the gender tho. got any tips? will be a great help to me. also how to take care wabbits not rabbits. haha!!!

loop eared wabbit

2006-10-26T07:01:00.000+10:00

a show that is a must see is grey's anatomy. not jus it has award winning actor and actresses in it but the show is soo uber good. haha. no wonder my bro got hooked to it badly. jus nows episode was bout a very troubled female doc where everything jus falls in her life yet in the very end she was able to stand up after being honest with herself and everyone else and instead of running away, she confronted everything. well, i feel and i know ( correct me if im wrong ) that this kinda overcoming only happens in the movies while in real life we jus stay there and keep on wishing for a miracle to happen. thats not solving i say. thats plain sad. oh well, nth reli major happened to me apart from godmum's death which i also overcame so im pretty good myself. jus now talkin to mel got me thinking. nth bad has happened to me before. no illness, no pains, no natural disaster, no mental abuse ( well there is some niggle as we grow up. boys will be boys right? ) practically no nothing. sure i have minor stuffs like studies, debts, relationship prob but thats kinda small compared to reality. but this is sufficient for me to know that all this can only happen as ive got a big guy behind me. heck only bad things happen to me when daddy's lil boy gets naughty here and there. who dont? pfft...but i know no matter how deep 1 person maybe, theres ALWAYS a way out. just gotta penetrate thru the barrier and only you yourself knows best ;)

justin got his phone today. the brand new nokia n93. this can only mean that imma get mine soon. looking forward to it in a months time. yeah baby. but suddenly i jus dont want a new phone. ive got a good one with me right now by far the most expensive in my possesion. rm1600 is not little when ur giving that much to spend. i rather have that money to shop and buy some other stuffs. too bad i lost my phone previously. haha.

i finally went to asianbookie.com today!!! feel bad for myself now getting related to betting. but then wasnt me who bet but helping law to do a lil "research" for the matches just now. promised myself not to ever bet even a single cent in my life anymore and imma stick to it. especially after losing a 4 digit sum previously which already placed my own arse in a black hole. never wanna go thru that again in my life. @@"

oh ya got a new pet today. well 2 actually. 2 loop eared rabbit. God they're uber dorable. lazy wanna upload some pics of them since its so early in the morning now fyi. still thinking what to name them maybe i can go with :

- mahathir and badawi
- nokia and motorola
- road runner and bugs bunny
- pak cham kai and siu kai ( white chicken and roasted chicken cuz 1 of them has white paws )
- fan cheong 1 and fan cheong 2

haha...all are lame names i know. 1st time i get to jaga pets so looking forward to it. since im the one home most of the time as both couz need to work. so i gotta feed em, play em, shower? or even give them classes. LOL. that was a very lame idea from couz's bf. music classes, poetry classes, athletics and etc? >.> never mind...

22/23 - 10 - 06

2006-10-23T06:31:00.000+10:00

*yawn*...here i go again blogging when im least energetic or being enthusiastic bout it. anyway i jus realised blogging is somewhere i can reli bare all, or bare nothing at all. we live once only so why not stretch till the limits? a lil fun wont hurt much couldnt it? sucker!!!

this months hot issue did a cover on celebs who blog and aome ppl who blog and became famous. hmm...i highly doubt that i can be one of those who blogs and get famous. im freaking lazy even as im blogging now. ppl like hilary duff, pamela anderson, moby and the list goes on. even britney told the world shes pregnant in her blog. kewl. maybe i can start bitching on ppl i dun like here and totally dont give a crap bout em? sounds evil enuff to me. ^^

today is (or shud i say was) pledge sunday and boy does kelvin dislikes giving excessive money out anywhere. but hey, im on a high now after giving my tithe so don bring me down yet and grab the opportunity while im on a spending spree!~ .felt bad tho when we did the mock pledge in cg and now that i did it again ( u know, change the figures here and there and wa-la!) and got pretty good with myself. jus happy imma gonna give xxx amount. still wondering where ma money coming from? maybe i shud take on justin's advice and plant a money tree. better than cactus or a bonzai tho.

another special thing bout today is that i get to meet evan in church on sunday for the 1st time in kl. we go to the same primary-secondary high school, youth, play the same sport, hang out with the same ppl and know each others parents but we never went to the same sunday service. so today was a first and it still keeps me laughing bout it. why? i dunno. it jus amuses me somehow. >.<

hmm...saw her today in church as usual and suprisingly i dindt even get a chance to say hi or at least a decent good morning and have a good day that usual. hmm...somethings fishy. and when i turn to look vroom!!! she teleports from 1 location to another like the transponder in star trek. haha. being a lil sci-fi-ed now.didnt even saw her face!! how amusing that was. 1 sec look at her back and then turn left. and when turn right again ta-da!! jus like magic. vanished into thin air. hmm...getting "the treatment" again i suppose. oh well. if she's only gonna acknowledge me when she needs me for her assignment purposes then so be it. if not im like a useless toy a kids bored of. pfft...know wad. we need to have a bachelors party. or a set up date thingy. now where's' erin when u need her? oh erin!!~~ where r u??!~

its raya tomorrow so wishing alll u a happy greeny raya and have a wonderful green festive season. i know im gonna be bored at home doing nth but gaming to fill my time. i need a hobby seriously and i need more friends in kl. eek!!!

P.S : im lazy in giving a title for each blog unless something strikes me so imma stick with dates. they're the simplest. haha. and btw, open season is a good laugh. reli worth it to see to release stress. too bad panda didnt go with me today. wanna study wor at home kononnya. haha

nervous-ing

2006-10-19T01:23:00.000+10:00

results are out in the morning tomorrow 10am. im worried sick to my stomach. im scared if i failed programming paper or science 3 paper. other 4 im confident of passing. still, the thought of failing 1 will kill me off mentally inside as i plan to get all pass. specifically 2A 2B 2C = average all B's and thats very good. at least to me that is. jus that now im shaking all over inside and no one is here to comfort me with my tenses. no one's online now amazingly and im sick of playing games to take my mind away. sick of everything now due to results tomorrow. heres a 2 way scenario for tomorrow

if pass:
-pierce ear
-get back my internet line
-parents happy which makes me even more happy
-full of mood to see evan this weekend
-will be a stepping stone towards my dreams of further studies
-totally showing how amazing God can be
-very likely water baptism this saturday morning

if fail (being 1 or more):
-parents screw me
-im gonna be depressed
-no more internet line tho im paying my own now
-possible move to aunts place for better observation
-no pierce, shopping or jalan jalan with evan
-stopping ALL activities( ALL!!!) to get my head fixed. includes brainwash and reformatting

right now i just cant think further. i jus realised how sucky my position is life. spiritually that is. doubting everything i know but somehow the verse from hebrews bout faith being the substance not seen and _____ keep knocking my head. i dont know really. wads happening? someone help me...before i realy blow off totally. God...where art thou?

flyin to 2nd home

2006-10-14T15:47:00.000+10:00

flying back to kl in couple of hours and cant believe time passed so fast. so fast that i just realised 2 days ago im going back and semesters starting on monday. sigh. dont know shud be happy or not jus that so many things happening this past few weeks making my heart heavy when making decisions being small or big. the other day mum was telling me after diploma go australia. kinda shocking but happy for me. now when i think of it. am i ready to go there? so many ppl i know all over malaysia and i dont know if i can let go o not. plus, im bad in keeping in touch. now also barely with mel and cheryl abroad. plus my own 2 bro's in uk. if i cant handle 4, how 2 handle many more? haha oh well. but then if reli can go, ill not think twice bout it but go. it'll be a darn good experience for me. plus i get to see mel and al and cyn there eating strawberry and ice cream together in the cold. haha~

couldnt help ma bro do his tix today to come back kk so a bit disappointed. not that failed in not able to help but disappointed it might affect my chances to get a new phone. haha!! looking forward to a new n93 or something similar in the coming weeks or so. yea yea. im being so materialistic lately. told my mum i wanted an ipod nano/shuffle/video and she said see 1st la~ which is near equivalent to ok. parents and their ego in front of their kids. who can blame them? still happy i get to celebrate with my mum on that day itself. purposely flying over to see me (^.^)v.

results out next week thursday. evan's coming on thursday. the movie open season is released ALSO on thursday. gosh. thursday is definitely a happening day. but then no matter wad. its gonna be a good week i know for sure!! gonna get good results!! see my best bud!!! and see that darn cute beaver in the movie. gosh its so uber-dorable!!!!!! feel like buying one. hahaha. beneath every man/woman theres an inner child. just that we lock 'em when we're older. mines still on the loose. >.<

its coming to an end of the year. gosh time passed really fast eh? i kept thinking the time i made the new year resolution in cell group and now, its bout to end. im so gonna be embarrassed when eunice comments bout our resolution. especially mine. wrote loadsa craps in it. haha. mum's back now. tata~

chasing cars

2006-10-11T07:20:00.000+10:00

3 reasons i shudnt be blooging now :
-its 5.15am
-mums gonna be awake anytime now
-the weather is raining so its REALLY good to sleep

but then i vowed to blog before bedtime so i guess i somehow gotta make it up for wad i promised myself. lately nth much happened since everyones home or not in kk anymore. those at home are due to pokai-ness and no car to go out. kinda lame excuse right? sigh. kk-ians. haha. went bowling today so was really really happy. i mean REAL. i love bowling so much jus that not many ppl share this passion with me. boo hoo!!! u suckers out there better start bowling asap. kinda rusty at the 1st game but found my form again the 2nd game so was pretty happy with it (^.^)v then head down to yoyo for yamcha and stayed there till near 6. kinda good afternoon for me. hehe.

yest (10 oct) is angeline's birthday and today(11oct is my bro and cyn small bday). gosh so many ppl bday now. so jus wanna wish u 3 a big big happy birthday. there will be many more to come. and bro, pls dont get drunk. ur a nisance when u are. >.> shudnt be going out tomorrow with cyn small dono doing wad so jus gonna be really spontaneous tomorrow afternoon. argh!!! busy busy day ahead. need do so many things jus dunno where to start nor end :(

hehe, am excited at the prospect of getting a n93 from ma bro but gotta wait till dec. that is if all goes well. if not better make him get me another phone. hohox. bored with mine now so need something new to spice things up a lil. plus i kinda miss nokia phones now since my 7610. haha.

lately been addicted to playing online game now with ma game gang. i played ares with them, i still play dota with them and now ryl. gosh so many games. haha. jus hope i still be able to manage ma time well when back in kl so i wont screw up ma next sem. but then results for sem 1 is out on the 19th which is a thursday. its day after cg so hope got some miracle works from God to relieve me of my worriedness now. im not suppose to doubt and im telling myself that but then i super doubt lagi more now. sigh....jus pray all goes well. ^^v

gtg sleep now....mums eta to waking up in 5 mins or so!!! dont want to 1st thing in the morning for her is to bomb me. not good u know as a potential "good-son". hahaha!!!!! tata~

sweet vanilla

2006-10-03T06:04:00.000+10:00

i find house to be a really good show while nip/tuck is a bad bad lame show. still i watch both cuz im bored. anyway didnt go out at all today except for the dinner for aunt kath's hudband. jason is sick, juliana's doing something, alvin was free but ant was ... doing something or very free also i suppose. so end up staying at home today. crap. the dinner was good. i mean real good not jus cuz of the good food but more than that. get to meet all those aunt's again. above all, the bonus was meeting aunt kath's daughter vivian. God, why did u made women so damn fine!! haha. as the months and years past by the more i see her the hotter she can only become and shes only 23. haha. well it was nice to meet her again after half a year or more and jus talked. except that the bf was a lil disturbing sitting there being so quiet. ish. had 2 cups of jack daniels and to be honest, i still cant like it yet. chivas is okay but i still find jack daniels a lil too kick for me. i think ill stick to red wine. man i can go on all day with wine. (^^)v at the end it was a really a nice dinner. one that i did not keep wishing im home or was somewhere doing something/anything apart from this. yeah!

gonna go back kl soon. next week to be precise on saturday evening. so its gonna be freaking tiring for me. back at night round midnight then morning wake up go church. oh well. i cant be whining now can i?

wondering how my results is gonna turn up this time. i gotta admit i cheated in the last paper but i was really studying jus too much too memorise. woops. couple of days ago or 1 week ++ i dreamt i was gonna get 2A 2B 2C. this brings to an average of all B giving me a 3.0 cgpa. its like a super boost in my results. just the one im looking for actually. so now im gonna believe in it to come true. but its been a struggle to not doubt that to happen. i mean its said that if i believe in my heart and have not even a single doubt then it shall come to pass. right now, ive doubt it a couple of times. sigh...

mel bought a new perfume which smells sweet vanilla-ish. sounds good to me but im still mesmerised or hynotized by her in dior addict 2. haha...jus something between me and her. come to think of it, she and i really clicked. haha. and when she had to asked me that "Q" or said "that thing" it got me thinking till now....why not? God....i need some directions pls. am pretty lost in wad to do or wads right.

oh ya....gonna miss erin's moonie cakie party this fri. ARGH!!!! why me!!! why friday!!!! why!!!! man u better leave me some memories from that party erin!!! i wanna be updated!!!

alcohol, a bed, physical contact and doctors...

2006-09-28T23:26:00.000+10:00

its thursday and im bored. today havent go out yet or seen anyone. this excludes the guys at my hse this earlyyy morning and anthony stayed a lil longer till 6.30. man was he tired or wad. all of us couldnt wake him up at all. anyhow woke up late today and thankfully didnt kena marah. dad's not at home meaning i have all the cars to drive at my will. muahahaha. speaking of cars, today finally banged someone. not really bang. a bump is more precise. a teensy weensy bump w/o scratches at all. God i got so scared i wrecked mums car so soon. thankfully the worst was not at sight so i managed to get my arse out from the fire this time.

for those who asked me bout my msn nick, im very sorry i didnt reply cuz i chose not to apparently and that it wouldnt be good. nothing happened at all actually and it was jus a statement i put up. not too seek attention but jus being playful. and u know wad? i actually gave it a thought. i have to be honest. i am not a good person or maybe i am. im just supressing all my bad inside me. i didnt give it back to God but i kept it in me. why so? i dont know. maybe im a person of the world. very into wads in the culture and society. living the riches and thru the fame. surrounded by ppl adoring you or by beautiful women. wad more? if life was like a movie im gonna have a hard time picking which movie. i find the best things in this world is when u have a combination of money, cars, women, power and dreams. dreams to visualize urself there and the will to do wadeva it takes to get there and it aint gonna be pretty. but coming down to earth. i guess i finally realise wad i want, wad im capable of and wad kills me. i want a companion. someone who understands me is all i ask for. well with long hair la and yes, im talking bout female for goodness sake. i want a women, the complete package. not some 18 year old girl who wants to be happy and pampered 24/7. someone who makes me laugh, cries with me, works with me and clicks with me. knows wad i want and when i want it. of course i can and am capable of doing that in return. trust me on that. well, i guess being 19 is too soon to find one like that. ppl keep telling me why settle for 2nd best? or why shouldnt i go out and find 1 hot model material girl and get her. now that would be the apple of everyones eyes. ive got time, maybe? but i certainly dont have the patience. wadeva it is, i saw screw it. if really there was someone i could get no matter who it was. it has to be lilo. not the lilo and stitch that lil lilo girl. a certain lilo of mine that i know. shes 8.5/10 of my requirements and shes still single. aint that a bonus? but fu*k it. im lost in myself now.

really freaking bored now. i wanna go to the beach with mel or doreen and sit and talk all night. sighz. 1's in melbourne 1's in penang. wad the heck man!!! and all my other ji mui's are missing all over the globe. seriously.

a thousand miles...

2006-09-25T03:58:00.000+10:00

its been a long time since my last entry. many things happened. i mean real major things. too many that i dont know where to start now. feeling tired now cuz i was travelling loads the past 3 days to penang, within penang, coming back to kl and within kl. got home bout 11 after a good buffet dinner with the bookies and bookie creative director. im still amused by the term bookie for us attributes member. all thanks to erin. haha. gosh im so not gonna eat salmon and/or sushi for the next 2 weeks minimum. i think make it 3. God i had sooooo much of them and there was even left overs from erin's 2 plate and terence's half plate. i bet su min must be grumpng inside why i left so so much. sorry boss!!! thankfully su min has no time to read blogs so im pretty safe here if i talk bad bout him. hehe. but im not that bad. not gonna stab a boss i have deep respects toward. [ i feel there's grammar error in that sentence. hmmm ] here's a short recap of wads over so far.

1. exams over officially last friday. very happy bout it that i've manage to go thru it w/o much headache. did my best, or at least in almost all papers and just gonna leave the rest unto God. its those lil miracles u n i pray for in life. i must confess i cheated in my last paper - manufacturing processes. very sorry bout it >.<

2. went to penang for a short holiday with jason and met up with doreen and eunice [ not my leader lee choo. scary tu ]. i found out eunice is a very very nice person!! pretty also and very friendly. and got loadsa advice from her bout relationships which i think she was speaking thru me that afternoon. good thing jason slept so he didnt hear anything. haha!! lotsa food got digested by me EXCEPT nasi kandar. dang!! was the one thing dad asked me to try but the shop was closed. really sad bout it but at least i tried everything else. they even have this thing called roti babi. i was like wad on earth is a roti babi? with a weird face that kind. but then it turned out to be something really good!!! gosh i should bring the recipe back to sabah and make a fortune outta it. haha

3. gonna go back sabah @ 2nd hometown in couple of hours time. looking forward to it since im not gonna see lotsa ppl. yes u got me right there. i am tryina avoid some ppl here. college friends which i got really annoyed with and some other ppl. but then gonna miss church friends lots!!! especially the bookies, doreen & gang. argh!! wanna come back soon but dunno when. oh well.

thats all from me for now. wanna keep it short and simple. full details on the next epi...

anakainosis

2006-09-15T04:28:00.000+10:00

i decided to change my blog totally so i end up removing the chatter box. but then i felt that i should remove it anyway so there it goes. after a long sleep felt much better. 99% grumpiness gone for good but then kinda weary now. must be my body tryina adjust to this sudden change. hate biology neway so don care.

man im damn hungry now. wads with this stomach getting hungry so fast and urge to feel food every few hours. maybe i should;ve been a cook instead of an engineer. that way i can cook all kinds of food, dont get bored with the same routine food everyday and less the opportunity being hungry.

rev ulf elkman (not too sure how to spell his name. he's sweedish neway) is here this weekend so was thinking going both sat and sunday service so i dont have to rush here and there for serving and can enjoy wad he brings. but then ive got a c++ programming paper on monday which im not ready at all. was thinking to cheat geh to JUST PASS it but then when i saw the venue in sports complex my heart sank. it means hundreds of ppl sitting together for that paper and there will be tons of lecturers up and down left and right. so im pretty dead i think. haha. see how la. i need a small lil miracle now.

k off to buy food now. tummy making funny gestures now. eeekkk!!!

sleepless mornings

2006-09-14T13:46:00.000+10:00

weeee....another paper down with 4 more to go. wee!!! so happy AS IF. totally screwed up my paper so i dont know wads left of it. i cant believe i kept on believing wad the lecturer said. "there will be formula provided" but all i get was a freaking permitivitty = 8.854 x 10^-12 which i ALREADY MEMORISED!! sigh. great way to blow ur bubble at the ver dramatic moment. so there was i for 2 hrs sitting in a VERY cold college hall doing my paper and used several wrong formula's so i guess i just lost the whole part. also i need a new pair of glasses since i didnt read there was more information give bout the question making me lose 13/25 marks. not bad huh? oh well, the list goes on so my chances of failing has failed but im just gonna leave it to Him to sort it out. ive done my part and im jus doing additional by grunting. hey, thats why we have a blog k? im tired that makes me grumpy, hungry but my stomach is so sick i wanna puke and i screwed my paper jus now. so im not quite the happy fella now to be honest. but then wads the point? no one understands. no one in the family does engineering except dad. that also from a different era so no one understands the pressure of an engineering course. its not those fun-fun kind public relations course or finance marketing. hey be grateful u guys are more of the practical kind or worst, just MEMORISE STUFFS!!! we have to know like God knows how many stuffs and apply in everything. buzz off k? also there aint any nice caring friends out there who cares anyway. they all wanna use u when ur applicable to them. i.e, "hey can i loan rm10? thanks man, ur da bomb =)" sweet line eh? how can u say no? even no money also will redirect to someone who has money. thats wad u call great friends. lemme rephrase it, f-wens. they're the sweetest =) . im done complaining now, round 2 later maybe. i need rest before i breakdown....

=) =( =P =|

2006-09-12T05:08:00.000+10:00

i feel very stupid now. dumb with the drooling face and an empty mind. totally blank being left or right side of the brain. it really sucks. tryina study but i cant find the drive to do it. its like after maths paper everythings over. well it was just the beginning but too bad my eyes didnt perceive it that way. had the inspiration that i needed just in time before maths paper and everything went well for that part but its gone now. 5 more papers and 1 of the major ones is just 2 days away and where am i in preparation? nowhere. oh well, guess i gotta buck up and get ready to face the music of failure once again. well to be precise 3rd time in a year's time. feel like cursing now but i feel like im "legally" not able to do it since i "signed a contract" not to repeat ma dark side nemore. but it really pisses me off that lately everything hasnt turn out to wad i hoped to be. its like u want a peppermint choc chip ice cream but u get a peppermint choc rice ice cream instead. theres a diff in it F.Y.I. want to go meeting on last sat but woke up with food poisoning, followed by heavy rain ending up with no dinner, got also but no more appetite to eat. then a back pain all of a sudden and feel like puking after eat chi cheong fun for supper. i mean for goodness sake chi cheong fun is so light!!! gosh. next day woke up with the whole cell group arrive in church THEN ONLY ASK ME "kelvin, where r u? u following us back today?" i was like, !@#$%^^&&**(()))&%$@@ i told u ppl TWICE dammit, T-W-I-C-E that im following u guys go and yet u all forgot all about me. i end up wasting rm20 to take a cab to church. hey rm20 is a lot ok? can last for a few days and my dad DONT PRINT money if thats wad ur wondering. now i end up in a financial pithole once again. dammit!!! i still dun understand why i smiled back and said ITS OKIE when i saw u guys. pift!! thankfully i didnt follow u guys back if not...and i had a good japanese meal with kher lit instead. i kinda like salmon now. feel like eating it. next time i gotta bring more money!!!! not for more salmon tho, for special situations. feel very bad now i didnt fulfill her very last wish for the day with that necklace. dammit kelvin!! the past few days has just been nerve wrecking till the very last one in my neck and i just dont have the energy to fight on anymore. with all this challenges of everyday life and more i jus feel like giving up so many things and wish i can just have a 2 months holidays and sit down and see tv, online and chill out peacefully at home. jut to get my head all right again. damn everything else happening in the world be it katrina or tsunami or haley comet fall directly upon my room. i dont give a damn now! im just tired with all this crap and i wan out. O-U-T u hear me? reality check, aint gonna happen. so might as well go on. hols in 2 weeks time and to be honest, i dont look forward to it. im weird, im dumb, im wadeva u wanna call me. i too dont know myself so go ahead and please urself while u can =). dont even know wad im blogging now so couldnt care less neway. its a good thing not many ppl read it so i can post anything i want here. even those who read forgets to read as time pass by. good for me tho, less public neway. anyway from 3.24am ... im off to bed. feel like skipping cell again tonight. bleargh